Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters
by Akai Kitsune
73: Trust
~*~
Since the
creation of his growing circle of friends, Kenshin had developed a deeply-knit
respect between himself and Sanosuke. They were so different from one another at
first glance, physically and mentally, but there was a mutual strength that they
both shared, allowing them to form an unusual friendship stronger than most.
Neither required a great amount of speech or acknowledgment of the fact; it was
based almost completely on the actions of one for the other.
However, immediately after the
Kurogasa incident, Kenshin found it difficult to rely completely on Sano. The
street fighter was loyal, strong, and a match for his own intensity at any time
- but the trust they shared, new and still forming, had been temporarily broken.
"Sano, I have a
favour to ask of you..."
It was the fault of neither,
really, and Kenshin couldn't bring himself to be angry when it was Kaoru's own
persistence and stubbornness that made her easy prey for the assassin, but he
couldn't help but wonder why Sano had so easily given in. Whatever Kaoru had
said, or done, that would make Sanosuke bend to her will and let her place
herself in danger...
"... protect her..."
Eventually,
he realized that Sano's lack of interference had stemmed from his understanding
of what Kenshin had needed in his life, more perhaps than even he knew at
the time. He had resigned himself to leave them someday - he always did, no
matter who he met or how long he stayed - knowing that the wolves of his past
would always remain at his heels, the ghost of his name a constant whisper in
the wind. He knew that his life was never meant to be stationary, never meant to
contain rituals or schedules. He had always known that. She should have
known that.
"A wanderer never
knows where or when he'll be going next..."
"... if that doesn't
bother you..."
"I'll stay here for a
little while."
Apparently it had
bothered her, quite a bit. And, really, he hadn't known that "a little while"
meant the rest of his life.
Sano had known, it seemed. And
when Kenshin had tried to remedy that, the street fighter had been sure to
remind him, with a fist in the jaw and the fierce words of rebuke that were so
familiar. None of his friends allowed him to do what he thought was best,
although he later had to admit how grateful he was that they did. His soul had
always been drawn to wandering, and it wasn't until he met these stubborn,
lighthearted people that he realized how lonely a life it had been.
He didn't
easily admit it, but Kenshin was a pessimist. Kaoru and Sanosuke both berated
him for that, annoyed by the way he was on constant watch for the shadows. He
smiled easily enough, but it was the fake, uneasy smile of a man who knew what
sort of darkness lurked beneath any form of happiness.
They hated it, he knew.
"Make today your last
day for gloomy thoughts."
"Kenshin! You've got
to stop brooding, or you'll never be happy!"
"You get any darker,
you'll turn into Aoshi!"
He knew his friends were merely
trying to help him, to improve his mood and make him smile, but sometimes he
didn't know how to respond to their comments. Don't be gloomy, don't think so
much, don't read into things so easily.
Don't be the man you've
always been.
He tried to hide his nature
from them when he could, with a smile and a wave of dismissal that usually made
them more suspicious, but far too often they could see right through his facade.
It frustrated them, as much as it did him.
Don't hide things from us,
Kenshin.
'What am I to tell
them? That years as a hitokiri have taught me simply to be careful with who I
trust? To watch my own back and the backs of my friends, so none of us will have
to suffer the mistakes I suffered during the Bakumatsu?'
'That I wait in quiet
dread for the next form of death to leap from the shadows in the hopes of
destroying me?'
'Am I to tell them
that I am resigned to that fate, now and always, yet am still unwilling to let
them become involved if I, alone, can keep them safe?'
'The world is
untrustworthy. It's not innocent; it's not safe. But if they wish to continue
thinking it is... if they wish to believe the war is over...'
'Then let me brood.
Let me dwell on things of the past.'
'It will save lives,
won't it?'
'I can protect them
this way.'
'And I will protect
them...'
~*~
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