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My Life: Chapter 9 - Ice Skates and Invitations

by Fitz

“I love winter!”

Kaoru told me this one cloudy December morning as we walked across the Washington Avenue bridge after class. She, of course, loved the lightly falling snow and insisted upon walking outside. I bit back my aversion and walked with her, all the while envying those people inside the enclosure that ran the length of the bridge. Not only was it not snowing or windy in there, but it was marginally warmer.

“The snow is so pretty,” Kaoru held out her hand, warm in a bright red mitten and smiled as the snowflakes collected in the wool. “And the river looks so cool when it’s frozen over.”

“Cold is more like it,” I glanced over the rail at the Mississippi River, white and choppy looking below us. I was not at all fooled by that rigid surface. That ice was very thin--not at all safe to walk across. It would take another week of intense cold to accomplish that. Considering the weather forecast, that could happen.

“Don’t you like the snow?” Kaoru teased.

“Not really,” I shrugged. Not at all, actually, but I did not say that. I still did not understand how Sano had convinced me to go skiing with him. He even pushed me down a couple hills before I retreated to the safety of the lodge.

“I love to go ice-skating when I can,” Kaoru said, not at all put out by my surly attitude toward winter. “You want to go with me sometime, Kenshin? It would be fun!”

“I don’t know how to skate,” I admitted, hoping it would get me out of such an activity. No such luck.

“Oh, it’s easy!” she looked at me with a grin, then giggled at my skeptical expression. “Saturday afternoon? There’s a rink somewhere on campus that has open hours.”

And that was how I ended up spending my afternoon that weekend. Most of the time I was on my butt on the ice or clinging desperately to something to keep from that fate. Kaoru laughed merrily when she dragged me out into the middle of the skating rink. Horribly off-balance, I hung on her arm like it was my last thread of sanity. If I fell anymore, it could have been.

“Looking good, Kenshin!”

Sano came along as well. He whipped across the smooth, white surface like a professional, his feet moving naturally beneath him. Just watching him made me dizzy, and I wobbled and pitched back. Kaoru did not resist the move, bending with me as I crashed down. Somehow, she stayed on her feet while I sat, rubbing my side tenderly. She laughed so hard she snorted, and I squinted at her in discontent.

“Ow,” I informed her.

Kaoru, still giggling, grabbed my hands and helped me up.

^_^

Sore and cold, I walked next to Kaoru and Sano away from the rink. It was just after four and growing near to dusk. Kaoru’s dormitory was on the east bank, and we were going to drop her off before Sano and I headed back to the west bank.(1) Before that, though, we were going to stop at Bruegger’s Bagels for some early dinner. Two weeks after having started on medication, my appetite was back to normal, and I was just as anxious to eat something as Kaoru and Sano.

“Misao told me you were going to Pennsylvania with your girlfriend, Sanosuke,” Kaoru said, making small talk as we walked along Washington. “Things must be pretty serious between you two if you’re going to meet the parents.”

“I hope so,” Sano grinned. “I’ve never met anyone like her.”

Megumi was the most intimidating woman I had ever met. I could not understand what Sano saw in her. Sure, she was nice enough, but I felt I was constantly walking on eggshells when she was around. I never knew when she was going to say something sharp.

“And what about Kenshin?” Kaoru asked with a grin, reaching up to brush some of the accumulating snow out of my hair. It had been snowing all week, and the collection on the ground was almost to my hip. “What are you doing this year?”

“Probably the same thing I did last year,” I shook my head, not looking forward to that at all. I even had that same job lined up--the manager had nearly jumped me when I went in there asking if she needed help again that holiday.

“Sounds real exciting, Kenshin,” Sano rolled his eyes and leaned down as if to share a secret with Kaoru. He spoke loud enough for the people across the street to hear. “He spent all of last Christmas break hiding from his uncle and working shitty hours at the Gap.”

“I was not hiding,” I said hotly, grateful that my face was already pink with the cold, or they would have noticed my blush. I pushed the button for the cross signal and glared at the ground.

“What about you, Kaoru?” Sano wondered. “Misao mentioned that your family lives around here.”

Kaoru’s family lived in a house in Sunfish Lake. Very well-to-do. It was practically a gated community. Inherited wealth allowed them to put their daughter through school while her mother’s job paid for the house and her father’s dojo barely made enough money to cover the expenses required to keep the business running. While martial arts were well-known, it was not frequently practiced here in the Midwest.

“You know, Kenshin,” Kaoru looked at me as the traffic light turned. My eyes were drawn to the car approaching the red light. It was not slowing down. Kaoru did not seem to notice, and she moved forward, still talking. “You’re always welcome at my house. I could show you our dojo, too.”

The car stopped. That is, its wheels stopped. The car kept moving... right through the intersection.

“No!”

Kaoru looked at me in shock. The shock turned to disbelief when I grabbed the collar of her winter jacket and yanked her back hard. She shrieked and stumbled into me, nearly knocking me off balance in the process. I held tight, scooting back away from the road as that car fishtailed and passed us. The tires caught, and the car finally stopped, a few yards away from the light. Kaoru, Sano, and I stared after it, wide-eyed and frightened, and the driver slowly started the car moving again, no doubt as shaken as we were.

Kaoru let out a trembling sigh.

“That was close,” she said with a nervous giggle.

“Another reason to hate winter,” I muttered. “Let’s go.”

Sano and Kaoru looked at me, incredulity on their faces.

“Kaoru almost got hit by a car!” Sano blurted.

“But she didn’t,” I told them, perfectly reasonable. “And we can’t stand here forever.”

Those two looked at me like I was out of my mind. Eventually, though, they saw the sense behind my suggestion, and we made sure all vehicles were at a complete stop before we crossed the street.

^_^

An hour later, Sano and I bid Kaoru good night. We parted in the lobby, Kaoru heading to her room, Sano and I back to the freezing abyss, er... outside.

“Oh! Kenshin?”

Sano muttered something about waiting under the heater, and I glanced back to see Kaoru smiling hesitantly at me. I wondered what that smile was for.

“You never did say...” she murmured. “If you wanted to come visit me over Christmas.”

My eyebrows shot up. I had forgotten about that completely. Probably for good reason. My heart rate leapt into double time, and suddenly I was stuttering.

“Um... I have a job... a temp. thing--” I stammered.

“Surely you don’t work all the time,” Kaoru’s eyebrows crunched together, her lip poking out into a pout. Oh, shoot. Why do girls do that?

“No-- I mean... what I meant to say is...” I don’t want to... Not exactly something I could tell her. I choked off the horribly incoherent sentence and took a deep breath. With a tight smile, I said, “I can’t.”

“Oh,” Kaoru blinked at me in surprise. “Uh... okay. That’s too bad.” She was blushing, and I felt bad for embarrassing her. It had not been my intention. “I guess I’ll see you in class Monday.”

“Yeah,” I replied lamely. “I’ll see you then.”

“Good night, Kenshin.”

I nodded and turned. It felt like something was burning into my back as I left, but it was just Kaoru’s stare.

Sano was waiting in the entrance, beneath the hot blast of air they always have going during the winter. He held open the door, and we stepped out into the cold. We jogged all the way back to our dorm, over a mile away.

^_^

Finals were a pain, as always. I fumbled through my World Government exam, turned in my final English essay, and breezed through the other tests. Then, it was time to go home for winter break. No, not Christmas break. That was not politically correct, after all. How many people were politically correct anyway? I was not a practicing Christian, and I didn’t care about what the break was called. It was a time when we did not have to go to class. That was all most students cared about.

It was like the year before. I went to Uncle Hiko’s house, dropped my laundry in the closet, changed into my work clothes, and shot right back out again. Anything was better than staying at home with that man--even enduring the torment of offering my opinion to a sixty-year-old woman wearing a size four skirt when she belonged in a size twelve and looked like she had not shaved in a month. Those were the times when a person had to just smile and nod and bite back the urge to hand the woman a muumuu. I was astounded at how many women would not admit their true size.

“You going to put up a tree this year?” Uncle Hiko asked me one night over some tuna casserole. We had a lot of casserole at his house. It was about all he could manage. All he had to do was throw some various ingredients in a bowl, mix it up, and put it in the oven for twenty minutes. Never mind that I hated tuna.

“Am I going to put up a tree this year?” I looked at him skeptically. “Do you care?”

“You used to like it,” he grunted.

“Tomoe liked it,” I reminded him. I looked down at the laminate of the tabletop. It was dinged up and old looking. He’d had it for as long as I could remember. “I... just liked to help her...”

“Let me know before Christmas Eve,” he said sourly. I didn’t want to look at him, scowling at me in disapproval like he always did, so I kept my eyes on the table. If the food had been overly appetizing, I would have looked at that instead. The table was the lesser of two evils. “I don’t want to drive around before the holiday searching for a tree.”

“Sure, Uncle Hiko,” I mumbled, poking at the noodles in my dish. It was squishy and gross. I was supposed to put it in my mouth. Right.

I stood and picked up my dish to take it to the sink.

“I’ll clean up tonight,” I announced. Uncle Hiko did not object. I knew he wouldn’t. He hated cleaning up. If it had not meant he would have lived in squalor, I think he would have just left everything where it was when he finished.

“Someone called while you were at work,” he said abruptly.

“Who?” I used to berate him for waiting so long to give me such messages. After about ten years of this bringing no results, I stopped trying. I figured I was lucky if he wrote down a phone number let alone a name.

“It’s on the fridge,” he waved to the kitchen, then picked up his ginger ale and walked out of the room.

Oddly, Uncle Hiko used to be a heavy drinker. He never got raging drunk. In fact, he always seemed perfectly coherent no matter what the amount of alcohol he ingested. My junior year in high school he stopped storing it in the house, then quit drinking altogether. I thought it had more to do with the fear I would find it than any concern for the condition of his own liver.

I blinked at the Post-it note, then smirked. It read: Cowrue 454-2836. Oh, the joys of phonetic spelling. I picked up the phone.

It rang twice before a friendly man answered.

“Kamiya dojo! How may I help you?” Well... what was I supposed to say?

“Um... I’m calling for Kaoru?” I asked hopefully.

“May I tell her who’s calling?” the guy was horrifically cheerful.

“Uh, yeah,” I stammered. “Kenshin... She called me...” I smacked my hand to my forehead, cursing myself for being the moron. Like I had to explain myself to some strange guy on the phone!

“Hold on, just a moment please,” the man said brightly. I frowned when the line clicked. Much to my surprise, music filtered through. It was holiday music. Mannheim Steamroller’s Joy to the World to be exact. The guy had put me on hold--like I was calling an office or something.

Kaoru answered just as Bing Crosby started singing the refrain for White Christmas.

“Hi, Kenshin!” she greeted. “How are you? How was work?”

“I’m fine,” I had to smile. It was nice to talk to someone other than a surly customer, or uncle for that matter. “Work was... work.”

She laughed.

“Are you working this weekend?” she wondered.

“A few morning hours.”

“Misao’s going Christmas shopping with me on Saturday,” Kaoru explained her reason for calling. “Would you like to go out for dinner and a movie with us when you get off? We could go see the new Harry Potter film.”

“Harry Potter?” Oh dear lord. Save me.

“Or something else,” she said with a giggle. Apparently my distaste was clear in my words. “Lord of the Rings?”

“That’s workable,” I agreed, immensely relieved.

“I thought Maid in Manhattan looked cute,” she teased.

“You’re just making fun of me now,” I shot back. “I can handle chick flicks. Just bring me a pillow, and I’ll be fine.”

“You’re terrible!” Kaoru groaned. “All right. When do you get off?”

“Hmmm...” I stalled as I looked at the calendar. “Two.”

“Perfect!” she replied. “We’ll go to lunch first and the four o’clock showing. I don’t like the movie theater in the mall, so we’ll go to the one near my place. But we can eat by the mall. Isn’t there a TGI Friday’s across the street?”

Just the mention of that place made me feel sick. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I had to fumble through the cupboards for a glass. I turned on the tap and shut the cupboard as the water hissed into the sink.

“Yoohoo, Kenshin!” Kaoru giggled nervously. “You there?”

“Just a sec.” My mouth was much too dry to speak properly. I swallowed three-quarters of the water in the glass and breathed a shaky sigh. “I don’t eat there.”

“TGI--”

“No,” I said quickly. I didn’t want to even hear it. “Somewhere else. Anyplace.” Wouldn’t it have been a kick in the butt if she had suggested Burger King?

“Okaaaaay,” Kaoru sounded like she wanted to question it. I prayed that she wouldn’t. She didn’t. “How about Tucci Bennuch? It’s right in the mall. You like Italian?”

“That’s great,” I murmured. “I’ll meet you there just after two.”

“You sound like you’re going to say you have to go now,” she said.

“Yeah,” I downed the rest of my water. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

“Good night, Kenshin.”

“‘Night,” I grumbled, then hung up. I hated when it started hurting like it did right then. It just sat in my chest, this painful pressure that made my nose itch and my eyes burn. My throat closed up so that I could barely breathe.

The sound of a glass shattering against the tiles reached my ears before I saw it hit the wall. It was not until I heard Uncle Hiko cursing in the next room that I realized I was the one who had thrown the glass. I was shaking and angry, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Fuck it,” I whispered.

“Get out of the kitchen, idiot,” Uncle Hiko scolded, but his words lacked his usual conviction. “I’ll clean it up.”

“I don’t want a tree,” I said at the floor. He could hear me just fine.

“We won’t get a tree,” he agreed. “Go work it off in the basement for awhile.”

I glanced at Uncle Hiko, then nodded and cut across the room to the basement steps. He had a punching bag down there and some padded mats like at the gym. I stored my karate uniform down there for occasions like this. I put it on and tied the belt around my waist. I was almost to the brown belt in karate--better in judo. If I practiced more, I could have done well in competitions. As it was, I had not taken lessons in over a year, and I was rusty.

Two hours of intense exercise left me exhausted. I fell on the couch by the wall. Pulling an afghan over me, I fell asleep and spent the night there. While it was not the most restful of nights, I was grateful for the distinct lack of dreams. Sometimes during these episodes I had nightmares--bad ones that sent me running to puke my guts out in the bathroom--but this time I didn’t.

I was irritable all day at work that Friday. Then, I called up Kaoru again.

^_^

“Hello?” Kaoru picked up that time. Probably because I wasn’t calling during business hours.

“Does your offer still stand?” I asked, forgetting to tell her who was calling.

“Kenshin?” Kaoru asked blankly, then added. “You want to come over for Christmas?”

“Only if it’s okay with you and your family,” I said quickly. I did not want to pressure her. After all, I had shoved the invitation back into her face before. “If you want to come here, that’s fine too. But, well... Uncle Hiko and I don’t do a lot. We don’t really get along... Or...” I was babbling. I finished, a bit sheepish and barely speaking loud enough for her to hear me. “Or if you’re too busy... I can do something else.”

“No!” Kaoru’s sudden exclamation made me blink. “No, Kenshin, I’d love for you to come.”

I intended to buy her something really nice. Well, as nice as one could get for under twenty dollars. Admittedly, I was using Kaoru as something of a distraction. If Sano had been home, rather than off in Pennsylvania somewhere, I probably would have called him first.

“Kenshin! You home?!” Uncle Hiko’s voice bellowed through the house. I sighed.

“Can you hold on a sec, Kaoru?” I asked, then covered the mouthpiece of the phone as she answered with, “Sure, Ken--” And I missed the rest because I was shouting into the house in response to my uncle.

“What is it?!”

“Stop shouting. I’m right here,” he grumbled, appearing in the kitchen doorway. “Just got word from your aunt.”

“Aunt Tokio?” I blinked dumbly. My father’s sister, Aunt Tokio. I rarely saw her, but when I did, it was always an interesting experience. My high school graduation gift from her had been a trip to London. No one trusted me alone, of course, so she accompanied me. Then, she took me on a tour of ‘the darker side’ of London. That is, all the dark haunts, the places where Jack the Ripper took his victims--places like that. That place was just full of cheerful memories. It was kind of cool.

“She’s going to visit her fiancé’s family this holiday,” Uncle Hiko explained. “Your cousin is coming to visit.”

My stomach sank. I stared at Uncle Hiko, who just looked back at me with this horrible, grim expression on his face. I lifted my hand from the mouthpiece.

“Kaoru, I’ve got to call you back,” I said mechanically.

“Sure, Kenshin... is everything okay?”

“I’ll let you know when I call back,” I smiled faintly, then muttered a quick, “Bye,” and hung up the phone. I turned back to my uncle.

“I agreed to allow him over here, but I want you to stay away from him,” Uncle Hiko said sternly. “He is a bad influence.”

Like I did not know that. I had not seen the guy for three years. Before that, I saw him fairly frequently. He was a bad influence, as Uncle Hiko had said. It was my cousin who had first handed me a cigarette. Then, it was marijuana and alcohol. After that, I didn’t recall. Awareness of my surroundings was not a top priority. Ironically, it was that same cousin who took me to the party that ended my addictions.

“How am I supposed to do that?” I demanded. “I can only work so many hours, and this house is not a big one.”

“I’ll think of something,” he shrugged. “Who was that you were talking to?”

“Kaoru,” I admitted grudgingly. What business of his was that? It irritated me that he asked. I knew he wanted me to elaborate, but I was going to make him ask again to hear it. It was always better not to volunteer information. That attitude made people think I was secretive, but it was really just safer that way.

“Aren’t you going out with her tomorrow?”

“That was the plan.”

“Then... just last minute preparations?” He was trying to find out what the conversation had been about without actually saying so. It wasn’t a bad attempt, but it would not work for him.

“Not really.”

He sighed. I was making him frustrated. Good.

“What did she have to say, then?”

Triumph. It was not often that I got him annoyed so quickly.

“She invited me to spend Christmas with her family,” I said finally.

“And? Are you going?” Uncle Hiko growled.

“Do you have any better suggestions?” I smiled at him. I think it just made the guy more agitated than he already was.

“That’s fine,” he snapped. “Go to your friends. I’ll watch Tokio’s brat.”

‘Tokio’s brat’ was like Sano and Yahiko--adopted. Aunt Tokio had adopted him when he was thirteen. That was the problem, right there. His habits and social contacts were already established. Good luck changing a kid who spent ten years in various foster homes--getting verbally and physically abused--and had drowned it all in money and drugs. Aunt Tokio had tried to help him, but all she did was help him learn how to better hide his habits. The ass. The guy was sneaky, cold, and violent. I was terrified of him.

“I’ve got to call Kaoru back, Uncle Hiko,” I said when he failed to leave.

“Hn,” he grunted and left the room. Thank god. I picked up the phone.

“Kenshin?” Kaoru answered off the first ring. She was anticipating the call. Wow. Didn’t that just make a guy feel special?

“Kaoru, I’ve got a little problem.”

^_^

“So you can’t stand your cousin,” Kaoru commented as we climbed into her car. The afternoon had been fun. We ate Italian and went to Lord of the Rings. Misao took off, saying she had to be home by eight for some reason or other. We parted in the parking lot of the theater, wishing each other a happy holiday and going to our separate vehicles.

I was grateful Kaoru had waited until Misao was gone to bring up that topic. Misao would have jumped on the subject and badgered me until I gave up all the details. It was tough to talk about without having some enthusiastic girl drilling me for information.

“He’s an ass,” I said frankly.

“What’d he do?” Kaoru asked, then added, “And what’s his name? Did you already tell me?”

“No, I didn’t tell you,” I smiled. “And it’s Enishi.”

“What’d he do that you don’t like him?” she asked again.

“Uh...” Okay, this was the moment I had been nervous about. What was I supposed to tell her? “He’s a bit of the troubled child.”

“Temper problems?”

“Kind of...” I sighed. “He’s a drug dealer.”

“He’s a what?!” her hand froze over the radio dial.

“Well, he called it something else,” I grumbled. “I didn’t really care what the title was when he told me.”

“He--he... he just told you?” Kaoru looked at me as if I had just spouted some incredible lie, like I was pregnant or something. Come to think of it... I wondered what she would do if I said that-- “Didn’t he think you’d turn him in?”

My bemused thoughts scattered at that question, and I laughed. Kaoru looked at me funny. I probably sounded as uneasy as I felt.

“No, he knew I wouldn’t turn him in,” I looked at my hands, folded in my lap. “Because, ah... because I would have had to turn myself in as well.”

Her jaw dropped. Honest to god, her mouth just fell open. I never thought a person would actually do that without prior thought to the action. Her face went slack, a little fear filtering into her gaze.

Whoa! I knew where that was leading. She thought--

“Nononono!” I said quickly. “I didn’t sell anything like he did. I just bought from him.” Well. That sounded really bad. Kaoru’s eyes were huge. I looked away from her again. “After my sister died, I was a little depressed,” I explained quietly. “He said he could help me with that, and I believed him.”

“You do drugs?!” Kaoru gasped.

“Not anymore,” I frowned. “I haven’t touched... well, there was that one cigarette last fall, but other than that, I haven’t touched anything since I was seventeen.”

“Why’d you stop?” she asked, sounding as anxious as I felt.

“Police raid, and I got caught,” I shrugged as if I didn’t care. Well, I did. That night had been hell. “I spent a month in a rehab center.”

“What was that like?” she breathed. Oh, of all the questions--!

I frowned at her, not at all pleased with that question. What did she think it was like? It certainly was not all sunshine and roses.

“Counseling sessions--group and solo--and a lot of time spent throwing up,” I told her finally. “Not exactly the spa.”

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I shouldn’t have asked.”

I didn’t say anything. After all, I agreed with her.

“So, um... this Enishi still doing all that?” she asked nervously.

“I haven’t seen him since that raid,” I shook my head. “I don’t know.”

“Didn’t he get caught?” Kaoru seemed puzzled by this.

“No.” Of course not. In fact, had it been like any normal night, neither would I have been caught. The circumstances of that particular party had been such that I was... unable to react to the situation. Upset and frightened, I had just waited for the police to come get me. I still remembered the way that room smelled--like stale smoke, sex, blood, and vomit. The blood was from the guy I’d hit with a lamp. The rest... I had no idea.

“Kenshin?” Kaoru touched my arm, and I jumped, jerking away even as I turned to look at her. She looked worried. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing,” I smiled, just relieved to have it out and be done with it. “I just... don’t like talking about that. It was not a good time in my life. I’d rather forget it ever happened.”

“You just got really pale,” she murmured.

Ah. Thoughts of that last night still made me sick.

“So now you’re worried that Enishi will try to force this on you again?” she predicted.

“No forcing about it,” I said, a little shaky at the prospect. “All he’d have to do is offer it. I don’t know if I could refuse.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re coming to stay with me for the next week,” Kaoru smiled then, and it was over. I would not have to talk about this with her ever again. Hopefully. “Let’s go home.”

“Sounds great,” I smiled, then laughed shakily. My whole body trembled and felt weak. “Think we could stop at a gas station or something? I need some sugar.”

“You’re not hypoglycemic, are you?” she blinked at me.

“Just a craving,” I lied. I didn’t really want to explain how much that conversation had taken out of me. And there was a bit of a craving. Those chocolate covered cupcakes... yeah, with the white, sugary filling. That was what I wanted. “There’s an SA right up the hill.”

“I could go for some chips myself,” she grinned at me, then blinked. “Oh, and Kenshin?”

“Hm?” I looked at her. I wondered how a girl like her could be so understanding about what I had done. Unlike many, she actually listened and heard the explanation before making any final judgments.

“I ought to warn you,” she smiled slyly. “My family gets a little wacky around the holidays.”

“...Wacky?”

^_^