Not mine! *huff*
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None.
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Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters


by Akai Kitsune

09: Yama

 

~*~

Kaoru didn't like the mountains very much. She was always wary of them, so vast and high above her, the trail long, and the goal unrewarding. She felt this way for a long time - although it mostly stemmed from a particular mountain near the city of Kyoto. The mountain that Kenshin nearly died on, fighting someone who should never have been alive in the first place.

It scared her; the thought of him facing a madman alone - even with Sano and the policeman she had yet to trust - and the possibility that he might not return. Or, if he returned, he would not be alive to accept her greeting. It scared her to think that there was someone out there in the world that could match him in skill, ability, and strength.

It scared her to think about a life without him.

Kioku would have called her foolish, she was sure of it. "Marry a man you can love," she had said. "A man who loves you." Yet she was distrustful of soldiers, other than her own husband. She did not like the idea of living under the same roof as a man who fought for a living; an assassin was something she would not have tolerated.

Although Kenshin wasn't an assassin anymore, his past wasn't something easily erased. Even Kaoru, who claimed to not care at all, had to admit that. After all, how could she forget, when his eyes spoke as a reminder of it every day? He would smile, cheerfully and full of joy, but there was always a slight restraint in that same smile, a darkness and a deep sorrow in his eyes. She often wondered about what he must have been thinking of, to carry such a sadness inside at all times. Even as he had turned to her, bright and full of confidence, and responded with ease, "Yes, we'll all go back to Tokyo together."

Actions speak louder than words, yet they are always so much harder to carry out. He nearly died that night; nearly broke his first real promise to her. He nearly shattered her heart into a million irreplaceable pieces, even if it wasn't really his fault. Certainly not his fault that he was the only obstacle in a madman's quest to tear apart their country, something her brave rurouni couldn't allow at any cost. Not after all he had done to create their current era.

No, Kenshin had accepted that challenge, and he had paid the price. Everyone had been faithful, so trusting. "Kenshin will come back." But not under his own power: Sano had been forced to carry him back, unconscious and still bleeding heavily. Only the skills of the doctors of Kyoto - and Megumi, when she finally arrived - saved his life, and kept his promise to her.

We'll all go back. And that faith, that trust, had faded in the moonlight, as his life seemed to ebb from his body and onto the ground as he lay, dying, fighting to live, even as his body cried, enough, enough, I have fought enough on this day.

 

But there were other mountains to climb, other obstacles to face. Mount Ueno, where Yukishiro Enishi announced his final vengence for the murder of his sister. Enishi himself, who stood in the way of everything they had fought for to hold Kenshin to their family. And then, of course, there was hesitation itself, as he struggled with his own thoughts of what their future should hold. He was stained, scarred, guilty, too dirty for her.

Kenshin no baka.

She wondered vaguely if he ever grew sick of her verbal abuse. Sometimes she was a little harsh - although he did deserve it, mostly - but often she couldn't really help it. It was his fault for not listening to her, anyway.

But then she wondered if Tomoe had ever hit him. If she ever called her quiet, amber-eyed husband an idiot. She doubted it.

Tomoe seemed perfect. She was capable of everything a wife was expected to do - in fact, she probably did everything Kenshin did in their family. Kaoru hated that; hated that his past wife could do more than she could. How was she supposed to compare with that?

"She was not perfect."

'Okay, so Kenshin doesn't feel that way,' Kaoru sighed to herself as she moped, experimenting with her latest cooking endeavour. 'But he always says things to make me feel better! She may not have been perfect, but she was better than me...'

'But I'm still alive... iie, that's not fair at all...'

Her own fears and niggling doubts seemed like mere molehills compared to his past. She couldn't understand how he made things appear to be so easy - through his smile, his casual attitude, his rare, yet heartfelt laughter - when to her, it seemed as if a man carrying the memories that he did would feel the pain of it, constantly.

'He does, though,' she reminded herself with a tight frown. 'He tries so hard to hide it, but now that I know him so much better... I can tell how he feels...'

'But never... never what he thinks...'

She often found it frustrating, how he could leave his heart open to the world, but at the same time close his mind so tightly that no one could catch even a glimpse of his thoughts. But what could she do? She was simply one part of his life, one section of his soul - 'And an important part, if he knows what's good for him!' - and there would always be a portion of his heart that forever denied her access.

And... that was all right. So long as he was with her, it would be all right.

~*~

The original title of this chapter was Mountain (translated into yama).
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