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Light of the Snow-Red Village
Part V - Flickering Shadows: Oak in the Breeze - Chapter 4

by Akai Kitsune

~*~

    As with Hikari, Kenshin did not reveal the whole tale. Tomoe's death was his secret, his burden, and it was not something he could share, especially not with a stranger. He could not fully explain why he was telling Zanza in the first place - someone who's real name he didn't even know - but he felt something, a connection with this man, that he could not deny.

  'We have both lived with the sharp, lingering blade of betrayal for a very long time.'

  'Ten years, almost.'

  'Will he understand?'

When he had finished, Zanza didn't speak for a long time. Kenshin had long ago become accustomed to the silence that followed his words.

    "Why should I believe you?" Zanza finally asked.

Kenshin shrugged. "What reason do I have to lie? If I were the man you thought I was, should I really care what you think of me?"

The street fighter shook his head. "No. Meiji scum never cared about the lives or opinions of the Sekihoutai."

Nodding briefly, Kenshin lowered his head, his eyes dark and intense. "If it is any sort of advocation to you," he murmured, "If I had been in a position of power, I would have done what I could to stop such a betrayal of trust. Believe that, if nothing else."

The younger man didn't answer. Kenshin waited for another moment, then stood, moving towards the door.

Zanza's voice interrupted him. "Where's my sword?"

    "We brought it to the dojo by cart. It is in the yard." Kenshin slid open the shoji, not turning back to look at him. "Please take tonight to rest. You should not be moving around so soon."

The room was left in silence as he disappeared down the hall, heading for his room, following the candle-bright ki of the distressed daughter who had run from him.

~*~

    Kaoru slid open the shoji, standing in the doorway hesitantly as the light from the hall spilled in and revealed the form shivering in the corner. Slowly, she approached the girl, unsure of what to do or say.

  'How can I help her? I'm not her mother... I know that, she knows that... I'm just her teacher. I don't even know why she's crying.'

  'I sound like Yahiko! She needs support. That's the least I can do.'

  'Maybe... maybe she'll tell me...'

    "Hikari-chan?" she called quietly, kneeling beside her student.

Hikari curled her arms around her knees, drawing herself closer together. A muffled, "Go away," was her only reply.

Kaoru was not deterred, although her confidence cringed at the lack of response. Steeling herself, she wrapped an arm around the girl's smaller body, pulling her close. "Shh," she murmured into the child's hair. "It's okay. It's okay, don't worry."

Hikari shivered in her arms, the tears seeping through her training gi. Gradually she loosed the iron grip on her knees, curving closer into Kaoru's lap.

Kaoru's heart soared. 'Finally... I did something right...'

They lay in silence for a long time, Kaoru's hands drawing soft, circling paths through the girl's hair, her voice whispering an occasional word of comfort, hoping to soothe Hikari out of her tears. Finally, Hikari's sobs were silenced, and the tears were nothing but a memory and a stain in the fabric of her shirt.

Kaoru lowered her head, as she lifted Hikari's chin. Deep, sapphire eyes met moist black, and she smiled gently. "Will you tell me?" she asked, coaxing, but not demanding.

Hikari bit her lip, tugging herself free and leaning against Kaoru's arm. "I... I don't even know. It shouldn't have made me cry... it's so silly, but..."

    "It's okay to cry," Kaoru said in a hushed voice. "No matter what anyone says..."

    "But it makes tousan sad," Hikari shook her head stubbornly. "He saw me, and... Kaoru-san, if you could see his eyes, when he... it just makes me so tired..."

Kaoru brushed her hand through the child's hair again, her lips cinched in a tight frown. "What is it?" she pried gently. "Why did you-?"

The younger girl lowered her gaze. "It's just... everyone gets so angry with him. Everyone finds some reason to hate him, to try to kill him... he's been trying so hard to make up for it, to make things better, not just for him, or for me, but for the whole country. And they all think he's just a target they can do whatever they want to. No matter who he was, he's still a person! And... and... now this man, too... they don't even take the time to know him before they judge who he is..."

  'Oh, Hikari...' Kaoru cuddled her student closely, her eyes glistening with her own grief. 'Are you really a child? You try so hard to be grown-up for him... you don't understand how much you need to hold on to the childhood he's fought so hard to give you...' "I think..." she said hesitantly, "I think that Kenshin doesn't want you to be unhappy for him. He... he can take care of all the people who fight him, and he can stop them from hurting him, or us, but only if he knows that he's helping you. Your tears... they show him that you care, don't they? And even if it does hurt him, it also helps him to understand you." She brushed a tear from the girl's nose, a musing smile on her face. "I'll tell you a secret... it's almost impossible for a man to understand his daughter by himself. He needs her to show him - even in little ways - that she cares for him, and is happy that he's her father. Even if they try to hide it, that's one of the most important things in life for them."

Hikari blinked back at her, surprised. "Ka-Kaoru-san? Your father was like that?"

Kaoru nodded. "Mm hm. I think all fathers are... at least, the ones that really care. Kenshin is no different."

The younger girl finally broke a smile, albeit weaker and still tearful, and she gently tugged away and crawled onto the futon. Kaoru shifted to sit beside her, pulling the blankets up around Hikari's chin, then began to style her hair into a quick, neat braid, earning a grateful smile in response.

  'Sometimes a girl just needs to be mothered, ne? ... I just didn't think... I'd be any good at it.'

    "Kaoru-san?"

    "Hai?" Kaoru responded automatically, leaning against the wall, her hands still brushing through the child's hair.

Hikari smiled slightly, her eyes closing. "I'm glad... that someone else is finally trying to understand him. I'm glad that you care enough..."

Kaoru was silent for a long time, and when she replied, Hikari had drifted to sleep. "Me too," she whispered into the darkness of the room.

Suddenly, she saw a new shadow cast against the far wall, blocking the light of the hallway. She turned, and saw Kenshin standing in the doorway, one hand on the wood of the shoji. His eyes were jaded in the pale glow of the lantern, his expression enigmatic. At her nod, he approached, kneeling beside her.

They sat in silence for a while, before Kaoru finally broke it. "I'm going to bed," she said softly, her hand on his shoulder as she rose.

His voice made her halt, urgent and imploring. "Kaoru-dono... did she tell you?"

She rested her palm on the shoji, giving him a sidelong glance, and her only response was the flicker of a sad, diminutive smile. Her form faded from sight as she left the room, her shadow the only sign of her passing as she headed down the hall for her own room.

Kenshin leaned back against the wall, suddenly feeling very, very tired, and pressed the tsuba of the sakabatou into his shoulder. His eyes glowed in the evanescing light of the lanterns, until they were blown out completely by Kaoru, and they carried a fiercely protective shade as he watched his daughter sleep.

~*~

  I am hanging on every word you say
  Even if you don't want to speak tonight
  That's all right, all right with me
  I want nothing more than
  To sit outside heaven's door
  And listen to you breathing
  That's where I want to be...

~*~

    When morning finally came, Kenshin roused himself from the drifting, half-sleep he had limited himself to throughout the night and left to begin his daily chores. Hikari's sleep had been peaceful and uninterrupted, and it had relieved him greatly. Whatever Kaoru had done or said the previous night had obviously restored her confidence and given her the sort of comfort he couldn't provide.

The thought stabbed at his heart, yet warmed the icy wound at the same time.

As he reached the yard, he was only remotely surprised to find Zanza's ki burning brightly just outside. There was no anger he could feel, except perhaps a mild agitation of having lost a fight. Kenshin knew the feeling; he had felt it himself, following a particularly frustrating lesson with Hiko. He slid the door open, stepping into the yard to greet the man who was obviously waiting for him.

Zanza was standing beside the zanbatou, his palm rested on the extended hilt, testing the weight in his battered limbs. After a long moment he turned to the rurouni, giving him a brief nod of acknowledgment.

Kenshin moved closer, a soft smile on his face. "You're up early," he noted. "I didn't think you'd be up at all, to be honest. The doctor said-"

    "Doctors are usually wrong about me," Zanza interrupted quietly. His expression was unreadable.

    "I see," Kenshin's smile faded for a moment. "Well, I'm glad, either way."

    "Glad to be rid of me?"

The older man blinked. "Iie. Simply grateful that you're recovering so quickly."

Zanza wheeled away, scowling. "Idiot," he muttered, without the anger that was usually present in his voice.

Kenshin smiled without offense. "Am I?" he murmured.

The street fighter was silent for a long time. "I don't know," he finally admitted, his voice taut with indecision. "I'm not sure of anything anymore. Have you lived like this... all this time?"

Kenshin curved his head to one side, curious and inquisitive, and Zanza struggled to find an explanation. "You know... so... easy with everything. You act like whatever those bastards did to you doesn't even matter."

    "If I do, it is only for the sake of giving Hikari a chance to judge the world for herself," Kenshin said softly, grasping the handle of the water bucket and drawing from the well. "If I so clearly showed any hatred I might feel for the Meiji government, such hatred might be transferred to her... and I don't want that. If she is ever to feel any hate from this world, I don't want it to come from me."

    "Then you are angry with them." It wasn't exactly a question.

    "Of course," Kenshin answered, and edge entering his voice that he was unable to erase. "What husband - what father - would not be?"

Zanza lowered his gaze, thinking briefly of Captain Sagara. So many betrayals. "Why didn't you do anything?"

Kenshin hesitated, his eyes darkening at the memories. "Once," he finally whispered, casting his eyes to the sky. "Once, I stood before a man who was partially responsible for the ruin of my family. I looked him in the eyes as he laughed at me. I could have slit the throat of his child a dozen times over."

Zanza whirled around sharply, his eyes wide in surprise at the confession. Kenshin didn't look at him.

    "I had the perfect opportunity to steal everything from him... his heir, his business, his life. He was the acting hand in countless crimes, not least among which were murder, theft, and betrayals such as ours. I could have taken revenge for a great deal of people." His hand brushed against his cheek, tracing the scar almost wistfully.

    "But," he finally continued, the smile returning weakly, "I then realized that every time Hitokiri Battousai casts aside the sword of a man cursing his blood for the murder of someone he killed, he himself is preventing the crying vengence of another. I realized that if I took that revenge, I would be just as much of a hypocrite as the men who preached for freedom and equality, even as they gave me a reason to hate them."

Zanza watched him, his eyes narrowing in gradual understanding. "... So you..."

    "I left him alive," Kenshin finished, giving the other man a slight nod. "I did not kill him, nor did I take revenge of any sort, over than perhaps allowing the fear of death to touch his heart-" The sight of him, cowering, whimpering in terror for his life, struck a resounding chord in the rurouni's soul. "And, afterwards, I cannot describe how relieved I felt. I would never have been able to face my daughter with such a twisted idealism. Living with the emptiness of unfulfilled vengence is far more tolerable than leaving my child to face the world alone."

  'Never again.'

  'So long as you are with me...'

    "You felt better?" Zanza asked, incredulous. "I can't believe that."

    "I can understand why," A pensive expression crossed Kenshin's face. "Have you ever been in such a position? To have the one you once trusted, who stabbed you in the back when you were most vulnerable, at the end of your sword, crying your name in mercy? Have you ever... felt your mind make the unrelenting demand to kill - even if your heart says enough blood has been spilled in the world?" His eyes closed, as he shook his head. "To prevent a death - even to the most undeserving person, even one threatened by your own hand - can be one of the greatest gifts handed to a manslayer such as I. Former," he corrected, letting the smile return once again. "Surely you've felt it yourself."

Zanza's lip twitched, gradually forming into a smirk. "At the Akabeko," he supplied, and Kenshin nodded.

    "The protection of those in need given freely tells me much more about you than a paid fight, Zanza," Kenshin said suddenly, pouring the forgotten water into the laundry bucket. "Professions do not speak for who a man is, past or present."

    "That's why you're a rurouni," Zanza blinked.

Kenshin merely shrugged, a cryptic smile forming on his countenance.

He began his daily chore, as Zanza settled down on the porch to watch him. They sat in silence for a little while, enjoying the sun and, surprisingly, each other's company.

    "The Hiruma brothers are in jail," Kenshin finally spoke again, scrubbing at a tenacious stain on Yahiko's training gi. "They should no longer require your services."

Zanza nodded slowly. "So... the girl told me."

Kenshin's hand froze against the fabric for a moment, before continuing with his work, falling into silence again.

Zanza scratched his hair for a moment, uneasy, before standing up to stretch. "Not like I'd do much for them, anyway," he muttered, cracking his knuckles without aggression.

Kenshin chuckled. "Giving up so easily?" he asked mildly.

The street fighter merely smirked again. "Naa... I just won't be taking any jobs for a while." Kenshin look back at him, eyebrows raised in curious astonishment. "I'm giving myself a job... no real profit involved."

    "Oh?" Kenshin responded, waiting with a smile on his face, as if he already knew the answer. "And what is this self-employed job of Zanza's?"

The younger man shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I'm going to be watching you, Himura Kenshin," he grinned, leaning forward. "I'm gonna make sure you're not some Meiji hypocrite - not like the guys you talked about. You'd better get used to havin' me around - because you're not going anywhere until I'm positive you're who you say you are."

    "That hardly seems like the proper job of a fighter-for-hire," Kenshin noted, resting a palm on his chin.

    "Yeah," Zanza agreed easily, "But it's okay with Sagara Sanosuke."

Kenshin's eyes widened slightly at the surname, but after a moment shared the grin. The two of them looked almost foolish together, not caring either way. "Well then, Himura Kenshin does not object either."

Sanosuke straightened, nodding as if in approval. "Good. Now the first thing to do is to find my new method of income."

Kenshin withdrew his hands from the soapy water, puzzled. "Income?"

The former street fighter curved an arm around his neck, smirking. "We're going gambling."

    "Oro?!"

    "Sure," Sano steered him towards the dojo fence. "Can't just stay here forever, can we? And I think you and I ought to talk somewhere without an audience."

A soft tug against his hanten made him halt, curving his head in the direction of the pull. Before he could fully turn, small arms wrapped around his waist.

He blinked. Kenshin blinked. And smiled.

Sanosuke looked down to meet the violet eyes of the child who had run from him the previous night. He shifted, uncomfortable. "What?" he asked, as the girl pulled away.

    "Thank you," she murmured, beaming at him. He had no idea whatsoever what he was being thanked for.

Sano raised an eyebrow, baffled, but relieved nonetheless. "What the hell was that?" He looked inquisitively at Kenshin.

The rurouni merely shrugged, just as lost for answers. "It seems you've been forgiven."

The younger man's grin returned in full force. "All right, then she won't mind if I steal you for a few hours."

    "Matte yo! I still have chores to do, and breakfast-"

    "Yahiko-kun and I can handle the chores," Hikari piped up, moving towards the laundry barrel, "And Kaoru-san can help me cook. I'm sure she won't mind if you're gone for the day."

Kenshin stared at her, unable to comprehend her capacity to pardon past wrongs. "Ume-chan-"

    "The gambling hall is this way," Sano grasped his shoulder and spun him back to the gate. "Tomo and Genji said they'd bring some good sake today. We should get there soon if we don't want to miss it."

    "S-Sano-"

    "And tousan," Hikari's voice halted him again, and he looked back at her, catching sight of the mischievous glint in her eyes.

    "Hai, ume-chan?"

    "Don't come back too drunk."

She was rewarded with a bold laugh from Sanosuke, and a resigned smile from Kenshin. As he was led away, Kenshin found that he was not as reluctant as he made himself out to be.

  'You're the first, aren't you?'

  'The first of my enemies to attempt to make a friendship between us.'

  'I'll never forget this, Sagara Sanosuke.'

  '... arigato.'

~*~

Part V - Owari

~*~

Author's Notes:

    The ending: Lee-san has been bugging me to send Sano and Kenshin off to the gambling hall, ^_^ and I've also received plenty of requests for some lighter content. I try my best, and I hope this satisfied a few of you. Lighter moments don't come so easily, as well as comedy, so please be sure to tell me how you liked it.

Credits and Kudos go to:

    Lifehouse, "Breathing". (I sure use this group a lot, don't I.)

    My beta-readers, Lee-san and Chelle-san; a million thanks to your support and contributions to the story, ^_^ Arigato!

    Not much else to say, this time. Next chapter will of course be a vignette, and what will it focus on? Well, you'll just have to wait. ^_~ Till then...   

    Random Omake: At the gambling joint...

Sano: So what's it gonna be?
Kenshin *peering at the dice*: Odd, 5-6.
Genji *slamming the cup to the ground and picking it up*: Snake Eyes, even!
Sano *strangling Kenshin*: You're supposed to be good at this!
Kenshin: I don't understand! It's not in the script!
Sano: Aren't we following the manga continuation?
Kenshin: That's what I thought...
Sano: Then that means... you're making me lose on purpose!
Kenshin: Oro! *runs away*

(... Hm. Not really as funny as I visualized. *shrug* Oh well.)

More coming soon!

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