Genre

Rating

Spoiler Level

Tears of the Silent Dragon

by Hikari Hrair-rah ::: 05.Dec.2003

Two simple little words.

Hitokiri Battousai.

The name of fear, shadow.

A name of a invincible warrior whose very presence guarantees victory.

It is a name used to conjure demons.

Yes, that’s something anyone will agree with - Hitokiri Battousai was, is, and forever shall be a creature of nightmares, demons, and especially death.

Therefore it should be very obvious that…

I HATE my name.

I never asked for this way of life.

I never asked to kill anyone.

And though it may surprise you, I take just as much responsibility and guilt for those deaths as that simple-minded Rurouni you all cherish.

You’re surprised.

I can tell.

You never expected that from me.

But…you don’t know me.

So what gives you the right to judge!

Maybe I’m not a true part of this man…that I’m just the ‘Hitokiri’s Heart’ hidden within the true heart and soul of a pacifist.

Does that make me not real?

Does that mean I’m not allowed to be real?

I wasn’t considered a monster lurking within someone’s mind ten years ago.

I wasn’t a part of Himura Kenshin.

I WAS Himura Kenshin.

So why am I not now?

Even that simple man, the silly foolish man you all adore, seems convinced that I am not a part of the person called Himura Kenshin.

I was Himura Kenshin.

I still AM Himura Kenshin.

But another man with the very same face and the very same name denies my very existence, even to my face.

Even during the duel with Ji’nei…

Ji’nei Udou, the mad Hitokiri, the rabid wolf of Mibu.

He demanded to fight me.

Me.

Not the Rurouni.

And even when Kaoru was suffocating, the IDIOT refused to let me loose.

He thought I was going to kill Ji’nei, and then kill him.

Pretty interesting, considering the man who took an oath never to kill anyone has been trying to kill ME for the last ten years.

I did come free, but it was only for three minutes.

Out of the five Kaoru had left, he had to waste two of them keeping me back.

I didn’t actually need five whole minutes to kill Ji’nei, but wasting time was never something I enjoyed.

And then, when Kaoru freed herself from the Shino Ippo, I retreated from control gracefully.

…As gracefully as I could with the baka nipping at my heels…

I got back at him, when Saitou showed up.

Good old Saitou Hajime.

A master of an opponent, cunning as well as…well, a wolf, as you would expect.

It was slightly easier to gain control this time.

The Rurouni was confused, not sure of his surroundings from blood loss.

And then, when the fight ended and Okubo showed up, I found I was still in control.

So, was I real then?

Apparently, I was only real for Hajime.

Once the bastard left, I had about two seconds before the Rurouni seized control of our left hand and punched ourself in the face to shake me loose.

And then, the very last time…Shishou.

In learning Amakeru Ryu No Hirameki, there was a very good chance Shishou would kill us with his Kuzuryusen.

I have no idea how it happened that time, actually…the Rurouni was in Battou-jitsu stance, but when he had to decide if he could perform Battou-jitsu beyond our god-like speed with a sakabatou…

Apparently, my personal proficiency with Battou-jitsu - hence the name Battousai - pulled me to the front.

I didn’t stay long.

After the way Shishou looked at me…

There was actual fear in his gaze.

But it was mostly shadowed by his realization of why we had never returned.

And his pity.

Shishou’s pity was the last thing I ever wanted to see or feel.

After that single moment, even if the Rurouni hadn’t figured out the secret of the ougi, it wouldn’t have made a bit of difference.

//If you remain as you are now, you’ll be tortured, consumed by loneliness. And you’ll kill again.//

No, he wouldn’t have…

//So, instead of teaching you the final secret, ending your life will be my very last duty as your master.//

…because I was never going to show my face to the world again.

And then the Rurouni almost killed Shishou.

And then almost killed himself trying to not quite kill Shishio Makoto.

So what if he found the will to live?

Is that why he is real…

…And I am not?

Is it?