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Moments in Time: Chapter 8 - Moments to Live For

by Fitz ::: 11.Aug.2003

I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in nearly a week. Last night, I didn’t sleep at all. All my life, I’ve had to deal with stress. One would think I could deal with it now. But my heart is pounding, my vision tunneling. I can hardly breathe, and my hands are trembling.

She does not seem to notice. I hope it remains like that. Her eyes are shining as she tells me about her interview and how the man smiled and shook her hand and said he’d see her again. She is still dressed in her interview clothes--businesslike--but nice enough for the place where we ate. I am still in work clothes, too, come to think of it. Khakis and a sweater because I just look too ridiculous in an Oxford shirt and tie, and the kids had a tendency to poke fun at my appearance if I wear that.

She’s still going. She can go for hours if I let her. I keep listening, although I barely hear her. I told myself I would not let the fear beat me this time. Terrified though I am, I can do this. I can survive this one trial.

I think she suspects something. For days now, I’ve been trying to keep it from her. She is always so perceptive, though. She always knows when I am hiding something, even if she chooses not to make mention of it.

God, I can barely think anymore. What if I ruin everything?

She is looking at me strangely. I probably am supposed to say something relevant to the conversation, but I cannot, for the life of me, figure out what she is talking about. It seems right. Time to change the subject. But… I can’t take it back once I do.

Kenshin? Her mouth is moving, forming my name, but I don’t hear it. Perfect. Maybe I’ll pass out and skip the whole thing. Sano would call me chicken shit. Maybe I am.

By some miracle, I smile. She seems relieved, and I can’t say I blame her. Taking her fingers in mine, I kiss the back of her knuckles lightly. She loves it when I do that, for whatever reason, I don’t care. I like doing it. Unfortunately, this night, it gives me little comfort.

“You’re pensive tonight.”

“Yes,” I agree, releasing her hand and pushing my chair back. My legs are weak, and it’s just as well that I sink to my knee next to her. The moment of truth. “Because I’ve been thinking about how to ask you…” Out with the little box in my pocket. I manage not to drop it, though my hands are so sweaty I don’t know how. “Kaoru… will you marry me?”

At last. She smiles.

^_^