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My Life: Chapter 2 - Kaoru

by Fitz

I didn’t like her at first. She was pushy and loud and too smart for her own good. Okay, so I was intimidated by her.

She greeted me first. I was just the quiet kid who sat as close to the door as possible. I was not shy. No, I was perfectly confident, able to speak in front of people and interact with others well enough. It had never been my style to be the center of attention, I suppose. I was content to sit on the sidelines and let others do the talking. A person got into less trouble that way.

Apparently, in creative writing, this is not a good trait. Kaoru told me this.

“Kenshin,” she said, this big smile on her face, “if you don’t speak, you’ll never be spoken to.”

Wow. Very deep and insightful. I told her as much, and she just rolled her eyes and smacked me upside the head. I think I can safely say that I did not make a good first impression. Of course, neither did she. We had known each other for maybe three minutes, and she whacked me! I labeled her a conceited brat.

Being that we were in the same discussion group, Kaoru and I had to get over our mutual distasted for each other. Again, she made the effort. Call me selfish, but I was fine with letting the relationship stay where it was. That is to say, we irritated each other. Fine enough. After the English class was over, we would likely never see each other again. So why make the effort? Kaoru did not agree with me.

She took me to lunch. Sort of. We paid for our own meals, and McDonald’s was not the greatest place if you wanted a decent atmosphere. It was with screeching children running around us that we attempted to come to a truce.

“Why do you hate me so much, Kenshin?” she asked me. I can recall her confused expression, as if it had never occurred to her that someone in this world might not like her.

“I don’t hate you, Kaoru.” As if I could come right out and say that if I did. I’m a little cold, but I’m not mean. She still looked confused, so I swallowed my fries and explained myself. “I don’t appreciate people trying to make me do something I don’t want to do.”

“Talk to people?” she shot right back at me.

“Talk to loud, overly cheerful people with no respect for others’ personal space.” Quite honestly, I had let my mouth run away with me. I must have turned four different shades of red before Kaoru started laughing. I had just insulted her, and she laughed! My embarrassment turned to shock.

“You know, Kenshin,” Kaoru told me. “You’re just an antisocial snob yourself. So we’re even.”

I stared at her. A strange, reflexive laugh bubbled out of me, and I had to choke that down before it could build up to anything. I excused myself and left the little fast food place. I walked back to the dorm in thirty-eight degree weather. It was miserable walking through the rain and wind that mile and a half, but I made it.

At the dorm that night, I told Sano what Kaoru had said. He laughed and patted my head like I was a little kid. I’m sure I glared at him, but I don’t really recall. I remember quite clearly what he said, though.

“What’re you so upset about, Kenshin?” Sano laughed some more as he walked away from me. “It’s not like she was lying.”

That floored me. Antisocial? Me? A snob? Pfft!

^_^

Kaoru always managed to sneak up on me. Well, that was not entirely true. I had excellent hearing, so I could always tell when she was coming. However, she was very good at startling me. She did it again one Halloween afternoon.

I was sitting in my spot at the table, minding my own business, when something strange feeling clipped over my head. Naturally, I jumped, turning to see who was touching me, my hands immediately jumping to investigate that pressure just behind my ears. Kaoru was grinning at me from behind a pair of pink hippie glasses.

“Happy Halloween, Kenshin,” she giggled. “We decided we were all going to dress up.”

I looked around when she said that, and sure enough, the entire class had gone all out. There were fourteen of us, everyone--myself excluded--was decked out in various costumes. As I already mentioned, Kaoru was a hippie. She had on flashy bellbottoms, a tie-dye tee shirt and a matching ribbon over her forehead. It was... cute. All she needed were some drugs to carry around with her, and she could have passed for the real thing.

“We knew you wouldn’t dress up, so we brought you something to wear,” Kaoru informed me cheerily. “Hold still.”

“What?” that was all that made it past my lips before she came at me with some sort of pencil. “Hey!”

“Just a sec!” Kaoru laughed at my skittish response and caught my chin, holding my face still. I felt her drawing on my cheeks, and I wrinkled my nose in distaste. She just grinned and finished whatever she was doing. “There! Now put this on...”

I don’t know how they managed it, but between Kaoru and the other twelve students of the creative writing class, they got me into that costume. It consisted of a black shirt--which I was already wearing--a pair of black pants (which I would have given my right arm to find out how they knew what size to get), that black eyebrow pencil, a pair of cat ears, and a black tail tied to the back of my pants. They adjusted my long hair so that it did not interfere with the headband and pronounced me ready to face the day.

Feeling utterly ridiculous, I stared at my reflection in the hand held mirror one girl pulled from her purse. Along with the tail and ears, Kaoru had drawn whiskers across my cheeks and colored the tip of my nose black.

“I knew he’d be able to pull it off!” another student laughed. Her name was Misao. She was even worse than Kaoru when it came to energy and noise. But she had her eye on Aoshi, and she never bothered me. At the moment, she was dressed in extraordinarily tight, leather pants and a midriff shirt that scooped so low that, if she had been particularly well-endowed, she would have been spilling out. As it was, she was not. She winked at me and purred loudly, the vaguely erotic sound making half of the students blush and/or laugh.

“You’ve got to wear this all day, Kenshin,” Kaoru ordered, as if she could enforce this. “Got it?”

“Yeah, sure,” I agreed carelessly.

“Because you’re going Halloweening with us,” Kaoru finished.

“Halloweening?”

I was not keen on the idea. I had stuff to do. You know, that homework that was due the following Friday, my laundry, and I think there was a new episode of Simpsons on that I intended to watch. Halloweening... whatever that was... did not fall into that list of things to do. I opened my mouth, preparing to give every excuse in the book for why I could not go.

^_^

There was a Halloween party at the Armory that night. The main hall was decked out in orange and black crepe paper, and most of the lights were out. Electric candles lined the doors, and there was candy corn in huge bowls on folding tables near the walls. There was a DJ and loud music playing, and some student council members greeted us at the door.

“Come on, Kenshin!” Kaoru grabbed my hand and pulled me out to the dance floor where a dozen other students were already jumping around to the music. Where Kaoru got off thinking I would want to dance was beyond me. First off, I hated dancing. I just was not good at it. Second, Kaoru was not on my list of people I was happy with at the moment. She had dressed me up like a kitty, dragged me out to a party I did not care to attend, and generally had made me feel very foolish.

So there I was, the boy in a cat costume, standing next to a hippie girl who was bopping about like there was no tomorrow. She grinned and motioned for me to join her. It did look kind of fun. I stared at her for a few seconds, uncertain about the whole situation.

I walked off the dance floor. Kaoru was calling my name as I went, but I kept walking. I just could not bring myself to do it. I stopped by the snack table and picked up some candy corn and a can of Sprite before moving to sit on the floor by the wall. Other people were already sitting there, so I did not feel like a complete outcast.

The night had been embarrassing, to put it mildly. Already, Kaoru and her friends had taken me with them when they went to Taco Bell--all in costume--and then trick-or-treating. It’s bad enough being the guy with long hair and somewhat girlish looks. I’ve learned to deal with that. However, when someone sticks said girly-boy into a cat costume, things get uncomfortable. I was mistaken for a girl more times than I care to count that night. Some guy at Taco Bell started hitting on me, which everyone else found immensely amusing.

Oh yeah. I was having the time of my life. Honestly, I wanted to retreat to my dorm room and not leave until the world had forgotten I existed.

I saw Kaoru coming long before she sat next to me. She slid down the wall beside me, and I looked down at my Sprite. If she wanted to chastise me for being the spoilsport of the party, then I did not want to hear it. If she was planning to offer advice, I didn’t care to hear that either. I just wanted to leave.

Kaoru surprised me again.

“You really don’t like this, do you?” she asked solemnly.

I did not respond to that. The answer was too obvious.

“Do you want me to leave you alone, Kenshin?” she asked then. That startled me, but I just blinked and looked at her uneasily. She stared straight ahead, not really focusing on anything, just not looking at me. “Is that what you would like?”

I was not sure what to say. She was offering me an escape, I thought.

“You look miserable,” she continued. “I thought some of this would cheer you up, but it looks like it was just another failed attempt by Kaoru Kamiya. Just say the word, Kenshin, and I won’t try this ever again. I’ll leave you alone.”

My mouth opened. Whether an objection or some sort of agreement was on my tongue, I never found out. Kaoru looked at me, lifting her eyebrow in challenge.

“Is that what you want?” she asked again, that infuriating little expression on her face.

I nodded. Kaoru’s expression never changed. She just mirrored my nod, got to her feet, and walked away. I stared after her for a minute, then got up as well, brushing the dust from my pants, and left the hall.

Forty minutes later, I was in my room. My face was washed, the cat ears and tail deposited on my shelf, and my pajamas on. I shut off the lights and climbed into bed.

The clock was creeping up on three AM before I finally fell asleep. It’s not that I wasn’t tired--I was. But I could not help but feel that somehow, despite what I had felt was right earlier, I had made a terrible mistake.

^_^

I dreaded going to my creative writing class that week. It kept me up the night before, and I had dark rings under my eyes that day. After all, what did a person say when he had just rejected a nice girl’s offer of friendship?

The trip to class seemed longer than usual. I even took the bus. People looked at me funny when I lingered too long on the front steps of the Liberal Arts building. Some guy offered me a cigarette, and since I had ten minutes until class started, I accepted. He held out a Bic lighter. It was embarrassing how my hands trembled when I lit up. The smoke filled my lungs, and I exhaled it in a comforting white cloud. I hadn’t done this in years.

“The name’s Saitou,” the man introduced himself casually. He looked a little old to be attending college for the first time, but hey... it’s a big college. I had a sixty-five year old woman in my Western Civilizations class my second semester. It was not that unusual. This guy must have been creeping up on forty.

“Kenshin,” I offered. After all, it was polite. “You go to school here?”

The man smirked at me.

“I’m the head of the Law department.”

Oh, how embarrassing! I should have realized, what with that department being housed in this building. I was not too worried at the moment. The cigarette really did make me feel better, and Saitou looked sour enough not to care about my social blunder.

“Oh.” It was a pathetic response, but I was just too tired to come up with anything better. It was not like I would see this guy much anyway. I hoped to avoid any and all political and social science classes. I was still plotting how to dance around them, but I had yet to be very successful.

“Hey! Kenshin!”

Saitou walked away, and I blinked in confusion. That voice had been familiar, and it was just as well that the department head would leave before I could get reamed for how I had treated Kaoru the previous Friday.

Sighing wearily, I flicked the ashes off the tip of my cigarette and looked up to see Misao stomping her way across the sidewalk to me. She had a deep scowl set into her cute face.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” she demanded as soon as she was close enough to yell at me but not quite close enough to spit on me.

“I--” that smoke that’s supposed to be so terrible for a person invaded my lungs again, and I stubbed the cigarette butt out in the sand-filled tray atop the trash can next to me. “--am smoking.”

“That’s disgusting!” another young woman appeared next to Misao. She was also rather short and cute. I could not be certain, but Omasu seemed to be the right name for her face. She grimaced at the smoke drifting toward her. “I didn’t know you smoked, Kenshin.”

“I don’t usually,” I replied, then looked back at Misao. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s not like I killed your best friend.”

“No, but you were really mean to her!” Misao shot back without pause. “Kaoru was just trying to be nice to you because you’re always by yourself, and she thought you could use a friend.”

“I have friends.” Of course I have friends. Let’s see. There’s Sano... Sano... shit.

“Keep up this holier-than-thou attitude of yours, and you won’t for long!” Misao spat at me. Yes, I think I did feel some spittle hit me. And Omasu was grossed out by the smoke! This girl had just spit on me. Misao turned her back on me. “Come on, Omasu. Let’s leave this loser to his lonely life.”

So, they left. I wiped my face, still feeling that spit on my cheek, and glanced at my watch. Five minutes until class started. I wanted another cigarette.

^_^

Dammit! Dammit! DAMMIT!

So who was the one who spent the entire weekend stressed out over something stupid and did not get anywhere near enough sleep while the flu was sweeping through the student body? I could almost see fingers pointing at me. I did not pay them a lot of attention, though. It was hard to think much of anything when I was on the bathroom floor, hoping I did not get sick again.

“Hey, Kenshin!” Sano knocked on the door. “You okay in there?”

What a thing to ask a guy in the bathroom. Sano gave me a sympathetic look as I trudged back to my room, miserable as could be. He wisely left me alone, and I plopped myself down in front of my computer. After quickly emailing my professors for my homework, I fell into bed with the intention of staying there until this bug went away.

Less than an hour later, I was running to the bathroom again. I was just grateful I wasn’t at home. Uncle Hiko had a terrible bedside manner.

^_^

Tuesday was better. I discovered that by avoiding solid foods, I never had to use the restroom for purposes other than the usual. Boredom was not an issue. I spent most of the day in flannel pants and a bulky sweatshirt of Uncle Hiko’s that I had borrowed and never returned. Annoyed with the time I spent in bed, I slept on the futon. It was a cheap thing and not very comfortable, but it seemed better than my bed at the time.

The radio was playing in the background. I only got in one FM station, so I had learned to love eighties music. Half dozing, I hummed along with a song by Queen. Sano thought it was stupid, but I had this stuffed animal that I curled up with at times like this. It was a huge gorilla, as big as my torso. Uglier than sin, that thing, but I had grown attached to it over the years. At the moment, I had my arms around it, using it as a pillow.

Someone knocked on my door. It was probably Sano. He was being nice to me while I was sick. He even checked on me that morning before he went to class.

“Door’s open,” I called, not willing to get up. I buried my face in the stuffed gorilla, muttering along with Bohemian Rhapsody.

A girl giggled.

Choking off the song, I looked up to see blue eyes shining down at me. Kaoru smirked.

“Wait until I tell everyone about this,” she said triumphantly, one hand planted on her hip.

“K-Kaoru!” I sat up quickly. My arm was still hooked around the stuffed animal, and it ended up in my lap. I probably looked pretty silly, my face flushed with fever, hair loose and uncombed around my shoulders, a blanket half around me, my sweatshirt intended for someone three times my size, and a child’s toy in my arms. “What are you doing here?”

She made a face at me.

“Don’t get all jumpy about it, Kenshin,” she grumbled. “We’re in the same writing group, remember? I volunteered to bring you your homework.”

As she spoke, she dug around in her backpack, producing her college planner. She flipped through the pages until she found the proper day. As embarrassing as it was, I reached for a tissue while she was doing this. I hated blowing my nose in front of people. Call me vain, but I felt it to be a rather unpleasant thing to witness. And it was so noisy.

Kaoru barely glanced at me as I honked into the tissue, her eyes flicking to the side briefly as I tossed the used item into the trash. She wrote something onto a piece of scrap paper and put it on my desk.

I never knew if it was the fever or just the guilt getting to me, but I found myself calling her name before she could leave.

“Kaoru?”

She turned to look at me, blinking in confusion.

“Did I forget something?” she wondered. I smiled faintly.

“Yeah,” I replied. “You forgot to take my apology.”

“Huh?” she stared at me as if I had just sprouted flowers from my ears. “Kenshin, are you okay? Are you sure you shouldn’t go to a doctor?”

I chuckled as her cool hand felt my face. The cold made me shudder, but I managed to shake my head and smile again.

“I’ll be okay,” I assured her. “I mean it. I feel terrible about how I treated you last Friday. So, uh... yeah,” I was bad at apologies. I slipped and slopped through them every time. I smiled hopefully. “I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted,” Kaoru said uncertainly, turning to leave again.

“Wait!” I reached out and caught her wrist to stop her. She looked at me in shock. Flushing in embarrassment, I yanked my hand back and just looked at her nervously. “Um... will you stay awhile? Maybe tell me about what we did in creative writing today?”

Okay, so I had gone to great extents to get rid of this girl before, and suddenly I wanted her to stay? I certainly was fickle. But that did not matter. What did matter was the grin on Kaoru’s face and her confident nod.

“Sure, Kenshin,” she agreed. “I’ll stay. But I won’t tell you about class yet. You should be sleeping! What kind of fever are you running? You must be at one-oh-one! If you’re not careful, it could get really dangerous! Lay down. Are you cold?”

It was awkward how she pushed me around, but to be perfectly honest, I did not mind. No one had mothered me like that before, and it was kind of nice. Kaoru convinced me to return to bed, and to my mixed discomfort and amusement she tucked the stuffed gorilla under the covers with me.

I must have dozed off then because the next thing I knew, Kaoru had her hand on my head and shoulder, shaking me awake. Dazed, I blinked to bring her face into focus. The room was pretty dark, and I glanced past her to the window, surprised to see that it was night already. Oh. Well then! I should have been sleeping. I closed my eyes, fully intending to do just that.

“I have to go now, Kenshin,” Kaoru said quietly. “Will you be okay alone here tonight?”

I muttered something rather incoherent, not happy about being awake. Kaoru shook me again, and I reluctantly opened my eyes. She had this worried expression on her face, and I could not, for the life of me, figure out why she would look like that.

“What’s wrong?” Well, that was what I had intended to say. To my ears, it sounded more like, “Wha-ssera?”

I did not wait to hear her answer. Sleep seemed much more appealing. That hand in my hair felt so nice, and I was so cozy under all my blankets. To the darkness I went, drifting away from even those slight tactile pleasures.

That night I dreamed. They started out rather unpleasant, actually...

The smoke clouded the air, filling the room and my eyes and lungs. There were strange people around me. I didn’t know them. Someone offered me a glass, and I took it...

The glass was gone, and I was in a dark hallway. There was a stranger there. He said something. It startled me, and suddenly I was afraid. I turned to run, but there he was again, pushing me back and laughing. He pointed at a door. Something bad would happen in that room. So I refused, pushing past him.

Then, that stranger was my whole world. Dark eyes inches away. A hand around my wrist. An arm around my waist. I didn’t want him touching me. He wanted to hurt me. But he was pulling me to that door, and I could not get free.

Terror.

What did he want?!

Please... stop it!

He was a bad man and he wanted to hurt me and why wasn’t anyone coming to help me I was all alone and scared and screaming and oh god I had to get away--

“Shhhhh...” Someone was holding me, cradling me and rocking me while I cried. “It’s okay. You’re safe now.”

And I was. I was warm and secure. That person was someone who could be trusted. Those arms would hold out all danger. I curled up in that bubble of safety and never wanted to leave.

I looked up into warm, caring blue eyes. They smiled at me and told me to go back to sleep. I said, “okay,” and closed my eyes again. This time, the black was pure...

^_^

Someone shook me awake the next morning, and it was not so hard to open my eyes this time. I stared at Kaoru uncertainly, wondering why she had come into my room without first knocking.

“I’ve got to get ready for class, Kenshin,” she told me. I was confused. She looked like she was ready, even if those clothes were remarkably similar to the ones she had been wearing the previous day. “But I’ll come check on you this afternoon, okay?”

“You’re already... ready for class,” I mumbled. Yes, it bothered me to the point that I had to inquire about it. Maybe she had caught the flu as well and was delirious.

She smiled.

“Don’t you remember? I stayed here last night,” she said, as if that was the most obvious thing. It wasn’t! My mind did not quite comprehend those words.

“You did?”

“I was worried that your fever was getting worse, so I slept on your futon last night,” she felt my forehead while she said this. “You’re sweaty now, but not so warm. You should get washed up. If you feel strong enough, change the sheets on your bed, but if not, then get a clean blanket and sit on the futon for awhile. I’ll check on you this afternoon, okay? Just you rest. Drink a lot of water.”

Then, she was gone. The room felt lonely without anyone else in it. A shower seemed to be in order. Throwing back the sheets, slightly damp with sweat, I climbed out of bed.

^_^