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The Day Kenshin Ran Out of Soap

by hitokiri oro-chan ::: 09.Mar.2004

It was a beautiful, sunny morning at the Kamiya Dojo, the birds were singing, trees were growing, and our lovely little ex-hitokiri was happily humming away as he did the laundry in the garden.

‘Hello my wild little friends.’ He said, chuckling happily as he scrubbed away, talking to the two wild birds and the one squirrel that had landed on his shoulders and wash basin he was sitting at. ‘Would you like to help de gozaru ka?’ The two birds cheeped happily before diving into the tub to grab a sheet in their beaks, the squirrel pounding it clean with his long bushy tail.

‘Oro?’ squeaked our happy rurouni in sudden dismay. ‘I’m all out of soap, please stay here while I get some more.’ He told the wild creatures, bowing politely before floating gracefully away, beautiful summer flowers growing wherever he had placed his feet.

He walked happily into the kitchen where he kept the spare soap, only to find that it was all gone. ‘Orooo?’ he said unhappily. Now what am I going to do? He thought to himself, a look of concentration crossing his face and causing all of the many females who were just happening to be glancing through the kitchen window at the time, (they’d hiked for days and set up a shanty town in the forest clearing near the dojo) to faint with sudden nose bleeds.

‘Oro?’ he said once more. (Well at least he’s consistent)

Well I’ll just have to go and get some more that I will, he thought happily. With an angelic smile that made sunbeams and baby ducklings look like Kaoru’s rice balls and remind people of tacky analogies.

He grabbed his basket and skipped merrily off towards town, when who should he meet on the way but…

‘Hello Saitoh, it’s a lovely morning isn’t it?’ he said waving cheerily at the tall policeman.

‘Mmmff.’ Was the charming response, closely followed by a cloud of smoke.

‘Cough, cough.’ Said Kenshin causing all the towns people nearby to rush forwards with words of comfort and cold compresses to help with his discomfort.

‘Smoking is bad for you that it is.’ Kenshin informed him waving the smoke away.

‘Actually Battousai, that’s a fairly recent discovery, and going by the fact that the story line in which I live is based around 140 years ago and the other considerably more important fact that I consist almost entirely of ink, I think its fairly safe to say I’ve got nothing to worry about.’ He took another deep drag.

Kenshin stared at him in confusion causing the sun to be thrown behind a turbulent mass of broiling, black clouds.

‘Umamm… I mean….ahou.’ He finished brilliantly, before turning around to trample purposefully on the tail of a mother cat and putting out his cigarette in a pie cooling on a windowsill.

What a lovely man. Thought kenshin happily following Saitoh’s path of destruction with trusting eyes, the skies once again cleared as he continued merrily on his way in the journey for soap.

He skipped along for a few more moments before realising he’d forgotten his money.

‘Oro?’ he said once more becoming slightly irritated, he quickly perked up once more as he remembered to think about all the unfortunate rich people in the world who weren’t lucky enough to be able to do their own laundry, he sighed to himself happily, life was wonderful when you were Himura Kenshin. And he continued happily on his way planning on adding the soap to his tab.

He reached the shop in question only to find that they too were out of soap, and as they were the only soap store in Tokyo kenshin had no choice but to go home. He walked home sadly dragging his empty basket behind him, the grass wilting underneath his feet.

He walked through the dojo gate and towards the laundry basket to tell his furry friends the bad news.

‘ORO???’ he squeaked, taking in the sight before him.

His furry friends had apparently gone rabid in his absence and had decided to spread the love by chewing holes in all the clothes and his washbasin (furry bastards!) before running though the house. (When I say running though the house I mean THOUGH the house. As in they went crashing through all the walls and paper screen doors without opening them.)

Kenshin took in the squirrel shaped holes in the shouji and new improved version of Kaoru-dono’s favourite kimono, before snatching up his sakabatou and dashing into the nearby forest where the squirrel lived to go hunting.

As he knew the squirrel mainly lived in the centre of the forest he sped though using his godlike speed to catch up with the furry assailant. He completely disregarded what appeared to be an improvised shanty town, (mentioned in first part of the story ^.^) and also the fact that his fast trek through the said shanty town caused mass female nose bleeds and contagious swooning.

He stalked through the trees with all the silence of a shadow, keeping a close eye out for his squirrel ‘friend’, he found him at last, being able to tell him apart from the rest of his brethren by the bright yellow piece of material stuck between his teeth, which Kenshin had no doubt was off Yahiko’s gi.

Kenshin pounced at the squirrel with his god like speed, catching it by the tail, his amber eyes promising death as he watched it dangling in mid air. Black rain clouds once again gathering overhead, and wildlife was running in all directions.

‘You picked the wrong day to mess with me, that you did.’ He told it narrowing his eyes further. ‘You should NEVER pick a fight with me on a day I can’t do laundry.’

He raised his sword arm to deliver the final blow before seeing something white behind the squirrel, his eyes widened and returned to purple, the ominous rain clouds overhead vanishing into the distance. He dropped the squirrel and picked up the white bar happily, his smile once again casting shame on fluffy white clouds and puppies everywhere.

‘Naughty squirrel.’ he said good naturedly shaking one finger at the terrified creature that was huddled, shaking in the bushes looking as though it was about to wet itself in terror. ‘You should have told me you knew where some soap was.’ And clutching his precious white soap to his chest he skipped happily off to finish his laundry, once again making beautiful summer flowers bloom in his wake, very happy to see that in his absence the laundry had placed itself back together again and the tub refilled with water for his convenience.

He sighed looking up at the beautiful clear sky with the perfect sunbeams that were washing over his face, really he thought, life is good for Himura Kenshin.