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Conventions: *…* is emphasis, //…// is thoughts

Ah, yet another character vignette. The purpose of these mini-fics is sort of two-fold: to fill in holes I unintentionally left in the storyline, and to expand on the characters a little further from what I covered in the chapters. This is my first time writing Sano POV, I hope it works. Enjoy! This is placed within chapter 8b.

Disclaimer: Sano would be the first to say that I don't own squat. Neither does he of course, otherwise he wouldn't owe me such a big Aku Cookie® tab (courtesy of Akai-san and Shinta's Kitchen, coming soon to Food Network. Err, j/k ~_^).

Prism - Vignette: Sagara Sanosuke

Kenshin is one arrogant son of a bitch.

It's strange to say that of my best friend, but it's the truth. From the moment I first laid on eyes on him, I knew there was something different about this guy I'd been hired to fight, something that set him apart from the others. It wasn't just his girly looks or the weird sword he used, although those were certainly unusual. No, it was his eyes, particularly on that night I first appeared at Jou-chan's dojo on Gohei's payroll, hired to fight a legendary warrior. I'd been looking forward to the fight ever since the offer was made, and to be honest I was almost disappointed when I saw how shrimpy he was. Then I saw those eyes, sharp with intelligence and experience, and I began to realize that this guy was far more than he seemed.

Kenshin's eyes were, and often still are, like mirrors: reflecting the world around them, hiding their owner's secrets from view like the most loyal of bodyguards. I'd never met anyone like him before; I was used to my gambling buddies, the kind of guys who laugh and smile honestly, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and sharing their troubles freely over a couple jugs of sake.

Kenshin is *nothing* like them. He's closed off and distant, never volunteering information about himself unless it's absolutely necessary. I've spent days with him where he says maybe two whole sentences, tops. He does all the housework for Kaoru: cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning, all with a sunny false cheer that masks the pain I know lies underneath. For the longest time after I became his friend I couldn't understand why he acted like that. To a guy like me it just didn't make sense. If you were angry, you kicked some ass. If you were happy you showed it, and if you were unhappy you also showed it. Even if complaining to friends didn't get the problem solved, venting at least made you feel better afterwards. I don't think Kenshin knows how to vent; it's like the very concept is foreign to him, the notion that maybe talking out your troubles and comparing notes with other people could help you find a solution to your problem. He keeps everything bottled up inside, arguing with himself in circles until he's lost all perspective. He usually keeps this up until something awful happens to him or someone around him—like the attack on Tae-san's family by that cannon-freak henchman of Enishi's—then it all comes out in a sort of rush, like his story about Tomoe and the Bakumatsu.

Damn, and I thought *my* life sucked.

There are times, though, when he doesn't try to hide behind any kind of mask or front, where he tells the whole truth without leaving out any of the details. As I said, after we first met I couldn't understand him, and that led to some pretty stupid shit on my part, actions which forced him to finally show me the truth.

It was just a look from him actually, a simple glance, but it's one I will never forget. Me and Katsu had been attacking the Ministry of Affairs building, part of a plan to restore the Sekihoutai and get revenge on the Meji government. Torn between my past and present, I struck at Kenshin out of frustration, knowing deep in my heart that I would lose. I ran at him, and saw him lean back into battou-juutsu stance, his head lowered, waiting patiently for me to come in range.

We both knew what was going to happen. I could have stopped then; I could have gone around him or run the other way. But I couldn't turn back. I had made my choice, or so I thought: the Sekihoutai over my present life, Katsu over Kenshin, revenge over forgiveness. My own sense of pride wouldn't allow me to break off the attack, so I ran forward, screaming in rage, knowing exactly what he would do. Once when I was little kid I got kicked in the side by a horse, damn near died—that's what it felt like when his sword hit me. I felt my ribs crack and I fell into his arms, the wind knocked out of me. Kenshin hadn't held back at all, I realized in astonishment. He'd faced me as an equal, and took me out as an equal. Despite the difference in our ages and experience, I wasn't a child in his eyes. I looked up into his face, only inches from mine, and forgot to breathe.

The mirrors were gone. I could see all the way to the bottom of his eyes, to his true soul, and that's when I finally understood. He hides his true feelings because if you saw the real thing, if you saw how raw and tortured his soul really was, you wouldn't be able to sleep at night. Taking me out not as an enemy, but as a friend, had been almost more than his gentle heart could bear.

It's not hard to guess then how I felt when he later broke his promise to me and left for Kyoto. Our friendship had always been a bit rocky, but I honestly never thought he would just up and disappear. I thought he was my friend, I thought he understood what friendship was supposed to be about, but he left us behind as if we didn't matter, as if no one was supposed to care what became of him. That stupid, arrogant, selfish, pig-headed kisama of a swordsman! That's what I thought at the time, in my fury which really was my way of hiding how hurt I was, because that bastard Saitou had been exactly right. I was a weakness, and in Kenshin's mind the only way to protect what he cares about is to put the burden completely on his shoulders. That idiot is so full of himself sometimes, and he doesn't even realize it. He never will either, because he doesn't do it out of some inflated sense of ego. He does it because he is so kind.

I thought about all of this as I followed Battousai out of the Western Quarter after his little run-in with Yanagi, and by the time we were halfway home I was all but spitting with rage. I couldn't get the memory of Kenshin with his sword at Yanagi's throat out of my mind, and I was appalled at Battousai's arrogance. Don't get me wrong, I wanted that slimy bastard Yanagi to get his, just not by Kenshin's hand. Stupid Battousai, how dare he put Kenshin's vow in jeopardy! The decision to kill should involve all three of them, and for him to act on his own without any care for those around him…I wanted to strangle him, kick him, *something*.

I glared at his back, my shoulders tensing in anger. *"Don't presume to understand me, Sanosuke, when I don't even understand myself"* What the fuck was *that* supposed to mean?! What wasn't there to understand? Wasn't it obvious what he was? Only a selfish bastard would have done what he'd done, and he was killing the rurouni with his actions. My friend didn't deserve this. Kenshin didn't need this shit from anyone, especially not himself! That arrogant, evil—

Before I realized it, I was running. I was flying at him, and then my hand was on the his shoulder, pulling him around to face me. I screamed obscenities into his shocked face, barely aware of what I was saying. "How dare you! I won't let you off that easy!"

I lunged at him, and with all the speed and power I could I tried to punch him in the face. He blocked easily, his sheathed sword coming up to keep my fist far from his head. "Don't be foolish, Sano," he said with infuriating patience, his flat amber eyes carrying just enough of a patronizing glint to make my blood boil.

"Don't look at me like that, dammit! I'll kick your ass right now!"

I struck again, knowing I was no match for him, and again he deflected my attacks with no effort. He shook his head at me. "It's foolish to fight when you know you'll lose."

"Shut up! You had no right to come out here tonight! What if you had killed him? I thought you took that vow for a reason, you heartless jerk!"

I had meant to wound him with that, but I was honestly suprised see hurt flash openly though his eyes. He looked away. "I didn't realize you thought so little of me."

"You certainly seem to think little of the rest of us! You always do this; you keep us around while it's convenient then ditch us when we don't agree with you! What the hell gives you the right to do whatever you damn well please? What are they going to say when you get back, huh? You think they're going to welcome you with open arms knowing what you almost did? Don't you care about what they feel?"

The silence was deafening. Battousai's arm was still braced against mine, and as the moment wore on I could feel it trembling. Trembling? I blinked in confusion. Why would he be—

Battousai suddenly stepped away. He stood with his head down, his face hidden. "What are you saying?" Slowly, he lifted his head and met my glare of challenge with eyes like amber glass. "Do you wish to fight me then?"

"Yeah, I do. Someone has to punish you for this. I know the rurouni sure won't!"

"Very well." He nodded once before vanishing into thin air. //Shit. // I tensed and whirled, unsure what direction he'd be coming from, and nearly got my neck broken when his sheathed sword came down from above. I ducked and rolled away from him, but he was on me before I could even stand up, slamming the butt end of the Sakabatou into my gut.

I cried out at the bone-crunching impact and grabbed onto the sword, pulling him to me. I rained blows down on his back, but it was like striking steel and I quickly realized my mistake when he wrapped his arms around my waist and shoved upwards. Using my size to his advantage, he slung me bodily onto his shoulders and threw me several feet. I landed badly, and though I rolled to my feet automatically the damage was done; my gut was on fire and I realized that he'd struck the same spot he'd kicked so viciously earlier. He wasn't holding back at all now; this Kenshin was a true fighter, and he'd survived this long by knowing exactly how to take down his opponent. I'd lost this match, and I glared at him with open hostility. "What? Is that all? Aren't you gonna kill me now for getting in the way of your little vendetta? You three were supposed to fight him *together*. How much longer do you think the rurouni will last when you can't even keep one goddamn promise!"

I tensed automatically, fully expecting to be hit for that, but Battousai simply stood there, gaze averted, the sword in his grasp trembling slightly. I was shocked out of my anger when he finally looked at me.

The cold, self-assured assassin was gone. In his place was a stricken teenaged boy, and his expression of fear was so alien to Kenshin I almost didn't recognize it for what it was. I looked into his eyes—now mysteriously violet—and felt my own eyes widen in disbelief. The mirrors were gone. I could see now into his fractured mind, could see that—

No. *No*, it was wrong, it couldn't be—

"Stay away…" I whispered hoarsely. I got to my feet and stumbled away from him, back the way we'd come.

"Sano…" Kenshin's voice was almost pleading, and he looked at me with unfathomable sorrow.

//Shit. *Shit*. // I backed away from those broken eyes. "What the hell are you? *Who* are you?"

He didn't say anything, and looking back on it now, remembering the awful look on his face when I said that to him, I don't think he really knew the answer. I cringe when I think about that night. I feel like such an ass; I nearly killed our friendship that night, all because I had been too stubborn to accept what my heart knew was true, that the hitokiri was as much my friend as the rurouni. Battousai was no stranger to me; he had fought alongside me in Kyoto, defended my honor when Saitou used me as bait to lure him from the depths of Kenshin's mind, saved me from myself during the Sekihoutai incident. He was my comrade-in-arms, and yet I treated him like complete shit, as if he were some lower form of life.

I regret that now. Even though everything turned out all right in the end, I still regret it. I still wonder why I reacted to him the way I did. Maybe, deep down, I needed someone to blame for Kenshin's pain. Maybe I was afraid of the similarities between the hitokiri and myself, or maybe I just couldn't live with the thought that I was hating Battousai for the wrong reasons, that hating him meant also hating a piece of myself.

Whatever the reason, I made the rift between Kenshin's three selves worse with my ignorance. Kenshin would never agree with me, but that battle between them in the rain a few days later was as much my fault as theirs. Battousai felt shunned, rejected, and despised by everyone around him…is it any surprise why? Kenshin isn't some kind of god or demon; he's human like the rest of us, and like everyone else he depends on others for support and companionship. It's easy to forget that sometimes, with all the amazing things he can do. When Battousai appeared we were all so quick to judge him, to dismiss him as something that was almost inhuman. No one ever gave him a real chance to explain himself. Never once did I think to ask him *why* he'd attacked Yanagi all on his own. I think that he probably had his reasons, reasons consistent with the Kenshin I knew and respected. But I'll never really know, will I? I missed my chance forever when I turned and ran from him. At the time, all I knew was that I'd had enough of him, of Yanagi, of the whole damn situation, and so without another word I ran off into the night, towards home and my own bed, leaving him alone with his fears and self-loathing.

I left him, just as he had left me. I ran from the very real agony I saw in his eyes. Suffering exactly the same as that night when Kenshin defeated me soundly for the second time.

Not as an enemy, but as a friend.