Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters
by Akai Kitsune
63: Bath
~*~
In the days
immediately following Kenshin's unknowing proposal, Kaoru often enjoyed a good
sulk. She would stalk around the dojo, finding something, someone to vent on,
whether they knew themselves to be a target or not. Kenshin himself was wary of
her for a long time, uneasy and nervous about what he might say or do to remedy
what he had already done. He assumed she was furious at him, even after her
temper had been quelled by his gift of flowers.
She was, in truth, embarrassed.
What woman wouldn't be, she
thought to herself, gazing mournfully at her naked fingers, where a beautiful
sapphire ring had once rested.
'After practically
floating around the dojo all day, thinking I was finally...'
'... finally getting
married...'
'And Kenshin...
Kenshin didn't say a thing.'
She couldn't really blame him.
Tae had manipulated the situation quite cleverly, armed with the knowledge of
Kenshin's ignorance of Western customs, and Kaoru's own tendency to turn a blind
eye to what was so obviously clear in front of her. Kaoru knew - in her heart of
hearts - that Kenshin didn't mean to propose. He appeared naive at times, but he
had far greater tact than to ask for her hand in front of everyone. He was a
very private person, and he was not apt to tell others more than he deemed fit.
Announcing an engagement to his
friends before she even accepted was simply not something he would do.
But still... the hope was
there; so strong, so fierce and desperate, she didn't want to have doubts. She
didn't want to sit and think about how unlikely the situation was, how many
holes could be found in her perfect bliss. She didn't want to consider the fact
that he had never, not even for a moment, asked her to marry him.
"Sorry to keep you
waiting..."
"I have this for you,
Kaoru-dono..."
Kaoru found
refuge in the bath, spending hours at a time just lying within the waters,
gazing at the steam as it rose in faint clouds around her. Her thoughts
shimmered and faded like the mist, vague and jaded, without any true source or
reason. In the silence of the bathhouse she would chant, like a mantra of hope
and despair at the same time, I love you, Kenshin. I truly do love you.
Kenshin, can't you see how much I love you?
Time passed, the water growing
colder as the flames beneath it died out - following her instructions, Kenshin
had neglected to add more wood to it in order to save some for later use - and
gradually, her words began to change. Silent tears flooded her eyes, falling
down her cheeks in a steady stream.
I love you, Kenshin. Why
can't you see how much I love you? Don't you love me, Kenshin?
You don't love me, Kenshin.
With each thought, echoing
eternally in her heart, she thought she might break. She thought she would fall
to pieces, like glass, or her favourite clay vase, painted and beautiful, but
now lost and broken. No better than garbage once the emptiness of its insides
were revealed.
I love you Kenshin. You
don't love me, Kenshin.
She could feel the pieces
falling, like the ring from her finger. It was not a soft, beautiful chime one
would expect - no, that was the sound of joy, of wedding bells. It was not the
resounding cry of fulfilled bliss, but a dull, empty throbbing in her soul,
painful and persistent. She could feel it.
Thud. Thud.
She shut her eyes tightly,
curling her arms around her body to hold back her shivers.
Thud. Thud.
I love you, Kenshin.
Thud. Thud.
You don't love me, Kenshin.
Thud. Thud.
Maybe I don't love you,
Kenshin.
Thud. Thud.
Don't you love me, Kenshin?
Silence. Her eyes snapped open,
fingers digging into slick, wrinkling skin. It made her look old. Old, empty,
ugly.
Busu.
Like a broken vase. Garbage.
Silence. Silence, except for
her tears, flowing, falling, mingling with the water. So cold.
Silence.
Thud. Thud.
The sound of flames churning
stubbornly, then flaring to life.
Slowly, the water began to grow
warm once again.
I love you, Kenshin.
I love you. I love you.
"Kaoru-dono?
Sumanei, the water was cold, wasn't it? We were running low on wood, so I went
out to chop some more. We should have enough for a long time, now. But I'm sorry
I made you wait."
"Sorry to keep you
waiting..."
"Is it warm
enough, now?"
I love you, Kenshin.
"Hai," she
murmured, her voice drifting lightly above the returning clouds of steam. "Hai,
it's warm enough. It's just perfect."
I love you.
"... I'm so
glad, Kaoru-dono."
I love you.
~*~
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