Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters
by Akai Kitsune
07: Yasashi
~*~
"I've never loved anyone as much as I
love you."
Kenshin had never answered her words, Kaoru often thought back
with a small, envious frown. Certainly not directly; his response
had been to tilt his head down, where she had been leaning her
body against his chest, and kiss her, tenderly and for a long
time. When he broke away, a sad smile on his face and a glowing
love in his eyes, she had been too dazed by the power he always
carried with him to realize that he hadn't said anything back.
Not even a weakly comparative, "I've loved someone else
more, but you're okay, too."
Of course, he was smarter than that, she scolded herself. At
least he loved her enough to keep any comments he had to himself,
leaving it to her imagination.
She couldn't blame him for having loved before she met him; it
was not as if they should have been saving themselves for only
each other. As if he had known that he would meet and fall in
love with her. 'If he even did,' she sometimes despaired,
knowing that his kindness might go so far as to marry rather than
face her broken heart, caused by rejection. But the pure feeling
in his embrace, the need in his kiss... wasn't that love? Maybe
she was too hard on him. He deserved better, for all he had been
through.
Watching him as he cleaned the bathhouse rather late one day,
she suddenly took note of the empty dojo - Yahiko was working,
and she had somehow managed to convince Sano to take Kenji for
the evening, after explicitly warning him to steer clear of any
gambling joints, or else - and approached him, a slightly
imploring expression on her face. Sensing her coming, he turned
and noticed, beneath the pout, that she wore the most wicked
smile. Smiling slightly - though somewhat embarrassed - he didn't
resist as she dragged him into their bedroom and slid the shoji
closed behind them.
Afterwards, as she brushed her fingers
through his fire-bright hair, she heard him murmur sleepily,
"Tomoe used to do that." She pulled. Hard.
"Ow."
"What about Tomoe?" she said
testily.
"Koishii, do we have to argue about
this? Are you angry with me?" Her fingers withdrew from his
hair. "Ah."
Kaoru wrapped her arms around herself, sulking. "Why do
you compare me to her? It's hard enough dealing with perfection
when you don't talk about it."
He blinked. "She was not perfect."
"Was too."
"Koishii, she's the one who
jumped in front of my sword."
Kaoru considered this. "Okay, so she wasn't a genius with
weapons. But she could cook!"
A dreamy smile spread its way across Kenshin's face. "She
sure could..."
She shoved a pillow in his mouth. "Oh, shut up!"
He fell into silence for a long time, until finally he
murmured quietly into her ear, "She was too soft for me,
koishii."
"Hm?" Her anger fading slightly
in the face of her curiousity, she turned back to him. "What
do you mean?"
He smiled sadly, averting his eyes. "She was too soft. I
was a hitokiri back then... just a manslayer who knew nothing
about love, or even simple living. I was murderer who brought her
home with me because I didn't know what else to do. Yes, she
could cook, and she could take care of the house like a true
lady... but she couldn't teach me how to be a proper husband to
her. And I'm a very slow learner, you know. At that time, I had
no other skills besides that of assassination."
"Kenshin," she warned
softly, against his words and the memories it brought into his
eyes.
He murmured an apology, but forged on without fear or
hesitation. "She was wise, and very kind to me, even though
at times she seemed harsh. But I was too hard on her... too cold,
too cruel. In the end, she was far too soft to survive with
someone like me."
"Kenshin!"
He didn't bother to apologize again. "I chose you, not
because I love you more, or because I was afraid of how much a
rejection would hurt you, but because I needed someone who would
fight back. Someone who wasn't afraid of what I could do - as a
husband, as the controlling figure of the entire household,
whether I wanted to or not. I needed someone who didn't know who
I truly am, so they wouldn't fear me or loathe me. I loved Tomoe;
I love her still, and part of me always will. But I did not love
her fear, and in you," he placed a soft kiss on her
forehead, lingering above to catch the scent of her hair, "I
can feel nothing but the strength you have always carried.
Please, don't be angry for wanting to hold onto my love for both
of you."
She gazed back at him, her face flushed, and she nodded
silently, curving her neck into the crook of his shoulder and
closing her eyes. She was determined to not be angry; and
she really couldn't begrudge his past choices. After all... if
her only competition was dead, what was there to complain about?
If it was only with a grave and a memory... she could share.
She wasn't that hard on him.
~*~
|