Disclaimer:
*Calger-san hisses and growls, Disclaimer backs into a corner*. I think
the point has been made ;)
Ahhh smell the
romance in the air! Um...well, sort of -_-;; This is Battousai's chapter,
I hope you like it ^_^ This is the last chapter before I go back to work,
though never fear, I will finish this fic! I love writing it too much, and
I've gotten very encouraging responses so far, arigatou! On with the fic!
Prism - Chapter 7
by Calger459
Sano returned to the dojo the next morning in high spirits. He didn't
have any new info on Yanagi, but his dice game has been great, and his
handful of yen was definitely burning a hole in his pocket.
Not even the sight of
Battousai in the yard as he swaggered in through the gate could spoil his
good mood, though he did a double take when he saw what the young hitokiri
was up to. "Hey uh...hi there."
Battousai pulled a white
gi out of the wash tub and tossed it over the laundry line to dry. Pulling
the fabric straight he glanced over his shoulder at Sano. "Ohayou," he
greeted neutrally.
Back to his usual
cold self I see. Sano came closer. "Hey, why are you doing
the laundry? I thought that was the rurouni's thing."
"And what would you
know?" Battousai asked quietly. His tone wasn't angry or joking; instead
it was completely flat and toneless, betraying no emotion whatsoever.
Sano hesitated, unsure
how to interpret the comment. "Well I...I don't, I guess, it's just that
laundry's kind of a woman thing you know?"
"Sorry if I'm effeminate,"
the hitokiri said, a trace of annoyance creeping into his tone.
Sano winced. "That's
not what I meant, Ken-"
"Yes it was, Sano. I
do it to help Kaoru, no other reason."
"Hey, what's with you
today? Something happen last night after I left?"
"Nothing of importance,"
Battousai snapped icily, dumping the used water out of the tub.
Well that could mean
any number of things. Sano thought as he followed the young Kenshin
into the house. He spotted the rurouni and Shinta together in the kitchen
preparing breakfast and he wandered in to join them. To his relief Battousai
continued on in the direction of Kaoru and Kenshin's room. "Mornin'! Smells
good."
The rurouni smiled at
him in greeting and tipped the vegetables he'd been cutting into the large
soup pot. "Hopefully it will be good, though I'm running low on ingredients.
I'll have to go to the market later today."
"Sanosuke-san!" Shinta
beamed, latching onto the lanky man's leg. "Ohayou!"
Sano chuckled and ruffled
the child's hair. "Hey kiddo, you helping out your 'niichan here?"
Shinta blinked up at
him. "He's not my brother, he's me!"
Sano winked at the rurouni,
who was looking a little pale. "Yeah I know, I was just kidding. Hey,
what's with the other one? He just about bit my head off a minute ago."
The smile vanished from
the rurouni's face and he turned back to the miso. "He's angry with me
again."
"So what else is new?
If he's not yelling about something or other he's as cold as a stone. What'd
you do now?"
The rurouni sighed.
"It really doesn't matter, Sano. We-"
"Battousai-san wanted
to sleep with Kaoru-san but Rurouni-san wouldn't let him!" Shinta blurted
out very, very loudly.
Kenshin let out a panicked
yelp and clapped his hand over the child's mouth. "Quiet, you!"
Sano doubled over laughing,
tears of mirth leaking out of the corners of his eyes. He had to lean on
the doorframe for support. "Oh man, no wonder he was so pissed off! Whew,
poor guy!"
"Hey, that's not what
happened!" the rurouni said defensively, his violet eyes narrowing.
Sano kept laughing,
grinning widely. "Oh really?" Coughing, he brought himself a little more
under control. "Now that I think about it, your condition would cause a
bit of marital strife wouldn't it?" He was about to say more but Sano wasn't
quite prepared for the bokken that connected hard with his skull and sent
him reeling. "Oi, Jou-chan!"
"That is none of your
business, Sanosuke!" Kaoru said, poking him meaningfully in the chest with
her weapon.
Sano frowned and rubbed
his head, taking note of the rather nice kimono she was wearing. "Hey, you
going out?"
Kaoru nodded, handing
the bokken off to the speechless rurouni. "Yes, we are, right after breakfast.
We're running low on supplies, and there are some things I wanted to look
at in town."
"We?" the rurouni asked
curiously. That's when he let his gaze slide past Kaoru to the nicely dressed
man standing behind her. He had to look twice to confirm what his eyes
told him. "Wait, with him?!"
"You have a problem
with that, Rurouni?" Battousai moved to stand beside Kaoru, dressed in a
clean pair of white hakama and the green silk gi. Everyone in the room
was surprised and a bit impressed to see Kenshin dressed so nicely. The gi
set off his hair beautifully, and the flame-colored locks looked as if they
had been freshly combed and tied into a high ponytail.
The rurouni opened and
closed his mouth several times, looking in confusion between the pair.
Seeing his growing alarm and uncertainty, Kaoru stepped forward and spoke
quietly in his ear for a minute. Sano raised an eyebrow in surprise when
the rurouni slowly nodded and relaxed. "All right, koishii."
"Hey, what was that?"
he asked, but got no response. Kaoru gave him a look, which clearly said:
"this is a husband and wife matter, keep out of it". Right, I'll just
be quiet then. Hmm, if the hitokiri can get the girl then I wonder what
would happen if I dressed like that for the Fox... Grinning devilishly,
Sano followed the rest of the Kenshin-gumi into the dining room for breakfast.
~*~
Kaoru walked into town
with Battousai, and as they grew further away from the dojo she could feel
him slowly relax beside her, his cold mask softening just a bit.
"Thank you for coming
with me, Kenshin," she said softly, carefully reaching out to touch his
hand. Her eyes widened a little in surprise when he curled his fingers
around hers so that they walked hand-in-hand down the road. He nodded
slightly, looking over at her with gentle eyes.
There's my Kenshin.
"What are you thinking about?"
"That this whole thing
must be so hard for you. And yet you put up with our petty arguments and
keep smiling through it all. I wonder how you do it."
"Because I love you."
Kaoru wasn't quite prepared for the utter shock in his golden eyes.
"You...mean the rurouni,
right?"
Kaoru sighed. "No, baka,
I mean you. All of you: hitoriki, rurouni, and Shinta. You're all
my Kenshin, and I love you all equally." She could see the doubt in his
face. "Why do you feel that you can't be loved?"
Battousai looked away
sharply, muttering something. "What?" Not answering, he fell silent and
Kaoru let it go for the moment, looking up into the bright morning sky above
them. "It really is going to be a beautiful day."
~*~
Battousai let Kaoru
set the pace as they wandered through the crowded market. She looked briefly
through one clothing shop but decided that none of their kimono quite suited
her. After that she took them to a perfume stall, then to the booth of
a man who made handcrafted dolls. Kenshin found a smile tugging at his lips
as she admired the small wooden doll of young girl, dressed in a tiny red
kimono with a flowered obi. Kaoru sparkled with young innocence and delight,
cradling the doll to her chest and talking with the owner excitedly about
his techniques for sewing such small outfits. I wonder if I was ever
like her, able to laugh and smile so easily. I think that I must have been
once; otherwise Shinta wouldn't exist. The tiny, cheerful boy was certainly
proof that Himura Kenshin still had some innocence left in him. Battousai
however couldn't remember ever feeling that way himself, and until very
recently he had considered such emotions fit only for naïve fools who
had never seen the horrors human beings were capable of inflicting on each
other. He himself had been one of those who had deliberately hurt people
again and again, and while he knew Kaoru loved him he still had trouble
understanding why. The feeling was even more pronounced now
that he was separate from the rurouni; the way he looked at it, he had very
few if any good qualities of his own. The rurouni was always optimistic and
understanding, looking for the good in everyone. He, on the other hand,
trusted no one, analyzing the words and actions of others with suspicion.
He was a warrior and a killer, not a people person. Kaoru though...she
was different. He trusted her.
Kaoru picked up another
doll and turned to him, holding it up for his inspection. "What do you think
of this one?" The doll she held now was of a swordsman, his hand poised
ready to draw his katana, his tiny gi and hakama perfectly made.
Battousai nodded at
the craftsman behind the table. "It is fine work."
The doll maker grinned.
"You are a swordsman then, sir? That is wonderful, there are so few left
nowadays."
"You were a swordsman?"
Kaoru asked in surprise, carefully setting the doll back in its place.
"Aa, during the Boshin
wars, though in truth I saw little combat. But I still practice now and
then; I am a great admirer of kenjutsu."
"Are you interested
in learning more about the sword?" Kaoru asked eagerly. "I run a dojo not
far from here and we are currently seeking students."
Kaoru chatted with the
man for several more minutes, and Kenshin found himself smiling affectionately
at her. Just being near her relieved some of the irritating feeling of
emptiness in his soul. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and when she asked
if it was all right to buy the doll of the little girl, he couldn't say no.
They closed the deal by the man agreeing to think seriously about coming
to visit the dojo some time that week. Waving goodbye to him, Kaoru moved
on, the box with the doll held to her chest.
"He really was nice
man, wasn't he?"
"Yes, and more students
are always welcome. I hope he makes good on his promise."
Kaoru nodded, then reached
out and grabbed his hand, pulling him towards yet another booth. "Oh Kenshin
here it is, what I wanted to show you!"
He blinked at her in
surprise and turned to examine the shop. It appeared to be a stall run by
a gaijin, and his shelves were filled with a bizarre assortment of objects
from the West. Everywhere he looked he saw a bewildering profusion of glass
and metal contraptions, each one stranger that the last. But the object
that Kaoru pressed into his hand was even stranger: a glass triangle.
"I was looking at this
the other day, and when I thought about it this morning I realized what
it reminded me of."
Kenshin lifted the object
and stared at it curiously, turning it over in his fingers. "What is it?"
"It's a prism," the
shopkeeper said in perfectly fluent Japanese. "It is an object of scientific
curiosity, I explained to this fine lady how it worked the other day. Maybe
now she can explain it to you."
Kaoru nodded and grinned,
taking the prism from him. "Here Kenshin see, when you hold it to the light
just right--" she tipped it in the sun, watching its reflection on the
side of the stall "--you can make a rainbow. There!"
Kenshin looked and felt
his eyes widen in amazement. What had before been a patch of white light
on the wood of the stall was now a splash of rainbow color. Mesmerized,
he reached out to touch it, watching the way his fingers turned colors themselves
in the light. "Pretty," he whispered, blushing a little when he realized
he sounded like a little kid. He really was curious though. "How does it
work?"
Kaoru laughed. "I knew
you'd like it! The shopkeeper explained it to me; sunlight is made up of
all the colors, and when that light shines through the prism it's broken
up into its many parts, which we see as a rainbow."
The gaijin nodded. "Well
said."
It took a moment for
the information to sink in, and when Kaoru's reason for showing him this
became clear he stared at her in open astonishment. "You see," she said
quietly, seeing that he understood. "All the parts are equal, and all come
together to make one. You are no more and no less than the others." Tilting
the prism she made the rainbow colors merge back together, until there was
once again a patch of white light on the wood.
Kaoru handed the prism
back to the shopkeeper and looked at Kenshin expectantly. She wants
to know what I think about this. Battousai searched his heart for
an answer, but found himself at a loss for words. When had she become so
wise? Baka, she was always wise. She tempers her intelligence and wit
with innocence and fun, living life to its fullest. You could learn a lot
from her. All she wants is your happiness, and for you to stop torturing
yourself over events that are decades old. Isn't that why you love her so
much? "Kaoru...I..."
She smiled, but there
was a touch of sadness to her eyes. "I...just wanted to show you that.
No matter what you're like or what you do and say, you are still Himura
Kenshin to me, the man I love. You are part of a whole, right? So you are
just as important as them, and just as worthy of happiness and love."
"I know." Giving into
impulse, Kenshin stepped forward and gently cupped her face in his hands.
He heard her breath catch as his mouth hovered tantalizingly close to hers.
He wanted nothing more than to kiss her right there on the street, but
it simply wouldn't be appropriate. Settling for brushing his lips across
her forehead instead, he released her, finally allowing his smile to show.
"Thank you, koishii."
Kaoru gave a sigh of
relief when she heard the endearment; it was the first time Battousai had
used it with her. She looked up at him, happiness shining in her eyes.
"Hai."
Battousai suddenly became
aware of the bemused expression of the shopkeeper. "Those are some nice
words kid, hope you remember them."
Kaoru watched as Kenshin's
cheeks flushed in embarrassment at his display. She was about to tease
him a little about it when suddenly he just withdrew. His eyes grew
flat and cold and all emotion left his face, the hitokiri's mask falling
like a shutter over the passion he has displayed only seconds before.
Kaoru was startled by the transformation; for several moments it had felt
like she had been talking to her Kenshin, the normal whole man she'd
married. She'd seen it in Battousai's face and eyes, and knew it was no
lie. But now it was as if that man had never existed. He regarded the
shopkeeper with cold eyes. The gaijin, for his part, looked bewildered,
obviously at a loss as to what he'd done wrong. "Pardon us sir, good day!"
Kaoru said hastily, guiding Kenshin away from the booth.
Back out in the crowd
she kept one hand on his, all too aware of the tense set of his shoulders
and jaw. "Kenshin, what's wrong? What did he say to make you upset?"
"I'm not a kid," he
muttered angrily, gripping her hand tightly.
"That's not the reason!"
she began, then stopped herself. No, don't get angry with him, Kaoru.
That's the wrong way to handle it. "I mean...it's okay for you to
show a little affection, you know. You didn't do anything wrong."
He sighed, and she could
feel him struggling for control over himself again. "I-I know that I just...I'm
sorry, Kaoru. Sometimes it feels like my body and mind act before my heart
does." That and it's naïve, innocent emotions like that which cause
me to drop my guard. Yanagi is out there somewhere, and I have to be ready
for when he shows himself. I can't afford to act like a lovesick child,
no matter what I really feel. Battousai said none of this aloud.
Kaoru would only berate him for being a silly worrywart, and however true
it might be he was afraid of his unstable temper flying off the handle
again. He needed to calm down. "Let's...go to the Akabeko and sit down
a bit. Would that be all right?"
"Of course." Kaoru looked
at the teenager in concern. He had relaxed a little bit as they walked,
but she could hear his breathing, which was just a little too fast for
the pace they were walking. He almost sounded panicked, and
she honestly could not imagine what would cause the hitokiri to have such
a bad reaction to one shopkeeper's innocent comment. There's still
so much I don't understand about him. For a few minutes, I actually managed
to get him to relax enough to show me what he's feeling. I think, in those
moments, he would have talked to me, and I could have asked him to explain
what's really going on in his mind. How do I get him that way again?
Kaoru pondered this as the Akabeko swung into view.
"Ah, Kaoru-san, hello!
How was the fish last night?"
Oh no, I forgot!
Kaoru waved at Tae to be quiet but the restaurant owner plunged
ahead, oblivious, stepping up to Kenshin. "It's been a little while Kenshin-san,
how is everything at the dojo?" Kenshin stood frozen on the spot as she
looked at him a little closer. Oh Gods I should have thought of this...Tae-san,
please don't look to close!
"Oh you look so handsome
in that outfit!" she crowed happily, looking him up and down. "And that
hair, Kaoru-san when did he start wearing it in a topknot? It looks stunning
on him!"
"Th-thank you," Kenshin
stuttered, visibly recoiling from the woman's exuberance.
Kaoru's heart sank even
further when Tsubame appeared in the doorway, presumably to lead them back
to their table. She took one look at Kenshin and her eyes grew huge. "K-Kenshin-san,
your scar is gone!"
"Tsubame-chan!" Kaoru
hissed, stepping close to her. "I know, but please be quiet! There's a very
good reason for it; I'll explain later, okay?"
Tsubame looked extremely
puzzled, but she trusted Kaoru and nodded without further comment. If Tae
noticed the difference in Kenshin's appearance she didn't let on about
it. Waving them in with a smile, she turned back to the other potential
customers passing by on the street. Tsubame led them to a table and then
let them be, dismissing herself with a quick bow.
Kaoru sighed and relaxed,
relieved to be off her feet. "Well that was a close one."
"Indeed," Kenshin said
in a low voice, staring at the tabletop. Kaoru could almost see the invisible
wall he'd erected between himself and everyone else in the restaurant,
including her. She couldn't be sure what was going through his head, but
if his thoughts at all resembled the crippling guilt she knew plagued her
rurouni then this was going to require drastic measures. More often than
not, bluntness worked better than subtlety with Kenshin.
"Kenshin, please, don't
shut yourself away from me again. I want to help you."
"I know," he said softly,
still not looking up from the table. They sat in silence for many long moments
until Tsubame delivered tea and lunch. Kaoru ate hers gratefully, her
stomach growling with hunger, while Battousai picked at his. Kaoru watched
him as she ate, looking for some sign that he was finally starting to relax.
As the meal dragged on though he remained very tense, staring into his rice
with clouded eyes.
"Aren't you hungry,
Kenshin?"
He shook his head.
She expected him to remain silent, so he surprised her when he began to speak.
"I forgot that I look different like this. I didn't even think...and now
Tsubame-dono will have to know what's happened. I feel like I shouldn't
have gone with you today."
"What are you afraid
of?" she asked quietly. She moved carefully as she reached for her soup,
so as not to startle him. His posture was rigid, like a wary animal ready
to run at the first sign of danger. No, in his case he would fight.
It's not Kenshin's way to flee, no matter how great the threat. "You
can't stay cooped up in the dojo forever. I knew looking at you this morning
that you needed to get out a bit; that's why I asked you."
"I know and...thank
you," he murmured, still unable to meet her eyes. "But I'm endangering everyone
by revealing myself. I'm sure Yanagi will be back; he was watching the
dojo for a reason. There's no telling what he might do, especially if he
learns who else I know around town..." he didn't finish his statement, but
Kaoru knew he meant Tsubame, Tae, and the group at the clinic.
"I think you're right
to be cautious Kenshin, but I know you and I know you're more than capable
of defending yourself and us at a moment's notice if you need to."
Kenshin raised his gaze
slightly, his face uncertain. "Are you so sure about that? Megumi-dono was
right about what she said about me, about my health. And with my ki hampered
like this I'm even weaker."
"You really are worried
aren't you," Kaoru said. "I've never heard you doubt yourself like this
before."
He shrugged and stared
out at the restaurant. "What was Tae-dono talking about when we came in?"
Kaoru blinked at the
change in subject and for a moment she fumbled. "What?"
"The fish," he clarified,
still not looking at her. "She asked if we enjoyed the fish. What did she
mean?"
"Uh...OH, oh that!"
Kaoru laughed nervously and waved her hand at him. "Oh that was nothing,
just something she donated for our dinner the other night."
Now Battousai looked
over at her, his eyes piercing in their intensity. "Kaoru."
She sighed, defeated.
There was no fooling him sometimes. "I wanted to celebrate the anniversary,
so she gave us fish."
He titled his head slightly,
puzzled. "Anniversary?"
"It's been a year since
you came...since you saved me from Gohei." Kaoru murmured, staring into
her lap. She didn't see the look of alternate looks of surprise and anger
that flashed across Kenshin's face.
"So all that was for
me...you going to the Akabeko. And Yanagi ruined it."
Kaoru nodded and Kenshin
scowled, finding himself both touched and indignant on her behalf. That
bastard. It would have been a good dinner too...
~*~
"No offense Kenshin,
but the guy's an asshole."
The rurouni glanced
at Sano briefly before turning back to the garden. After Battousai and Kaoru
had left that morning Sano had chosen to hang around with the rurouni,
who had been unusually quiet and withdrawn all day. Sano knew why of course;
despite Kaoru's reassurances Kenshin was obviously quite jealous of his
younger half. Sano found it amusing, though part of him sympathized with
his friend. Sano found that he truly disliked the younger Kenshin. The
teenager was arrogant, rude, and had an explosive temper capable of deeply
wounding anyone in its path. Sano honestly wondered why Kaoru would ever
agree to spend the day alone with someone like that. He couldn't understand
it, and it was only inevitable that his conversation with the rurouni would
bring up the young hitokiri. Sano blinked in astonishment at Kenshin's reply.
"I know," the redhead said simply.
"What do you mean 'you
know'? You say it like it's fine that he treats everyone like scum! I mean,
Kenshin you're a nice guy! Even when I've seen you mad you never
act like he does."
The rurouni smiled a
bit at Sano's frank honesty. He shrugged. "I suppose not, though I think
that's just because I've mellowed with age, that's all."
Sano frowned. "So you're
saying that when you were a teenager you were that much of a prick
to everyone?"
"He's not that
bad," Shinta said quietly, not sounding very convinced himself. He had
joined their conversation some time ago when he got bored watching Yahiko
practice. He sat across the small garden from the rurouni, pulling weeds
with unchildlike expertise.
Kenshin smiled slightly.
"Only sometimes, usually when Shishou wasn't around to correct me. Behaving
that way with him usually got me on the receiving end of his katana. It
wasn't pleasant."
"I can imagine." Sano
cocked his head thoughtfully. "Huh, the real Kenshin revealed then, no
rurouni mask of politeness or anything."
Kenshin looked up at
him and just stared for several long moments. Sano squirmed under
the other's intense gaze. "Sano, you're oversimplifying it. He is a part
of me, just as I am a part of him. I'd like to think that I know how to
behave with proper manners, despite the thoughts that may sometimes run
through my mind. Can't you say the same?"
"I don't see how; my
manners stink..."
The rurouni shook his
head and suppressed a groan. "No, Sano, that's not what I meant." He stood
and faced the younger man. "Why is it that you don't like him?"
Sano sniffed. "I thought
it was obvious."
"Is it now? Doesn't
he remind you of anyone?"
Sano raised an eyebrow,
confused. "What?"
"Why are we friends?"
Kenshin moved to stand only a few feet from him, his expression earnest.
"What kind of question
is that? I don't know, we saved each other's butts a few times... and I
guess you're one of the few guys I know who'll put up with me."
"Why do you think that
is?"
Sano sighed in frustration
and ran his hands through his spiky hair. "I don't know! Jeez, you can be
so weird sometimes! Where the hell are you going with this? Look, I'm not
saying you're the jerk Kenshin, Battousai is."
"Don't call him that,"
the rurouni reminded him quietly. "And you still seem to be missing the
fact that he and I are one and the same, despite a few minor differences."
Kenshin could see that Sano still wasn't catching on. He tried another
tack. "Why do you feel it's hard for others to 'put up with you', as you
phrased it."
Sano scowled for a minute.
He wasn't going to reply to that but something about Kenshin's expression
said that he honestly expected an answer; besides, he was curious to know
just what the rurouni was getting at. "'cause, I get into fights all the
time, I gamble all my money away so I freeload off Jou-chan and a bunch
of other people, I'm not real good at being nice to people...I'm not real
likable most of the time, I guess. I'm a tough guy, I don't go for all that
sissy make-nice crap."
"Neither do I," Kenshin
said pleasantly. There was a pregnant pause.
Sano felt understanding
creeping at the edges of his mind; he tried to ignore it. "Sure you do,
you're always so polite and refined and everyone likes you..."
"That's right, Saitou
has a secret fanclub devoted to me, and the Juppongatta and Enishi are all
happy members. They follow me around and pick fights because they think
I'm so incredibly nice and cool with my sword."
Sano blinked in astonishment.
"Did...did I just hear that come out of your mouth?!"
"Yes."
Sano could feel his
mouth hanging open. The rurouni locked eyes with him. "You and I are very
much alike, Sano. I just handle things differently now that I'm older. When
I was your age I wasn't popular with anyone. Trust me on this one.
On the other hand though," he continued, ignoring Sano's poleaxed expression,
"the other Kenshin isn't normally so agitated. He's acting like this because
of the situation we're in, not because it's in his nature to be vicious.
His behavior has been much, much worse than usual."
Sano slowly sank down
to sit on the porch. "'Worse than usual'? I don't understand, you say that
like he...like you're...damn it! What the hell is he then?"
The rurouni crouched
back down among the plants, dropping seeds carefully into one of the holes
he'd dug in the soft soil. "Something I thought I had abandoned and grown
out of long ago, until Saitou came and showed me that it was still there."
Sano blinked, even more
confused. "Huh?"
Kenshin sighed. Sano
wasn't the exactly the quickest of thinkers, but he seemed to be particularly
dense today. It seemed he really was going to have to spell it out for
the younger man. Kenshin didn't mind this though; he found that he wanted
to explain himself to his friend, to make him understand. For the first
time, I can share this with someone else. It's strange, to have a friend
I can confide in. "Sano, do you remember what I told you during my
fight with Soujirou? About how Battousai broke free in my fight with Saitou?"
Sano nodded slowly.
"Yeah, but why did you say it like that? You made it seem as if you had two
people in your head instead of one."
"You could say that,
yes."
"What? But Kenshin that's...that's
crazy!"
Kenshin shrugged. "Crazy
or not, that's the way it is. I've been like this for so long I can hardly
remember a time before it. It doesn't seem strange to me anymore, though
I can see how it would to you. That younger Kenshin, the one you dislike
so much, is for the most part a mask, a persona I adopted to do what I knew
I normally could not. At the same time though, he's also me...as I was
before I learned a lot of hard lessons about life."
Sano felt his eyes widen
as he stared at his friend. I've never heard him talk like this before.
He's being so...open. "So you mean the assassin part of you is...fake?"
"I wish he was," the
rurouni muttered under his breath, so quietly Sano almost missed it. Kenshin
gave a sharp shake of his head, continuing as if he hadn't spoken. "Yes,
and no. He is complicated; as I said, you're oversimplifying him. He is
a part of me that was originally harmless, just a boy like any other. But
when he had to assume the assassin's role, he become something dark and
dangerous, a killer in the shadows. At the time he had no choice; it was
either kill or be killed himself. As time went on though, that darkness
in him grew stronger, and for a while I lost control over him. Even all
these years later, he still sometimes manages to break free. We are the same
man, and yet not."
Sano tried to work his
mind around the concept. As bizarre and insane as the idea seemed, it fit
with the Kenshin he knew, and explained a lot of his strange and often
contradictory behavior. "How...I mean, what happened to do that to you?"
Shinta had been silent
throughout the conversation. He'd continued to weed the garden, his head
bowed as he listened intently to the exchange between the two men. Now
he lifted his head, his large eyes sad. "War," he said softly.
The rurouni nodded in
agreement. "You know the horrors of war, Sano. You've seen it for yourself.
You've seen what it does to those involved."
"Yeah," Sano murmured.
"Yeah, I sure do." The image of his taichou's head severed and put on display
for the crowds to jeer at flashed through his mind, just as vivid now as
it had been the day he'd stood as a young boy outside the gate, hardly
able to believe that his mentor was really gone. Anger had sparked within
him then, rage towards the Imperialist pigs that had so brutally betrayed
and murdered the man who had become like a second father to him. From that
day forward he had vowed to become strong, and for ten years he'd lost
himself in the violent life of a street fighter, fighting to escape the
pain of his anger and loss. For a long time, he realized, it was as if there
had been another Sagara Sanosuke within him. "Zanza" had taken on almost
a life of his own; it had taken getting his ass kicked by Kenshin to bring
him back to his senses again. So that's how it must have been for Kenshin...only
for him Battousai had become so strong it took the death of his own wife
to wake him up to what he'd become. And even then, Battousai never disappeared.
Suddenly, it was as if a light had gone on inside Sano's head,
and he looked up at the rurouni in growing alarm. "Wait, Kenshin, that
other you...is he dangerous? He wouldn't do anything you wouldn't, right?"
The rurouni's expression
was grave. "I don't know that, Sano. What worries me about him is his lack
of control over his own emotions...he's never been free like this before,
so he is frightened and confused. He has no self-control because I
am his self-control. That is where the split occurred, I think."
"Oh...oh shit," Sano
whispered, comprehension dawning. "So at any moment that kid could just
snap?"
Now even Shinta looked
worried, biting his lip nervously. "Rurouni-san, what if he does? What do
we do?"
Kenshin stared off into
the yard, no longer trying to hide the worry and fear etched into his features.
"I really don't know, and that's what frightens me."
A/N: Hmm can
we say foreshadowing with a sledgehammer anyone? The plot I'd intended for
this chapter got pushed aside in favor of all the character development,
which just kept expanding ^_^ So how was the Battousai/Kaoru stuff? I really
like the hitokiri part of Kenshin; yeah he's kind of a jerk but he has
a strong sense of honor and no matter what he'll always protect his friends,
especially Kaoru. And his skill with a sword, yum! Not to mention the hair
and *ahem* sorry got carried away there ;) Things pick up in part 8. So,
what happens when a crazy ahou from Hokkaido meets a royally pissed off
hitokiri? Find out next time! ^_^ I go back to work Monday teaching art
to cheerful children and rowdy teenagers *sigh* that's my lot in life ;)
My time to write will be a bit limited, so it may be a week or two before
an update. Gomen! I did do a little sketch of Battousai looking at the prism
though, Kenshin's hard to draw but I'm getting pretty decent at it, if
you're interested, please take a look! Click here.
Glossary:
oniichan = older brother; Sano shortens it to 'niichan
taichou = captain
kenjutsu= swordsmanship
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