Standard Disclaimer:
Rurouni Kenshin characters are the property of creator Nobohiro Watsuki,
Shueisha, Shounen Jump, and Sony Entertainment.
Light of the Snow-Red Village
Part II - Light the Wick: The Early Years - Chapter 2
by Akai
Kitsune
Apr.2002
~*~
I do swear that I'll
always be there.
I'd give anything and everything
And I will always care.
Through weakness and strength,
Happiness and sorrow,
For better or worse,
I will love you with every beat of my heart...
~*~
Everywhere he looked, there were bones. Piles upon piles, empty faces gazing
up in anger, hands cleaned of flesh and muscle reaching out for help. He
sat among them, a warrior whose dreams had been shattered. The air, tinged
red like the dying sunset, smelled of thick, coppery blood. It hurt to breathe.
He remembered a time
when his dreams had been protected from this, protected by the shroud of
a hitokiri's failing sanity, and later, by the warmth of company as he lay
within the arms of a beloved woman, catching glimpses of the dead only after
she vanished from arm's reach.
Beaten now, heart and
soul freed from the chains of madness, he could see them, feel them. The
bones were freeing themselves as well. They shivered and rattled together,
some with anger, some with hatred, others... with merely remorse, a desperate
need for pity.
Why are you here,
in our sanctuary?
Why are you here, in our grave?
Why are you here, who stole our lives and banished us to this
hell?
'Because I
am just as deserving as you are to be in this place.'
'Because I am free from the hitokiri's control, and must
gaze upon what I have done.'
'There is no protection for me any longer.'
Why are you here?
'This is where
a manslayer belongs.'
He stood, walking through
the bones, the sheathed sword at his side. Reverse-blade, non-killing. The
bones crunched beneath his feet, growing still as he approached each corpse.
Behind him, they reached for him, crushed fingers unable to grasp his clothes.
Why are you here?
He walked on, eyes searching.
Why are you here,
manslayer?
One step at a time,
he forged ahead, the hands growing thicker around his feet.
Why are you here,
manslayer, and why are we dead?
'Because you
stood in the path of the Ishin. You fought for the enemy.'
'Because I followed orders without question.'
'Because I thought I could change the world with my sword.'
Fool.
'Aa.'
Why do you carry
the sword, manslayer?
It is too good for you.
Why can you still wield a sword, manslayer, when our hands are
now too brittle to hold one?
'Because I
have an answer to find.'
'A journey to finish.'
'Someone to protect.'
'Because... I survived.'
You survived, manslayer,
because you killed us.
'Aa.'
~*~
Hikari woke up with a strangled wail in her throat, fearful wetness behind
her eyes. She looked around her, remembering the previous day, and their
arrival at the inn, seeking shelter from the summer storms. The soothing
touch of relief gently brushed across her heart as she caught sight of her
father, lying nearby. She slid the blankets from her body and moved towards
him, seeking comfort in his presence. He always comforted her when she had
bad dreams... she felt safe in his embrace, warm under the watchful gaze
of his smile. She could sleep when he was holding her, protecting her.
As she drew nearer,
she noticed the dark tension across his face. He looked... upset. Scared.
Scared?
'Tousan doesn't
get scared. I never see him scared.'
'Is tousan
having a bad dream too?'
The thought disturbed
her. How could he protect her when he himself was frightened? How could she
be comforted when he needed it just as badly?
Hikari knelt beside
him to pull away his own blankets, then tapped the back of his hand gently,
hoping to wake him. His eyes always opened at the slightest touch; sometimes,
even before she had to get up, he was at her side, asking what was wrong.
He didn't move. Tossing
his head to one side jerkily, his eyes only cinched tighter, mouth curving
into an angry frown.
'Tousan?'
She curled close to
his body, whispering his name. He did not wake.
'Tousan...
doushite? Why won't you wake up...?'
~*~
Step.
Step. His eyes darted around searching, searching.
A light. A shadow.
A vision?
He blinked, sweeping
his hand across his eyes to shield himself, then, when they had adjusted,
he looked.
Tomoe stood before him,
her clear, dark gaze warm and unaccusing. Letting her warmth touch him, give
him strength, he moved towards her.
Hands, reaching out.
You should die.
Hands seized at his
hakama, fingers writhing in blind vengence as they fought for something tangible
to carry in their cold, unfeeling grasp.
You should die, manslayer.
They touched him, held
him back, as each footfall grew heavier than the one before.
You should die here,
with those you have murdered!
He felt his feet stumble,
his knees buckle, and he fell, the bones closing around him.
You search for repentance,
manslayer.
His own hand reached
for the sky as they had only moments before, searching for freedom again.
'Tomoe - please...
I won't fail her, I'll protect her... please...'
This is repentance,
manslayer.
Tomoe gazed down at
him blankly, untouched and perfect, yet unwilling to save him. The bodies
writhed in anger, pushing him deeper, deeper...
'Tomoe...
forgive me, Tomoe...'
This is repentance,
manslayer... this is exile.
This is your answer.
Hands grasped his waist,
and he felt his fingers fall, empty, and his voice choked in protest as the
sword was wrenched away -
~*~
Kenshin's eyes snapped open, breathless and shaken to the core. The dream
was so common, he should have grown accustomed to the dark misery that haunted
his sleep.
'But... this
was... different...'
'Something
changed...'
Suddenly aware of a
body at his side - and painfully reminded of a time when he had been able
to wake with the comfort of another beside him - he looked over, to find
Hikari's dark, fearful eyes searching for that same comfort from him. He
swallowed the uneasiness and pushed aside the fear; it could wait until later,
when she was reassured.
"Ume-chan, what's wrong?" he hugged her gently, brushing away the tears forming
at her eyes. "Did I wake you up?"
She sniffled, small
fists grasping his gi. "Tousan... bad dream, I... you didn't wake up, tousan..."
"You didn't
wake up..."
Tomoe's gaze was one
of accusation, now; a deep disapproval in the mysterious black pools. He
felt a sharp pounding in his heart. The dream was different because he had
not been there for her.
'I'm here
now, Tomoe... forgive me once again...'
"Shh, shh, daijoubu," he murmured, rubbing her back. "Tell me about the dream,
ume-chan. Maybe that will help."
He listened, holding
her as she rambled about the dream, and let the warmth of her company work
as a balm to his fears even as he soothed her own.
She had grown much in
the two years since their departure from the farmhouse. Developing from the
shy toddler into a cheerful, talkative child, she had remained a constant
comfort in his life. Anything he did for her, he was rewarded tenfold, making
every sacrifice, however small, worth the pain that possibly - and often,
it seemed - followed.
'As long as
it doesn't touch her, I will be alright.'
'I live for
you alone, ume-chan.'
Soon, her cries subsided,
and she blinked tired eyes up at him, a soft violet appearing in their depths.
The sight gave him a great relief. "There, ume-chan... you'll be alright,
ne? There's nothing to be afraid of when I'm here."
She nodded, a small
smile on her face. "Hai... arigato, tousan."
He brushed a hand through
her hair, gentle and comforting. "Now... I think you should get back to bed,
Hikari. It's not yet time to get up, and tomorrow we will be moving on."
She jut out her lower
lip sulkily, as if sleeping was the last thing she wanted. He almost chuckled
at the wistful picture she made.
'You're a
charmer, love, but you need your sleep. I will always love you...'
'... but you
are incredibly cranky in the morning without sleep.' "Ume-chan..."
Suddenly, her eyes lit
up. "Tousan, tell me a bedtime story!" she exclaimed. "To help me fall asleep!"
"Oro?" Kenshin replied helplessly.
She giggled, like she
always did when he said that. "Tousan, a story, a story!"
He thought for a moment.
"I... I don't know any stories." 'Lies, oh lies... the stories I could
tell you, love, would give you nightmares and take something from you that
I would never dare to touch...'
Hikari pouted. "Make
one up!"
Kenshin merely chuckled.
"Easier said that done, ume-chan." he sighed. "Alright, I'll try."
"Yatta! Arigato, tousan." delight spread across her features, making it all
worthwhile. After a long pause for thought, he began.
"Long ago, there was a leaf, living in a small forest. He was a wandering
maple leaf, long fallen off his tree. Remind you of anyone?"
She smiled. "Rurouni!
Like us!"
'Like us...
like us...' "This leaf, though, was all alone. He was so lonely that
he decided to become a performer to make people like him. So do you know
what he began to play with?"
"What, what?"
"Fire!"
"Iie, tousan!" she objected rather strongly, moreso than he expected. "Ha-chan
can't play with fire, he'll burn!"
"Exactly." Kenshin smiled again, beginning to enjoy himself. "The leaf -
Ha-chan, did you say?" she nodded vigorously. "He had his share of close
calls and mistakes, but as he got better, he became more and more daring.
He tried stamping on the fires he made, dancing around them, fanning it to
make it bigger, then lighting himself and rolling into a ball to put it out
again. One old leaf, who always stayed under his tree, would shake his head
and call out, 'You have attention now, but when the forest burns, no one
will laugh at your fire.' Ha-chan didn't listen to him, and all the leaves
on the trees, reckless and unknowing of what could happen to them, cheered
him on and loved him, though none became his friends."
"That's sad, tousan."
"Aa." his tone was slightly apologetic. "One day, he made a mistake, though.
While rolling to put out the fire, he went right through the grass and set
it on fire."
"Like the old leaf said?"
Kenshin nodded. "The
fire spread through the grass and burned all the other trees, turning their
beautiful colours to ashes. Ha-chan watched, horrified, because it was his
fault the forest was being destroyed. He turned to the stars that night and,
in fear and guilt for what he'd done, begged them to stop the fire. The stars,
softened by his sadness, sent a long, rainy thunderstorm down, and the fire
disappeared. The forest was destroyed, though, and Ha-chan wanted to help
make it right again. Then, the stars shone a light from heaven down on him,
and he realized he still carried a seed."
"Ohhh..."
"So, Ha-chan planted the seed and cared for it, day after day, and before
long it became a small tree. It sprouted leaves, and lost them, and the leaves
hurried off to wander and plant other seeds. But Ha-chan loved the tree he
had planted dearly, and stayed with it forever."
There was a long silence,
as Hikari waited to see if it was the end. When she was sure he was finished,
she gazed up at him with wide, violet eyes. "Tousan?"
"Mm?"
"You tell good stories."
"Do I?" he murmured, chuckling again. The short story, strange as it had
been, left him feeling refreshed, cleansed. Or perhaps it had just been Hikari's
presence, the changes from delight, to horror, to wonder in her expression
as the fable was told.
He shook his head; it
didn't matter. What mattered, was that he cared for her. "To bed, ume-chan."
She nodded, yawning,
and gave him a hug before allowing him to tuck her in. "Oyasumi, tousan."
"Have a good sleep. I'll see you in the morning." he placed a gentle kiss
on her forehead, then stepped back as she curled into the blanket, eyes closing
with a smile.
He slid the shoji and
leaned against it slightly, tilting his head back in near-bliss. What a gift
she was. Whenever he was with her, talking to her, listening to her speak,
even watching her sleep, he felt warm and complete. As if, without her, he
wasn't whole.
'Because she
is part of me,' he thought with a small smile. 'And I, a part of her.
How, I wonder, will I survive when she grows too old for me to hold on to
her?'
'I will protect
her... as long as she wants me to... and even then, I will watch over her.'
Moving away from the
door, he headed towards the roof of the inn. He needed to think, tonight.
The dream - nightmare,
vision, whatever it had been - had faded into distant memory... but was not
completely forgotten.
~*~
Kenshin sighed wistfully, weaving a path through the town at an almost lazy
pace. It had been several weeks since the night of the dream... several weeks
since he had neglected to wake and properly attend to Hikari's fears. Insecurity
crept into worn, long heartbroken soul; one more failure, added to the multitude
of mistakes that had come before. How many times would he fail her?
'Oh, Tomoe...
I try... I try so hard, but... somehow, something always goes wrong... I
wish...'
'I wish it
wasn't so hard...'
"Ne, tousan, look, look!"
A hand tugged at his,
and he glanced down, meeting excited violet eyes. "What is it, Hikari?"
She pointed, hopping
anxiously on one foot. "It's a little person!"
Kenshin followed her
finger, catching sight of a display not far away, of a strange puppet show,
a small ring of children crowded around the makeshift stage. "Aa. A new Western
change. It's like a play, only there are small dolls acting." he could see
her almost bursting with wonder. "Do you want to watch?"
He shouldn't have asked,
really. Her eyes lit up even more, and she dragged him closer, sitting herself
down in the group of children to watch the remainder of the performance.
He, however, kept his eyes on her.
'... despite
my failures, she is happy. She can still be happy.'
'Maybe...
maybe it's alright to fail, sometimes... so long as she is not hurt, I...'
His eyes narrowed darkly
at the sudden thought. No. Failure was not an option.
'I protect
you... to do that, I cannot fail anymore...'
Her laughter rang out,
and the shadows across his face vanished, almost involuntarily.
'Why are you
brooding? She is happy. Be happy for her.'
'Be happy
with her.'
However... as the performance
ended, and the children moved away into the crowds, hand in hand with their
parents... he could see something in her eyes that did not echo the joy he
had felt, watching her. He moved towards her, hand dangling at his side in
a silent invitation for her to take it, but she wasn't paying attention,
and instead focused on the departure of the other families.
"Ne, ne, kaasan, can I have that?"
"Hai, if you're very good, tousan will buy it for you."
"Of course. You're a good girl. Which one?"
"Yatta! Kaasan, daisuke! Ahh... tousan daisuke!"
Hikari gazed at them
as the child pointed, laughed, and cheerfully left with her parents.
Kenshin bent to look
at her, curious and concerned. "Ume-chan?"
She didn't speak, instead
taking hold of his hand. He frowned, unsure of how to break the silence.
Tugging gently, he led her away, returning to the inn they had chosen for
the night.
'What could
have affected her so badly?'
'I've never
seen her like this... it's almost...'
'... like
Tomoe...'
~*~
Kenshin slid the shoji closed behind him, lighting the lamp in the corner.
Assured that they would not be bothered, he turned to Hikari, who was silently
getting dressed for bed, her eyes clouded.
"Ume-chan? Daijoubu?" Kenshin knelt beside her as she finished, lifting her
chin to meet her gaze. The familiar violet in her eyes had faded yet again,
a clear sign that she was unhappy.
She trembled at his
touch and pulled away, kneeling beside her futon. He stayed where he was,
patient, waiting until she was ready to speak. Finally, she found her voice.
"Tousan?"
"Hai, ume-chan."
Hikari fiddled with
her yukata nervously, eyes woeful. "Ano... where's my kaasan?"
Kenshin froze, his face
pained as he watched her. Her hair, high-cut bangs, small strands falling
at the sides of her round, maturing face, tied lowly at the back... her eyes,
black and bottomless, glowing softly in the moonlight, filled with questions,
always questions... 'Oh, love... she lives in you...' Aloud, he called
to her, holding out his arms. "Come here, Hikari. I'll show you." Walking
back to him, she nestled herself into his embrace, her eyes eternally trusting,
like only a child can. Turning his eyes to the window, he pointed at the
night sky. "Do you see the stars, ume-chan? Your kaasan is there."
"Stars?" Hikari repeated, puzzled. "How did she get there?"
Kenshin paused, voice
husky and grieving. "I... it's a long story..."
"Tell me, tousan." she pleaded. "Onegai..."
"Well..." he gave her a weak smile. "All right." 'She has a right to know...
not the whole truth, but... something, at least. Something to smile for.'
"Long ago, before you were born, your mother had a very good friend, who
wanted happiness."
"My fiancé
was the second son of a similar family, a childhood friend."
"At the time, I loved him very much. When he chose me,
I was very happy."
"I never told him how happy I was."
"He died, in a far-off place I didn't know."
"The happiness I should have had died with him..."
"The stars
are always happy; they glow with it each night. So..."
"Though I
bear you no grudge, for the sake of the new era, your deaths are imperative."
"I... no... I... don't want to die. I was... finally going...
to marry her. I've always... loved her..."
"May you find happiness in the next world..."
"... I helped him, and he climbed all the way up to the stars. That's when
I met your mother."
"I came out
of gratitude for what you did back there."
"It has been raining blood in these tragic times... but...
you... remarkably made it rain... a rain of blood..."
"Although the ones who reach the sky are happy, those they leave behind are
alone... and often, very sad. Your mother... she was sad, because she missed
her friend."
"... maybe
it really was my fault. If only I had cried and tried to stop him..."
"... if I hadn't found something... someone to hate, I
would have gone mad..."
"Then, one day, she said to me... 'I'm sorry, but I want to see him again...'
She knew I had helped him, so... she wanted me to help her as well." his
eyes turned to the sky once again, slightly misted. "Sometimes I see them...
dancing on the stars... smiling happily..."
"May you find
happiness in the next world..."
"What about us?" Hikari cried, interrupting his memory. "Didn't she love
us?"
"Oh, ume-chan." he stroked her cheek gently, smiling at her words. "Of course;
of course she did. She loved you very much." 'So much...'
"Then why didn't she come back?" her eyes were wide, sorrowing... innocent,
so innocent...
'Love. Oh,
love. What a child you have given me...'
"It's my fault... I didn't tell her... I didn't tell her that once you reach
the stars, they keep you forever..."
Hikari sniffled. "But wouldn't that make her sad? If she loved us?"
His smile faded a little.
"I hope not. The stars make you happy, remember? I don't want your kaasan
to be sad. She should be happy... she deserves to be happy, and so do you."
"Tousan..." she hugged him tightly, a small tear trickling down her cheek.
"What about you? Aren't you happy? I want us to be happy..."
Kenshin brushed his
hand through her hair, comforting her tears away. "Hikari... as long as you
are with me, I will be happy. I promise."
"Yakusoku?" she murmured, voice muffled in his gi.
"Aa." 'Oh, love.'
Hikari pulled away again,
eyes flashing with hope. His own eyes widened, as they were not black any
longer, but filled with a bright, enduring amethyst again. "Tousan... can
*we* go to the stars?"
"Oro?" he blurted out the word without thought, and it made her giggle; his
heart ached at the sound.
'Did Tomoe
ever laugh?'
'Was it as
wonderful to hear as this?'
"Tousan!" she finally stifled her laughter. "The stars, I want to go see
the stars! I want to see my kaasan!"
Kenshin couldn't help but smile again. "You will, ume-chan. Someday, you'll
see her. But... not for a long time, I hope."
"Why?" she jumped up, twirling around with her arms outstretched. "If we
went to the stars, we could always be happy! We'd never leave, so we could
be together forever! And you and kaasan wouldn't be sad, because you could
see me every single day!" she stopped her movement when she heard his soft
chuckle. "Tousan? Isn't that good? Then you would never be sad! Never, ever!"
He shook his head, wiping
his eyes, warm and violet above a wide, sincere smile. "The world has so
much, ume-chan. We will go through many hardships, but that's part of life.
It doesn't mean that we should give up so easily."
"Give up? Why, if we just want to be happy?" her soft query, full of uncertainty,
almost made him laugh again.
'Oh... oh,
love... what a child... innocent, questioning, so... so trusting...'
'I will protect
this innocence...'
"Remember, once you go to the stars, you can't come back. We're not on this
world forever... someday, when we're old, we'll climb to the stars and see
all those who have gone before. So until then, we have to do all we can to
help the people around us. That's what I'm doing. Until I... until I go to
see your kaasan, I'm going to wander the world and protect everyone I meet."
he ruffled her hair affectionately. "Do you understand?"
"Hai..." she snuggled closer to him, small arms encircling his waist, face
curled into his slender chest. "When I dance on the stars, will you watch
me?"
"Aa."
"Will kaasan watch me?"
"Always." he gazed up at the stars, watching them flicker and shine brightly
with the moon. "She'll always watch you."
"And... will she smile?"
"For you, ume-chan." he ran his fingers through her silken hair tenderly.
"Your kaasan will smile for you, always."
'And I...
I will watch over you...'
'Tomoe...
did I... did I do alright, Tomoe?'
'Will you
smile for me, as well as our child?'
~*~
Notes: Kenshin's
bedtime story: This was the cutest scene to write, and I had so much fun...
even though it took forever! To be honest, the reason it took so long was
because I couldn't decide what kind of leaf to use. ^_^ I'm meticulous in
that way. I don't claim to be a very patriotic Canadian, but the choice of
a maple leaf is my way of giving a little tribute to my home. A bit of a
parallel to Kenshin and Hikari, who are constantly seeking a place to which
they belong. Another reason for the choice is that it was the only leaf
I could think of that could still have an attached seed. Maple leaves often
fall with the keys still attached, which contain seeds. That worked for
me, and Ha-chan officially became a maple. And for those who are wondering,
there are maple trees in Japan. Just check out Blue Seed. ^_^
Akai Kitsune
Written April, 2002
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