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Do You Remember?

by Blueraingurl ::: 04.Mar.2003

Anata, I am happy for you.

After all these years you have found happiness.

But, anata-

Are you happy?

I see you smile shyly in front of your Kaoru.

Are you smiling?

There is a bright light in your eyes as you watch Kenji play.

Are you loved?

You are surrounded by the ones you love, Kaoru, Kenji, Sanosuke, Yahiko, and the innocents you protect.

But anata, I remember the nights-

So cold

So alone, we were.

Barely living-

And yet hoping that one day a peace will surround the country, surround our lives with hope.

Anata, I remember wistfully wishing that you and me,

me and you,

could love each other without an era against us.

Without the fighting.

Without the dark whispers.

Without knowing if today would be our last.

So much bloodshed,

So much we had lost-

Our innocence, our smiles, our hopes.

But fate brought us together-

And yet fate damned us together.

Yet I don’t regret-

I am happy that we had each other to hold onto-

That we had each other to love during such a time.

There is so much to say-

But so little time left.

Anata, it’s time for me to leave.

You no longer need me watching over you.

You don’t need me,
not anymore.

Yet, why does it pain me so?

To think that I cannot be near you anymore?

Yet, it hurts further, that you do not remember.

I know how selfish this sounds of me-

And I do not want you to go back to the hopelessness you felt.

You’ve come such a long way living with the guilt that plagues your mind.

So maybe it’s better this way-

That you not remember.

That, you not remember me.

But, anata-

Do you remember?

Do you remember those rare times we shared?

Do you remember the garden, do you remember when it rained? And when I cried because our garden was ruined by the rain?

Do you remember when I stumbled and you caught me in your embrace?

Do you remember when you told me that you would protect my happiness?

But, you’ve lived your whole life remembering me right?

Your cross shaped scar wouldn’t let you otherwise.

Yet, it saddens me because maybe that is the only thing you remember about me.

Is that the only thing you remember about me anata?

Does it haunt your nights?

I know it does because I watched over you when it did-

You would toss and turn, murmur names from the past-

Then with a haunted smile, you placed a mask before your loved ones the next day.

They didn’t know what haunted you then-

But they cared enough to ease your pain by just being by you.

But anata, I did not die to haunt you-

To scar you beyond repair.

I died because I loved you-

Because you deserved to live-

Because you were but a child caught in a man’s war.

I died because I love you.

Please, do not remember me as the women who died from your hands-

Please don’t let the guilt engulf you ever again.

But remember me-

When, I covered you with my shawl.

When, I stumbled and you caught me.

When, you held me as I told you about my family.

When, we embraced that night.

Anata,

Aishiteru and Sayonara.