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Defying Gravity: Two

by dementedchris

I walked you to your homeroom without a word. You didn’t deserve my silence, I knew, but you left me to my thoughts. You always did.

Finally you spoke. "Kenshin," you murmured softly as I stopped at the door of your class.

I leaned slightly forward, trying to smile despite the pain of seeing Tomoe with Kiyosato. "Yes, Kaoru-dono?"

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips. "Will we still walk home together this afternoon?"

"Of course," I replied. You didn’t need to ask. I had kendo practice, and I walked you home. I had a girlfriend, and still I walked you home. A broken heart wasn’t going to make a difference to our decade-old ritual. We were friends. Friends never need to ask.

"Okay," you said, disappearing into the room. I walked into the opposite direction, to where Sano waited for me, leaning against a wall, his hands thrust in his pockets.

"Sorry about that, Kenshin," Sano apologized. "I would have told you eventually --"

I cut him off. "No matter. They’re together now. I was bound to run into them." How easily the words came now, as if I truly believed them. But who was I fooling? You knew. Even Sano knew, and he wasn’t exactly the most perceptive person around.

"So how’s Jou-chan?" he inquired.

I shrugged, wondering why the sudden change of topic. Knowing Sano, I expected him to hound the Tomoe angle relentless. "She’s fine," I answered for you. "Why would you ask?"

"I just thought it would be hard for the girl who loves you to stand by you through all this," he said casually as we entered our homeroom.

I stopped.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"Oh, shit," Sano cursed himself, but I wasn’t listening. His words pounded into my brain.

You love me?

My thoughts turned to you. You, standing in your doorway, framed by a summer morning. You, bending over me after a particularly exhausting kendo practice. You, laughing my hurt away. The images wash over me, crash over me, a wave on the sand.

Sano looked at me helplessly. "I thought you knew."

***

How do you thank someone who has loved you more than anyone?

Knowing you, it should be easy. You never asked for much; hell, you never asked for anything. You were content with all I could give, precious little though it was. Like I said, it should have been easy. A word, a smile, another walk home. But thanking you now would seem rather futile. Not even my sincere gratitude for your affection, for your presence in my life, could completely compare with all you have given me. I could talk all I want, but still the words would end up short.

You were the best confidant a guy could ever ask for. In you, I found myself trusting someone with things that I normally wouldn’t even admit to myself. You let me grow angry. You let me screw up. I was never afraid that you would judge me despite the crazy things I was liable to do. You were just there, listening, understanding. I could do no wrong in your eyes. You made me feel that no matter what I did, I was still someone worthy to be your friend. You anchored me. In this confusing world, I didn’t know I needed that until you.

I never really understood why you chose me. You have better friends; there are better guys. I always thought that I was messing up your life just by being there, but you never let me think that. You seemed so in control, so steady, so dependable. Or at least, that was what you wanted me to see.

Something kept telling me that you were also the only logical choice for a girlfriend. But I guess I never really was a big fan of logic, huh? I fell in love with the wrong girl when I should have been falling in love with you.

And God knows why I didn’t fall in love with you. Couldn’t.

How do you thank someone who has loved you more than anyone, and how do you break her heart?