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The Courtship of Lady Tokio

by Misaki Toyodome

Chapter 8 - Letters

14th December 1863 –

Saitou-sama,

I hope this letter finds you well. Not content to torment you (as you would say) only while I'm in Kyoto, I am writing to you from Aizu Headquarters in Edo.

This year has been extremely eventful, both for myself and for the whole of Japan. It is strange to think that just a year ago, no one would have imagined that such a group like the Shinsengumi would exist. Please, allow me to formally extend my heartfelt congratulations to you all. Tales of the Shinsengumi have been reaching Edo, and are spreading. Unlike some of the citizens of Kyoto, the people here are impressed with your activities, and seem to empathise with the fact that although most of the members are not from high ranking samurai families, that your deeds have placed you above many who are. I derive an indulgent satisfaction when people question me as to whether Kondou-sensei has really been granted an audience with our Lord Matsudaira. They are surprised to hear that they have met several times, and have discussed a number of important issues. They find it hard to believe that someone from his background could ever have made it so far. The young people have adopted him as their role model, as much for his vision and ambition as for the strength of his sword, which is famous even all the way over here. I tell them that it is an honour that Aizu has such men in its service. (I may indulge in a little self satisfaction, for as you are aware, I have been doing my part in ensuring that accurate information and news of the Shinsengumi be communicated to our people here.)

My father was interested to hear news of you especially. He informs me that should you wish to return to Edo, it would no longer be a problem. That matter has been settled, and while the family still maintain that you “acted with unforgivable disrespect”, they have ceased to insist that you reclaim your honour with your life. I hope that you won't mind that I have decided not to enlighten my father about our night time trysts. (Oh, it makes me smile to imagine you frown at that word.) As you warned me, it might seem a trifle forward of me to have been walking alone in the company of an unrelated man. There are justsome things that convention cannot allow.

Still, just because I do not talk about it does not mean I do no think about it. I hope that you believe me when I say that I am grateful beyond words for the kindness and consideration you have shown me (despite the fact that you would balk at my describing you as kind or considerate). I understand that I put you to a lot of unnecessary inconvenience. Thank you for granting me that little piece of freedom. I will not forget my debt to you as long as I draw breath. I find myself thinking fondly of those nights. And although you might disagree, they were a moment of heart's ease for me, a respite from the turmoil that I had to bear during the day. Strange as it is that I would find it in your company, it is true nonetheless. Or perhaps it is not that strange: you are a good man, as I have said before.

Please, take care of yourself, as I would be saddened if you were not.

All my best wishes,

Takagi Tokio.

1st January 1864

Saitou-sama,

Greetings, and salutations for the New Year. And my best regards to you on the anniversary of your birth. I hope that this twentieth year of your life will be the most fulfilling and rewarding time you have experienced yet.

Celebrations in Edo are marvellous – the words escape me to describe the entertainment and shows and the stalls that are everywhere. As for the formal ceremonies at Edo Castle, it has been a while since I witnessed a formal procession of the court – all the showing off and sycophancy and political jostling made my head spin, and that was just among the women.

It makes me long for Kyoto, where I was out of the reach of the busybody older women who disapprove of my habits and routines. I am sure it is beautiful now and that the New Year celebrations were as wonderful as they are here. How I would have loved to go for Hatsumoude at the Fushimi Inari Shrine. Is it snowing? It has snowed here three times – and I am sure that it will be at least late spring before the mountain passes are cleared for travel. Which is a shame as I am looking forward to taking the more scenic Toukaidou for my return journey. I do intend to return, you'll be horrified to hear, once my sister has made a full recovery.

She is doing much better, thanks to a doctor of 'rangaku' from Aizu. Actually, he and his family were on their way back to Aizu after a few years study with Western doctors in Nagasaki. A very strange family, the Takani family, that they all left Aizu to pursue this vocation. The youngest is a girl of only nine, though I am told that she too has been educated in this profession.

I wonder when I see such things whether 'joui' is really the right path for Japan to follow. I wonder whether people really understand the implications of upholding this slogan. For one thing, it would mean that people would not be allowed to pursue foreign education like rangaku, and personally, I am glad that we were fortunate enough to come across such a doctor (not merely by chance, as they were asking for permission from my father to return to Aizu and perform their duties there). For another, the foreign countries are far more advanced than us in some respects, such as military expertise and transportation (or so I hear). Is it not feasible to learn what we can from them, to improve our own country?

I apologise. As usual, I end up saying (writing?) too much. I mean no disrespect, but simply to be honest with you. I can be honest with you, and forthright too, which is why, I suppose I choose to write to you although you might not appreciate it. Again, if it is an imposition, I am truly sorry. Of course, you might ask why I keep writing if I fear I might be imposing upon you. You may put it down to my twisted nature, and nature will as it does.

As always, I hope that you are well and enjoying the flowing sake this New Year. My best regards.

Takagi Tokio.

17th January 1864 –

Saitou-sama,

News reaches me from Kyoto and I am informed that the Shinsengumi are very active these days. I am sorry to hear about the recent murders of city officials. I also hear that you encountered Himura Battousai (is his moniker really Hitokiri Battousai? How awful.). I pray that you are not wounded – I worry that you might have been injured. I also hear that Okita-sama is becoming very famous for his swordsmanship. I have never seen him in action, so I really can't imagine how such a strong warrior hides behind such a childlike mask. He is also becoming very popular with the young ladies of Kyoto, I am told. This is not so hard to imagine, as he really is most charming. And you are slowly but surely becoming well known for your foul temper, is that not so? This also is not hard to imagine. (I am sorry, you know I merely tease.)

For all my teasing, I do pray for your safety, and your success. Not that I think you need my prayers. Of course not – not after having the misfortune of witnessing your skills for myself. Really. My outfit was ruined, and after all the trouble I went to procure one from the Koumyouji monks. I digress. As I was saying, I pray for you, and that is not because I doubt your abilities but because I believe in them. I worry, I worry about the fate of Kyoto. I worry about the doom of Japan. I worry that so many of the young men who are fighting for a cause though they do not really comprehend the magnitude of what they are fighting for. Do all the members of the Shinsengumi truly grasp the meaning of what they represent? Do the people of Choushuu know what it is that they are trying to destroy, and what it is that they are trying to create?

I recall how I worried about such things in Kyoto too. I was looking for the answers to such questions. I looked, but I did not find. At such times, I took to wandering the streets at night. And it calmed me to do so. I found that I could believe in you. I believe that you have the answers that evade me. And when I worry here in Edo, I remember that I knew a man, a good man, who knew what was worth fighting for. And still I believe in you. That is why I pray for you, for the gratitude I feel for having met you. I thank you.

I also pray that my faith in your abilities will not be undermined by news that you have been wounded. As ever, you have my best wishes.

Takagi Tokio.

7th February 1864 –

Saitou-sama,

The winter keeps its grip firmly here in Edo and has yet to see the snow thaw. I hope that you are keeping well, and that the sake in Kyoto is helping you keep warm. It seems like the passes of the Toukaidou will not be suitable for travel for another while, although I am eager to return to our capital. Circumstances here can be slightly demanding – and I find myself becoming improperly impatient. However, I don't see how burdening you with such trivial, petty matters will do any good.

So, instead, I will tell you a story. An unusal, different story. I had a dream the other night, and it reminded me of you. I dreamt that I was a winged girl in a cage, offering one of my feathers to passers by as my captor slept. You were out there somewhere. Things need not to have happened to be true. Tales and dreams are the shadow truths. When you dream, you sometimes remember, remember how to fly, how it is to be a child, how it is to love, how to die, we remember the echoes of the past, and we remember the future. When you wake, you always forget.

This has turned out to be an odd letter, and I don't know what you will make of it. Still, it is the letter that I wanted to write, and hence, I will send it. The courier leaves early tomorrow morn, so I must finish this now. I trust that you are well, or even better than well. Please take care of yourself, and my best wishes to you in all your endeavours.

Takagi Tokio.

28th February 1864 –

Saitou-sama,

Although I have not heard from you, I do hear news of you, and it makes my heart glad to hear that all is well within the Shinsengumi. Not that I am reproaching you – I understand that you are a busy person with a demanding lifestyle, and I would be the first to say that you have better things to be doing than to be corresponding with me. Still, I appreciate the time you take to read my letters (if indeed you are reading them) and that is enough for me.

It has already been two months since I left Kyoto, and I fear that I am losing my grip of all the information that has been delivered to Edo. I felt slightly disorientated when my father asked me yesterday why there are so many different elements to the call for Sonnou Joui, why there are so many different interpretations, why some choose violence and confrontation to further this or that movement while others call for peaceful, political negotiations. As well as this, I have been receiving reports that one Sakamoto Ryouma from Tosa has been seen in Kyoto in the company of some of Choushuu's more radical factions, including Katsura Kogorou. This has resulted in some confusion on my part, as I have been told that Sakamoto Ryouma is one of the more enthusiastic admirers of Katsu Kaishuu sensei, the commissioner of the Tokugawa Navy (this navy is a very exciting development, do you not agree?) and my father has met Katsu-sensei, who is an steadfast advocate of kaikoku. So, why on earth would Sakamoto-sama be meeting with radical elements of Choushuu, whose dislike of anything foreign is well-known?

I feel that things will change rapidly in the coming months. I don't have the faintest notion how, or why, but I am filled with a sense of foreboding. All I ask, though I have no right to, is that through it all (we live and learn), be as you are, though they may not.

As ever, as always, you have my best regards.

Takagi Tokio.

14th March 1864 –

Saitou-sama,

It has been a year since the Shinsengumi were formally charged with their mission in Kyoto, a year since I first saw you, a year since I first thought with a shiver down my spine at how much you men resembled wolves. A thought that I think about slightly ruefully now, as I understand that the nickname of Miburo has stuck.

In many ways, it has been a difficult year. Especially for Aizu; there are many people who regret that such a difficult task was assigned to us. Aizu is really trying its best, it is doing what it believes to be the best for the whole country, and not just for Aizu. Yet, not all the other regional factions are as disinterested. There are clearly those who are motivated purely by personal and political ambition, who resent Aizu for the power it holds in Kyoto, without a thought about how we are not working purely for political gain, but that a duty has been entrusted to us, that we must see through, no matter that we did not ask for this responsibility. They seek to undermine us, to the detriment of our country.

Of course, I am biased. There are honourable men from all over Japan, just as there are dishonourable men from Aizu. It is just so hard in this day and age to distinguish what is good and great and right, and what is not. Is it really so bad that we open our ports and start to communicate with the foreign lands? I know that I have touched on this subject before, and I must ask for your discretion (though it is really redundant as I trust that you would not repeat this to others), but I have been racked with confusion as to what exactly 'joui' means, and what it would entail.

Joui – I understand that people do not want to see Japan fall to foreign powers. And nor do I in anyway wish to see this country invaded like the other countries of the continent. Still, it is obvious that the military might of America, and Great Britain, and France, and other Western powers completely overwhelm any force that Japan could muster. There is a chasm of strength that we cannot hope to bridge at this present point. If, for the sake of opening a few ports, and commencing trade, we can stave off a possible attack against our land while at the same time learning about all these new modern technology and devices, then we in turn will become stronger, not weaker, and we have much to gain.

However, I understand that my private opinions are not popular at all. The conventions of nearly three centuries will not change overnight. I do not mean to preach, or to try to convert you. I apologise if I seem to be overbearing. It is just that there are not many people that I trust myself to speak my mind freely to. That I feel that way about you, I hope it does not make you feel uncomfortable. I apologise again if I do. I told you once that this world was not meant for creating strong women. I feel it all the more keenly as these days of turmoil pass. I envy you so much, and respect you too, that you are able to act upon your convictions, to defend your beliefs and to uphold your ideals. I respect you. I believe in you. And I still believe that you have answers which I cannot yet see.

Saitou-sama, I know that you are busy, and I hope that you are taking care of yourself. If not for your own sake, at least for pity of a simple woman far away from where she would rather be, who wishes for your well being every day.

Takagi Tokio.