Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters
by Akai Kitsune
100: Answer
~*~
You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the answer is always there.
~*~
The snow was falling, brilliant and beautiful, from the sky
to the empty yard in a wild flurry. Kaoru smiled at the sight, her mind urging
her bare feet forward to allow the soft sound of those flakes crunch beneath
them, but responsibility held her back.
Part of being a mother, she
supposed, was being able to know when to let loose and when to hold back. It
was a hard balance, but she was learning.
And some people needed
to learn, she decided, as Kenji flew past her, tumbling straight into the snow
with a muffled giggle, his father close behind him, slower but no less
enthusiastic. They watched in amusement as the boy rolled a snowball between
his fingers, trying to hide it, and Kenshin, glancing surreptitiously at
Kaoru, pressed his fingers to his lips as a sign for secrecy, and carefully
turned his back from the child. Kaoru smiled, pursing her own lips to withhold
her laughter.
Kenshin set free a soft "oro"
as the snowball collided with his back, and he spun on his heels, chasing his
hysterical, mischievous son around the yard, feigning anger and indignance
which fooled no one. Kenji fell into the snow again, stuffing the feathery ice
around his head as if to hide himself, even as Kenshin's arms curved around
the boy's waist.
"Kyaa!"
Kenji cried through his laughter as Kenshin tickled him playfully. "Tousan,
stop it, stop it!"
Kenshin did, lifting the boy
higher to rest on his shoulders, where Kenji twined his hands through his
father's hair for support.
"Kenshin,"
Kaoru called with a grin, holding something in her hands, "Aren't you
forgetting something?"
"Oro,"
Kenshin murmured again, taking the missing sandal from her and curving his
head to meet Kenji's eyes. "I thought you had them both?"
"Tousan,"
Kenji giggled, tugging on the crimson strands between his fingers, "That's
yours!"
Kenshin smiled broadly,
winking at Kaoru. "So it is," he agreed brightly, balancing on one foot to
place the sandal where it belonged. "Shall we go then?"
"Don't
forget to ask Tae-san when the engagement party is," Kaoru reminded pointedly,
"And bring back some sweetcakes."
"Wai!
Sweetcakes!" Kenji cheered, rocking back and forth in his enthusiasm. "Lots
and lots of sweetcakes!"
Kenshin smiled musingly.
"Just enough for us, Kenji. Maybe if Yahiko comes over, we'll get some extra."
"And if he
doesn't," Kenji asked curiously, "Can I eat them?"
Both parents couldn't help
but laugh. "Maybe," Kenshin said quietly, so Kaoru would not hear.
Kaoru wasn't listening. She
was watching him, her arm rested slightly against the engawa post, admiring
his figure in the falling snow. The dark luster of her father's navy hanten
looked positively stunning on him, she decided, giving a brief nod in silent
agreement. She was glad she had insisted he wear it, and that Kenji had been
present to plead with him - or bargain, she corrected, thinking of the child's
words.
"If I
have to bundle up, Daddy, then you do too!"
"Sou de
gozaru ka?"
"Hai!"
The memory made her smile,
and she waved as they finished preparing to leave.
"Take care
on the road," she gave a final warning, and Kenshin merely nodded, not really
needing to be told - he was always careful when Kenji was with him -
but appreciating it nonetheless.
"We always
do, don't we Kenji?"
"Yep!"
Kenji's head bobbed in agreement. "See you later, kaasan!"
The wind blew harder, and
Kenji shrieked, burying his face in Kenshin's hair. Kaoru caught Kenshin's
low chuckle, as he gave the boy's head a comforting pat.
"I love
you!" Kaoru called, impulsively, once they reached the gate, not really
knowing why. Kenshin seemed to understand - which wasn't unusual, she thought
with a slightly envious glint in her eyes - but Kenji merely grinned and waved
again, calling back to her, "I love you too!"
"I love
you three!"
"I love
you four!"
"I love
you a million!" Kaoru batted back, her hands on her hips in victory.
Kenji faltered, blinking for
a moment, baffled at what he might say to beat her statement. Kenshin leaned
back again, whispering in his ear, and the smile reappeared, as he called, "I
love you forever!"
Kaoru laughed delightedly,
her eyes eternally grateful as they met Kenshin's ever-knowing gaze. He didn't
speak, merely mouthed the same words, and left the dojo, Kenji still waving at
his back.
"I love
you forever," she whispered to herself, crossing her arms across her chest to
ward away the cold, even as the words of her family warmed her heart.
The snow
was loud beneath his feet, and he felt himself sink with each step. It was
still snowing hard, and he wasn't sure if today was such a good day for an
unnecessary visit to the Akabeko, but he could hardly deny Kenji's childish
pleas, especially after promising to purchase some cakes.
Kenshin wiggled his nose,
feeling the chill of a snowflake resting upon his nose, and Kenji laughed,
watching him. The snow finally melted on his flushed skin, and he licked his
lips, catching the drop as it trailed past his scar towards his chin. Cold,
biting cold; he shivered, trying to hide it from his son, but the soft tremor
made Kenji blink, arms curving closer around his neck.
"What the
matter, Tousan? Are you scared? Don't you like the snow?"
Kenshin replied quickly, "Of
course I do, I love it, I'm all right," laughing, lying, and the snow in his
mouth tasting of blood.
Kenji was fooled by his hasty
response, and they continued on their way, heading towards the Akabeko on a
mission of utmost importance.
Tsubame greeted them at the
door, blushing and smiling broadly despite her usual shyness. Kenshin bowed
low as he congratulated her, and Kenji slid from his shoulders to give her a
long hug.
As he pulled away, his eyes
like sapphire teacups, he blurted, "Are you and Yahiko-niichan really getting
married?"
Tsubame flushed pink again,
and she brushed her hand through Kenji's hair, beaming. "Yes we are,
Kenji-chan. Isn't it exciting?"
"Yep!"
Kenji grinned, darting past her to tackle Yahiko's legs as he too approached
them. With the boy clinging to his hakama, Yahiko smiled at Kenshin and
clasped his arm as one man to another, a silent companionship. Neither were
certain that the engagement was a completely wise idea, despite the obvious
mutual feelings between the young couple, but seventeen was still an age
Kenshin was wary of, and he carried far too many memories of Yahiko and
Tsubame as simple children, involved in an innocent romance and nothing more.
But he could not object to
their choice, nor would he - or Kaoru, for that matter, although she was less
likely to doubt, having married at a close age herself - and he was genuinely
happy for them.
"What
brings you here?" Yahiko asked, calling him back to reality, and he was led to
a table, sitting down with Kenji and the newly engaged couple to explain the
purpose of their outing.
They ended up remaining at
the restaurant for several hours, when the gentle snowfall became a storm, far
too severe to travel through - perhaps not for Kenshin, but for the child he
had brought with him. The pair waited out the storm with their madly blushing
companions, the conversation light and unofficial, steering from any
discussions of weddings unless Kenji brought it up briefly.
Kenshin was careful to hide
his amusement at the evident shyness of the newly-betrothed. He knew the
feeling himself, although he didn't mention anything to them; his first
marriage had hardly ended well, and that story would not comfort them in the
slightest.
When the snow began to die
down, a brief respite from the previous downpour, he announced it was time to
go home. Kenji was already full of sweets, thanks to Tae's indulgent hands, so
he carefully bagged the remaining treats and thanked their host graciously. He
placed his hand on Yahiko's shoulder, and squeezed Tsubame's hand, wordlessly
speaking to both of them, and he left the Akabeko with a genuine smile on his
face, Kenji's hand clasping his.
They were young, he knew, but
they were honest and true to each other, and they had hope. Such things were
important in a marriage, and he couldn't help but feel a little envious of
them.
'If I had hesitated
with Tomoe... perhaps...'
But there was no sense in
dwelling in the past. If he had hesitated, there may have been nothing to wait
for, and the things she had taught him during their time together was truly
priceless.
If he had hesitated, there
would not be a child at his side, holding his hand with sticky, sugar-coated
fingers, chattering amiably about the upcoming celebration.
If he had hesitated, there
would not be a bright-eyed, smiling wife waiting for him at home.
Despite his thoughts, he was
grateful he had waited to ask Kaoru to be his wife. Haste and reckless choices
only caused pain for all involved - he was a living example of the truth in
those words. He had to wait, to protect her; he had to be sure.
'I had to be sure I
wasn't mistaken... that I wouldn't end up hurting her like I hurt Tomoe.'
He hurt her by waiting too
long, though, which was why - when Yahiko came to him initially, eyes hidden
and downcast, hands clenching and unclenching at his side, asking if it would
be logical and wise to ask Tsubame to be his bride - he had smiled at the
young man he had come to call, in his mind, a son, and nodded, saying simply
that he must do as his heart told him. If his heart summoned him to marry,
then he must do so, or try, at least.
"Hesitation will get you nowhere," he had told Yahiko gently, yet with
caution, "But taking consideration in your actions is not a bad idea either.
Keep that in mind."
The assistant master of the
Kamiya dojo had paused, cinnamon eyes slowly rising to meet his mentor's.
"But..." he gulped, chewing lightly on his lip, "What if she says no?"
Kenshin had almost laughed,
but was far too considerate of the boy's feelings to give in to the impulse.
Sano would have laughed, he was certain.
"Tsubame-dono," he had murmured instead, deadly serious, "Cares very deeply
for you, Yahiko. If you are true to her feelings, then whatever you do, you
will both be happy."
He would say no more on the
matter. One week later, the engagement was announced.
Now,
walking home after watching the two of them together, he was confident that
the right choice had been made. Yahiko and Tsubame complimented each other,
and Kenshin couldn't help but wonder if their marriage would echo his own:
both himself and Yahiko needed someone to protect, yet still rely upon.
Tsubame, while shy, was certainly a brave and intelligent girl - wise enough
to hold Yahiko back if she needed to.
'Just like my
Kaoru,' he mused, 'Any faults are far outshone by her spirit. That is
how it should be.'
'Tomoe... in your
darkness... I wish you could have been like that. I think... it would have
made us happier in the end.'
'It has made me happier... this I know...'
And he knew Kaoru was happy
as well, despite his own faults, despite the occasional time he had to leave
for a week or so, despite the fact that he didn't always look happy, even if
he really was.
He was working on that. He
genuinely, honestly was.
"It's so hard for me, koishii..."
"When you are
happy, then I'll always be happy."
"I promise..."
He tried his best to make her
happy, to keep that brilliant, beautiful smile on her lips, the light in her
eyes that seemed to shine in any weather, any situation.
Beautiful eyes, she and her
son. Their son.
My son.
He would never let go of
these things. They were his - Battousai was always a possessive one, he
was forced to admit - and he would not allow anything to touch them, to hurt
them.
Even him. Especially
him.
"Tousan?"
Kenji's voice called up to him, curious and quiet. "Are you cold?"
"Are you happy?"
"Just a
little," he responded, giving the tiny hand he held a gentle squeeze. "Are
you?"
Kenji's head bobbed. "Hai."
Kenshin halted, knelt down in
the snow, and opened his arms, inviting the boy with a nod and a smile. "Come
on then; maybe we can keep each other warm."
The child came gratefully,
his hands tucked inside his gi as Kenshin's arms wrapped around him, drawing
him close. He rose in one swift motion, and Kenji cuddled closer, nestled deep
in the navy hanten which was already decorated with snow.
"Tousan?"
"Yes?"
"Is that
better?"
Warm. My son. "Much
better. Thank you."
Kenji smiled shyly, hiding
his face in the hanten's dark warmth. He didn't give a response.
The world never stopped,
Kenshin realized then, carrying his small son home, as the snow fell in
diminutive tornadoes around them. It never stopped, never hesitated, never
waited for anything to happen. It forged ahead, despite faults, or the
problems of the people living in it. Like the wind, it carried on, ignoring
the icy burdens borne by its weight.
'I want to be like
that,' he thought to himself, his head lifted to face the chilling breeze,
blinking away the snowflakes which melted on his eyelashes. 'I want to be
like the wind.'
'I want to carry
on, despite this life, or the life before it. Despite faults, despite what
happens to me...'
'I want to keep
moving, without moving at all.'
'I... I want to
stay...'
The dojo lay before him.
Kenji stirred against his chest, a grin appearing on his face at the sight of
home.
Home.
Kaoru was waiting for them,
brushing the loose, light snow from the engawa. He wondered how long she had
been there, her cheeks flushed by the nipping of the wind, her hair as white
as Gensai-sensei's by the white flakes that coated it. But perhaps she felt it
was worth it, for when she looked up and spotted them, her eyes were bright,
the smile on her face dazzling amidst the falling snow.
Where he belonged was here,
no matter how the wind might blow enticingly towards the road.
This place, this old house
with the spying shoji, the immortal dojo, the blossoming garden which held the
haunting ghosts of friends long gone; this was the only place he could ever
truly return to.
"Tadaima,"
he murmured, curving one arm around her waist, kissing her pink cheeks and
feeling the warmth of her blush, listening to the sound of her welcoming
reply.
This place, with his wife and
child of bright eyes, of beautiful smiles and contagious laughter, was where
he always wanted to be.
This place was home.
~*~
Kendo no Go - Owari
~*~
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