I own Rurouni Kenshin… merchandise. Ha! Almost had you fooled there, didn’t I?

Yahiko: No.

Fitz: Crud.
So… last Monday I got a new cover for my cell phone. It’s got Care Bears on it. *huggles phone* Heehee! It just makes me all tingly. Stop rolling your eyes! Care Bears rule! (Not as much as She-Ra, but it’s hard to outdo the princess of power.)
One big one that I can’t say without spoiling part of the chapter. You’re all going to hate me, though. Nothing much I can do about that, I guess. Definite shonen ai content (but with Kamatari, we should expect that, right?)
Previous chapter ::: Author's page ::: Post a review at FFnet ::: Main fan fic index ::: Next chapter

My Life: Chapter 17 - It's Gonna Rain


by Fitz


By Friday night, I was so wound up I thought I would never get to sleep. The prospect of actually going on this trip had me uneasy, nervous, and excited all at once. I paced the room, double-checked that I had everything packed, made sure my tickets were in plain sight with the rest of my travel gear, and then started all over again. It was going to drive me nuts.

The weather had been nice all week, and I would have considered going for a run to get rid of some of the excess energy, but--of course--it chose to rain that night. It was pouring outside and it certainly was not a warm rain. Only an idiot would have gone running across the University campus at eight o’clock at night in a cold rainstorm. And I liked to think that I had at least some common sense. Otherwise I would have been calling Kaoru Saturday morning to tell her I couldn’t go because I was on the way to the hospital with a bad case of pneumonia.

Kamatari saved me from my restlessness. He was one of the few people left at the dorm that night, although not for long. His ride to the airport for his trip was due to arrive at nine-thirty. Poor guy. He had a late flight and would get to his destination in the wee hours of the morning. At least I would get to San Francisco at a reasonable hour, even if we did have to get to the airport by six the next morning.

“Excited, sweetheart?” Kamatari asked, inviting himself into my room. I glanced at him and nodded.

“It’s only the second time I’ve ever been on a plane,” I admitted. That, of course, was counting that round trip to Europe as one plane ride, but I was not going to get into the details.

“I’m so jealous,” Kamatari sat on my bed, picking up my gorilla and depositing it in his lap. He smiled up at me. “You’re going to have a lot of fun.”

“I’ll bet,” I sat on the bed next to him, leaning back against the wall. I sighed. “I hope so. I’m not sure how Kaoru and I will do together for such a long time... We set each other off sometimes.”

“That sweet little girl?” Kamatari chuckled. “I don’t believe you.”

“Don’t believe what?” I looked at him.

“I don’t believe she ever gets mad,” he grinned at me.

“Apparently I have a talent for pissing people off,” I replied, smirking back. “You looking forward to your own trip?”

“Eh,” he shrugged and looked down at the stuffed animal in his lap. “It’ll be okay, I’m sure. I’ll miss everyone here.”

“Careful,” I warned with a smile. “You’re the Harvard student next year.”

“Maybe,” he shook his head. He laughed. “You know... I wish I could take you with me to the reunion.”

Hm? That was odd.

“Why?”

“You’re so ingenuous,” he smiled and looked at me again. “You never seem to mind my... oddness. Not that I let it bug me that others do, but it’s nice to find someone once in awhile that will hang around with me without acting self-conscious about how I look and act.”

“...Oh.” Well. Quite the compliment, coming from him. I was startled. “Well... maybe sometime.” That was weak, but it was the best I could offer on short notice. Kamatari didn’t seem to mind. Not once bit. Actually... it brought about an unexpected and rather alarming response from him.

“Sweetheart, I would love that,” he murmured. He reached up and pushed some of my hair out of my face, going so far as to tuck it behind my ear. I glanced at him, wondering where his mind was that he was acting so pensive.

He kissed me. Just like that. His hand already by my face, he just leaned forward, his fingers wrapping behind my neck, getting tangled in my hair, and kissed me.

It wasn’t like that time when Okita kissed me. That drunken idiot was just being clever about the whole situation, and I knew it was a joke. This was different somehow. For one, it was a bit more prolonged. And Kamatari was so careful about it... like he was afraid to hurt me or something. He didn’t hurt me, but he sure as hell shocked me.

This was a problem. My eyes were so wide it hurt by the time Kamatari pulled back. His eyes had been closed, and when he opened them, his gaze was lazy and unfocussed.

“Kamatari...” I had to resist the urge to wipe my mouth. The situation was bad enough without insulting him. “I think... we need to talk about this.”

His eyes widened to the point where they were almost completely round. I could see the whites all the way around his irises, scarily enough. He jerked back, yanking his hands away as if he just realized he’d been touching something really hot.

“I’m sorry!” he blurted, scrambling off the bed. “I didn’t mean--! Sorry!”

And he shot out of my room so fast I barely had time to call after him. I was on my feet by the time I heard his door slam. A few seconds later, I was outside his door, turning the knob. I had expected a locked door, but it swung right open. I glanced in, knowing full well this situation would require some delicacy--which I did not always possess.

“Kamatari...” I walked into the room, glancing into the closets. A pile of clothes on the floor marked Chou’s closet, and Kamatari’s had the cosmetics on the counter above the drawers. Further into the room... He wasn’t there. “Kamatari? Shit.”

I bolted out of his room and into the social lounge. Predictably, it was empty and silent. I stopped at the elevator and pushed the down button. It lit up, but I had the feeling the elevator would be a long time in coming. Swearing again, I went to the stair well and skipped down the steps as fast as I could safely manage.

Damn him! That idiot! Did he think I’d condemn him or something?! This was not helping me calm down for some much-needed sleep! I had to find him and straighten this out or both our spring breaks would be miserable.

I hit the first floor and looked around. Actually, I had never gone this way before, and I was a bit disoriented. It took a few seconds to figure out where the pool and laundry rooms were, and from there I ran out into the lobby. The student worker sat at the front desk, looking a bit uncomfortable and staring off to her right. I glanced through the glass partitions uneasily. No way in hell did he do that.

“Did someone just come through here?” I asked the girl at the desk. Her name tag identified her as Amy. Amy glanced at me, then nodded.

“Looked like she had been crying,” she confirmed--shit, shit, and shit again!--and pointed to the side. “She went outside.”

That utter and complete moron! When I found him, I was going to kill him! And I didn’t even have my ID with me.

“Are you going to be here for awhile?” I demanded to know. Amy nodded, looking startled.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“I don’t have my ID,” I went to the security door. “I’ll need someone to let me back in.”

“Oh... I guess that’s okay,” she smiled weakly. “Just this once.”

I didn’t answer. I was out the door, running through the hall and to the exit. A blast of hot air hit me just before I slammed out the second door and into the rain.

Damn it! This is cold!!

It was a downpour and nearly pitch black outside. The street lights barely lit the surrounding area, and I nearly tripped over someone’s bicycle on my way to the main sidewalk. I started shouting, hoping to god Kamatari was close enough to hear me. If not, then better that he was inside, although if that was the case, then I would have to hurt both him and that girl who told me he went outside.

KAMATARI!” I screamed into the rain like some character in a dramatic movie scene. I was soaked, my clothes drenched and my hair plastered to my face and neck with the wind and rain. I shouted again, running to the street corner and back. Playing on a desperate hunch, I ran across the street to the parking garage. I knew where his spot was, and I prayed he had not driven away while he was so upset. Maybe he would just sit in the car.

But he was not there either.

Son of a bitch!!

I went back to the dorm. The campus was huge with a lot of places to go and hide. If Kamatari did not want me to find him, then I was not likely to do so.

Amy let me in almost immediately, hopping back when I wrung out my hair in the entrance before fully entering the building.

“Should I call campus security?” she asked anxiously, handing me a towel. I guess they really did keep everything behind that desk.

“Not a bad idea,” I replied, uneasy about the whole situation. “Someone’s supposed to pick him up at nine-thirty. Maybe he’ll show up for that.”

The girl bit her lip, and I walked away from her, wrapping the towel around my shoulders and sitting on the bench to wait.

^_^

He didn’t come. I was officially worried by the time Kamatari’s ride showed up at the door. The woman stood in the front entrance for awhile, the phone pressed to her ear. She hung up and tried twice more to contact the room, and I decided she was the one who was giving him a ride to the airport. I got up and opened the door, earning a startled glance.

“Are you here to pick up Kamatari?” I asked.

Her eyes went wide, and I gathered she knew something was wrong. In general, it is not a good sign when someone comes up and asks that kind of question.

“What happened?” she asked, a little breathlessly. “Is he okay?”

“My name is Kenshin,” I introduced myself before answering her questions. “I’m a friend of his. And I’m not really sure what’s going on. He ran out about an hour ago, and I haven’t seen him since.”

“What’s wrong?” she gasped. “What happened?!”

“We had a misunderstanding--” Yeah. That was the understatement of the decade. “He got upset and ran off. I tried to follow him, but I didn’t know where he went. U of M Security’s keeping an eye open, but the U is a big place.”

The woman’s face paled behind her make-up, making her look rather sickly. I reached out to steady her. The last thing I needed was for some woman to go and faint on me. But she didn’t faint. She studied me for a minute, maybe trying to decide if I was a reliable person to be talking to about this. I solved that problem quickly.

“I’m in the room next to Kamatari,” I said, nodding toward the lobby. “You can talk to the girl at the desk.” As I spoke, the girl let us through the security door. I looked at her solemnly. “This is the girl that saw Kamatari go outside. This is...” I turned to look at the woman, unable to introduce her yet. She offered a pained smile.

“Yumi,” she nodded politely. “Kamatari’s cousin. You saw where he went?”

“Right outside,” the desk girl shrugged helplessly. “You want me to call security again?”

Yumi looked worried, but I didn’t blame her. Hell, I was worried.

“Please...” she whispered. She looked at me again. “What... what kind of misunderstanding?”

Oh god. My face felt like it was lighting up like a glowing red light bulb. But Yumi looked so anxious that I had to say something. I gestured to the nearby chairs--she still looked ready to faint--and we sat in the lounge to wait.

^_^

By midnight, I was frantic. Yumi was worse. She was practically screaming at the poor security guard, crying and demanding to know where her cousin was. I had already taken her to his room, and she knew he wasn’t there. The guard was doing his best to calm her down, but there was only so much he could do. It was not like they could call the police. The police didn’t do anything unless the person had been gone for forty-eight hours. Kamatari had barely been gone for four.

I hoped to all that was holy that he was okay. The University streets and sidewalks were not kind to a person walking alone--boy or girl. Kidnapping, mysterious disappearances, rape... it was all distressingly common in situations like this.

I glanced out the window again at the rain. My hair was dry, and I had taken a minute to change into clean clothes, but I remembered how cold and miserable it had felt out there earlier. Why would Kamatari be so stupid as to run out into that? And was he so dumb as to actually stay in it? I did not think so.

Two o’clock rolled around, and Yumi was pacing the conference room, cell phone to her ear. I was exhausted and needed to make a phone call myself. I asked the guard at the desk, and he let me use the phone there. Good. I wanted to be down in the lobby if Kamatari came back soon.

The phone rang four times and picked up on the answering service. I chewed on my lip uneasily and waited a few minutes before trying again. Once more, no one answered. Wearily, I stared at the phone, the tinny sound of the prerecorded message barely audible as I hung up. I took a wild gamble and hoped her parents wouldn’t kill me.

Someone picked up off the third ring.

“Mm-huh?” was the incoherent answer.

“Mr. Kamiya?” I asked. “I’m sorry for calling now, but is Kaoru there?”

“Who is this?” the man grumbled.

“It’s Kenshin, Mr. Kamiya.”

“Kenshin?” he echoed. “Why are you calling at... two-oh-seven in the morning?”

“It’s a bit of an emergency, Mr. Kamiya,” I explained. “Is she there?”

“Uhhh... yeah. Yeah, I’ll go get her,” he agreed hazily. A long minute later, a very sleepy Kaoru picked up.

“Kenshin?” she asked, sounding pretty woozy. “What’s wrong?”

“Kamatari’s missing.”

A heartbeat of silence was all she offered before she came back with a wide-awake response.

“What?!”

“He’s been gone since eight-thirty last night, and we don’t know where he’s gone,” I continued. “His cousin is here, and she’s in a panic. He was supposed to catch a midnight flight out of here, and he’s missed it. No one knows where he could be.”

Kaoru moaned softly.

“This is going to wreak havoc on our plans,” she realized.

“Kaoru...” I couldn’t go anywhere until I knew Kamatari was safe. Surely Kaoru understood that.

“Don’t worry about that, Kenshin,” she said quickly. “I’ll take care of the flight and reservations. How can I get a hold of you later?”

“I don’t know...” I sighed. “I’m in the dorm lobby right now, and I’ll probably stay here for awhile. I’ll call if anything happens, but... I don’t know.”

“You want me to come over there?” she offered. I smiled tiredly.

“Maybe later,” I half agreed. “With the U shutting down, the people here seem to think he’ll turn up soon.”

“Okay, Kenshin.” I could hear her yawn through the phone. “I’ll talk to you later. Get some rest.”

“I’ll try.”

I hung up the phone, thanked the guard, and went back to the chairs in the lobby to wait. Damn the waiting. It was the most useless thing a person could be doing, and yet... there was nothing else to be done.

^_^

I was dozing on one of the couches when he finally came in that morning. It was almost eight, and the sun had been up for awhile. I figured I slept about an hour that night. My flight to San Francisco was supposed to leave at eight-twenty. No way to catch it this late. But I wasn’t thinking about that when Yumi’s shouting rudely woke me.

“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? How worried your parents are?!” Yumi demanded. “What on earthdo something like this?!” possessed you to

All the while, she was crying. She wasn’t really mad. I knew that because as furious as I thought I would be, I was immensely relieved when I opened my eyes to see Kamatari standing in the lobby.

He was wet and looking miserable, his hair flattened and dripping around his face. The rain had settled into a mild drizzle, but that was enough to drench him again. His face was clean of most of the make-up, just some dark smudges around his eyes where the mascara had run and he had not been entirely successful in getting it off.

Much to my surprise, Kamatari did not avoid me like I might have done were our positions reversed. His stare was rather flat and dull as he watched me walk up to him. And as for me, I just glared up into his face for all I was worth.

He surprised me again by being the first to speak.

“Do you hate me?” he asked, almost whispering.

As if that was possible. If anyone hated Kamatari, then that person was a prejudiced asshole. I wasn’t mad at  him. I didn’t hate him. But I knew what he was feeling.

I took a breath and let it out slowly, hoping to speak with a steady voice. I met his sad gaze again, hardening my face into an angry glare once more.

“If you ever do something like this again--” He flinched, but he did not look away from me. I had to give the guy credit for that. “I will... I’ll...” I couldn’t carry out that threat. How could I say it if I could not possibly follow through on it?

With a frustrated growl, I flung my arms around his shoulders, hugging him as tightly as I could manage. I would hit him if he ever made me worry like that again!

“I should punch your lights out, you son of a bitch,” I mumbled into his shoulder. It was times like this that I wished I was taller. How intimidating was I if I couldn’t look him in the eye for that threat?

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He was shaking, and suddenly, he was nearly a dead weight in my arms. He fell against me, crying quietly, his hands around my back, fingers digging into my shoulder blades. It hurt quite a bit, actually, but I could not have cared less about it. I just held his weight and stood there while he apologized again and cried into my shoulder.

“You’re as big an idiot as I am,” I informed him. “Do you have any idea how bad that is?”

He laughed a little through his tears, which was good. That was what I had been going for. I stared at the top of his head, resting on my shoulder, his dark hair matted and dirty from the rain. He looked horrible.

“We are going to talk about this later, Kamatari,” I informed him. “But right now, you are dripping all over me. You’re cold and wet, and if you catch something I will never forgive you.”

“If I don’t?” he wondered, his voice sounding muddled and unusually deep from his crying. “Will you ever forgive me?”

“There is nothing to forgive,” I replied. “It’s just a bit of a complication... We can work with it. Come on,” I shoved at him, making him carry more of his own weight. “Go shower and get dressed. Your cousin worked with the airlines to get a flight for tomorrow. Today...” It was going to be a loooong day. “Today we’ll work this out.”

So help me, I was starting to sound like some mixture of Uncle Hiko and Kaoru.

^_^

Yumi, apparently, decided she would not lecture Kamatari on behaving responsibly. She informed him that she would be back the next day at noon to pick him up. She all but threatened him with grave bodily harm if he was not exactly where he told her he would be when that time came. The woman was intimidating.

My own plans had been shot to hell. Kaoru’s mother had some sway in a lot of circles, and somehow she managed to convert those tickets into vouchers. Kaoru couldn’t get her money back, but at least it was not a total loss. The trip was merely delayed. For how long, I did not know--maybe not until the following year.

As for that day following Kamatari’s return, it was an odd one. I worried what would happen if I did not clear things up with the guy before he left, so I resolved to talk to him when we both felt human enough to do it. For the moment, he seemed leery of being alone, and I was terrified to let him out of my sight.

So there I sat, on the bathroom floor while Kamatari showered. I had changed yet again because Kamatari had gotten me wet not long before, and I was comfortable in sweatpants and a tee shirt. I was not as comfortable with the hard tile against my back and beneath me, but I could live with it. I was worried about how Kamatari was acting. He was unusually quiet, but I could sometimes hear his uneven breathing. I recalled the time I had seen him crying in his room before Chou pushed me out. I could only hope that had nothing to do with this. If it did, then this would be a lot more difficult to handle than just some impulsive kiss. Unfortunately, I had the feeling it was all related.

The shower stopped, and I looked down at my lap quickly. Between the time when the shower curtain opened and when Kamatari stood in front of me fully dressed, I picked at a loose thread in my pant leg, embarrassed to the point of blushing. Fortunately, I was already pretty warm from the shower steam build up, so I could blame my flushed face on that.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” I asked him when he finally stepped in front of me, standing on the hem of his cotton pants.

“A little,” he muttered.

“The library?” I predicted. I believed he could stay in the entrance at the very least, where the air was constantly hot and blowing on the people coming in from the cold.

“How’d you guess?”

“You always go there when you don’t have something to do,” I looked up at him. In fact, I had just thought of that. I wished I would have come up with it sooner, and I could have saved everyone a lot of grief.

I held my hand up to him, and he caught my wrist, helping me to my feet. He sniffed, then wrinkled his nose.

“You smell like you’ve been in a bar,” he murmured.

I sighed.

“I had a few cigarettes last night,” I admitted.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” he said with a faint little smile.

“I try not to,” I replied, not returning his smile. I was not ready for that just yet. My mind was too preoccupied with the situation. “I was upset.”

His smile faded.

“Because I--”

“Ran off like an idiot,” I interrupted. I knew where he was going to take that comment, and I would not let him finish it. “And scared the hell out of me and your family when you took your sweet time in coming back.”

He offered a grateful smirk, and I pulled the door open, gesturing for him to leave the bathroom.

“You look like the waking dead,” I said. “Go get some sleep.”

“You look pretty awful yourself,” he said, glancing at me and crossing his arms over his chest. “Your face is almost white.”

“I’m fine,” I retorted. “I’ll have plenty of time to sleep later. You’re the one with a plane ride tomorrow.”

“You going to stand guard over me until then?” Kamatari asked, a hint of teasing in his voice. I took the question at face value, despite his tone.

“You can bet I am,” I said, probably a bit too sharply. The stress of the night had gotten to me. I sighed. “Just get some sleep before you make yourself sick. You hungry?” I shook my head, taking back the question. “Of course you’re hungry. I’ll order some pizza and have it delivered here in a few hours.”

“Pepperoni?” he asked hopefully.

I tried not to cringe. Ick. I hated pepperoni.

“Half,” I allowed. Kamatari nodded and walked into his room. I followed him in, settling down at Chou’s desk with some homework I was supposed to have finished by the Monday following break. While it was all well and good to have it finished so soon, I would forget everything I had done by the next week. Ah, well. It was something to do, although I did not think I would get a whole lot done that day.

Kamatari must have been exhausted. He dropped off after a few minutes, snoring lightly into his sheets. There was no faking that--not him in any rate. I watched him sleep, my eyes rapidly losing their focus with my own weariness. He became this shapeless blob before me.

I was not sure what to do. It seemed that the situation really was not resolved. Things were strained between us, and I did not want that. But for this one incident, he was a good friend, and, I thought, in need of some friends himself. Other than Chou, I did not think Kamatari had any close friends. That alone made us alike. My list of close friends was barely longer than his with Kaoru and Sano. And if he really did go off to Harvard, I knew I would regret parting with this hanging between us. I had enough regrets in my life without adding this to it.

I needed some help. Certain that Kamatari was not going to get up anytime soon, I left the room and went next door to mine. I picked up the phone, punched in a number, and sat in the doorway with the phone cord stretched as far as it would go. It was a small price to pay so I could see if anyone came or went from Kamatari’s room. Me? Paranoid? Of course not.

“Hello?” Kaoru picked up off the second ring.

“It’s me,” I murmured, trying to keep my voice low so Kamatari would not hear me. We were not that far away from each other.

“Kenshin? How’s it going?” she asked immediately. “How’s Kamatari?”

“Actually, that’s why I called,” I admitted. “I need some advice.”

“From me?” she seemed startled.

“Well, you’re the one who always nags at me when I’m down, so I figured...” I trailed off, hoping she did not blow up at my honesty. If that little sniff I heard was any indication, she was a bit irked, but there was not much I could do about that. “I don’t know what to do about this whole thing. I don’t want him to go away thinking I hate him.”

“I don’t know the situation very well,” she started. That much was true. I had not given her any of the details. She really did not need to know that. All Kaoru knew was that we had a sort of... disagreement, and that he disappeared for the night. “But you should talk to him.”

“I’ve talked to him,” I protested. If threatening him and scolding him was considered talking... “A little.”

“I know it’s hard for you,” she said, not sounding the least bit sympathetic. “Being as you’re male.” Ah hah hah. She was so clever. “But you have to talk to him. Tell him that you still want to be his friend. Tell him how you felt last night when he disappeared. Be truthful. If I’m right, he’ll respond to it... probably a whole lot better than you do.”

“You’re getting nasty about this,” I complained. She giggled.

“It’s true,” she pointed out. “You do anything to avoid confrontations.”

“With you,” I growled.

“Kenshin, I’m hurt,” she murmured.

“Bullshit.”

“Don’t swear at me, you little twerp,” she snapped. “Are you going to do what I suggested?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “That’s... You really think I should tell him all that? Couldn’t we just... I don’t know, bond over a movie or something?”

She sighed noisily, and I smirked.

“Men!” she spat. “Kamatari’s a bit more emotional than you anyway. Trust me, Kenshin.”

“He’s not that much more emotional.”

“Kenshin!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I had to chuckle. It had not been my intention to frustrate her, but since I was, it was kind of amusing.

“Go away, idiot,” she laughed. “Give me a call later. I’m going to ask you how it went, so you’d better talk to him.”

“I’ll talk to him!”

“Later!” she chirped, cheerful as could be, that sweet-talking, manipulating--

Click. The dial tone buzzed in my ear. Grunting in irritation, I stood and hung up the phone. I don’t know how that girl did it, but she always seemed to have things like this figured out. No wonder I found her so frustrating at times.

^_^

The smoke filled the room and clouded my senses. What had I had to drink? Something strong... That, combined with the intoxicating fumes wafting around me created a comforting haze in my conscious mind. I walked slowly through the house, wandering.

What was I looking for? Something very basic, that much I knew. Something that seemed very pressing just moments ago after I had swallowed some more of that bitter liquid.

I stopped in the restroom. It seemed I needed a toilet, but I don’t recall using it. One minute I needed it, the next I felt fine. But the toilet was whistling, proving at least someone had used it recently. I was the only one in there, so it must have been me.

The mirror was fogged up. Someone had used the shower, maybe. I reached forward and trailed my fingers over the damp surface, fascinated by the dripping lines I created. I drew a picture--a little face. It was not a smiling face like I wanted it to be, and I frowned at it. It frowned right back at me, and I drew a big X through it. Disgusted, I left the room.

The bathroom faded into a memory as foggy as that mirror when I left it. I found myself in a murky hallway. The lights were off, and some of the smoke from downstairs drifted through, making me sigh gratefully.

Someone else was in the hall. I could hear him, feel him as he walked around me. I didn’t recognize him, but that was not unusual. Nothing to worry about. Even the knowing smirk he gave me was something I saw frequently.

He was pretty close and shook his head when I tried to continue by him. I looked at him, confused and not liking what he was doing. Hands slid along my sides, and he leaned closer. That bothered me, and I told him to stop. He thought it was funny. Started laughing like he knew something... something I didn’t and wouldn’t unless I learned it from him. And he did not back away.

I pushed him, my movements clumsy and slow, my hands shoving at his, my feet scrambling to take me back. My hands went up to his face when he leaned in again, and he yelped as my fingers caught on something. It made him mad...

The wall cracked and groaned in protest when I hit it. I staggered, trying to stay on my feet. He was coming at me, hands digging into my arms, shoving me back against the wall again. My terror rose, and I squirmed, trying to get away. What was he doing? I looked up, just as he bent down again--

My eyes snapped open, my senses registering hands on my arms and dark eyes inches away from mine.

Dear god, the dream isn’t over!

I gasped, sketchy and painful, and slammed back away from the man. Those eyes blinked in alarm, and I watched as the features solidified and formed a familiar face. Kamatari hovered a step away from the bed, looking as startled as I had felt.

God!” I tried to catch my breath, my chest heaving with the panic. My heart was hammering away inside my rib cage, and I held a hand over it as if that would slow its frantic pace. “It’s only you!”

“Are you okay?” he asked anxiously.

“Fine,” I panted, looking around quickly to reorient myself. I was on Chou’s bed, oddly enough. Apparently, I had fallen asleep despite my intentions of staying awake. The wall was cold at my back, and I eased away from it, feeling just the slightest bit foolish. “I’m fine... You’re awake?”

“Pizza’s here,” he said cautiously. “I paid the delivery boy already.”

“I’ll pay for half,” I muttered, sliding off the bed and padding out to the social lounge after him. It was deserted again. Everyone had gone home or out somewhere for spring break. We were the only ones left on the floor. Good. I didn’t think I could do this if someone else was within earshot.

Kamatari had already scrounged up some napkins and cans of pop--he had Pepsi and I had Sprite, since Kamatari knew that was what I liked--and we sat down to eat. It was a little awkward, and we touched topics of small importance that were completely unrelated to the problem at hand. I asked him about his annual family reunion, and he smiled.

“It’s fun,” he said, pausing over his pizza slice. He frowned. “My father does not approve of my way of life and just about blew a fuse the last time I did not dress like the perfect model of a masculinity. Mother is more forgiving, and the cousins act like they don’t care. They think it’s weird, but treat me normal enough, just like any other eccentric youth.”

“Yet you enjoy this?” I asked, thinking I would go into hiding over something like that. Kamatari smiled tolerantly.

“I’ve taken to dressing in jeans and a sweater around the family,” he replied. “It’s more comfortable for everyone involved, and fairly androgynous, don’t you think?”

“I guess...” It seemed to me that he had to sacrifice his identity for the comfort of his family. Not exactly fair. Shouldn’t his family love and accept him for what he was no matter what the circumstances? I seem to recall having heard that somewhere... My mind drifted a bit while I tried to remember what it was.

“Sweetie...” Labored breathing. “Baby, don’t cry. I love you...” Suppressed coughing. “No matter what you do... Maybe I’ll be mad... maybe I’ll yell at you and scold you... but I love you. Nothing will change that... I promise.”

“...dresses up like clowns and broadcast Punky Brewster through the whole house,” Kamatari was saying. Punky Brewster? Clowns? What the--!

“What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded, looking at him in confusion.

“So you are listening,” Kamatari smirked. “You looked like you zoned out on me for a minute there, Kenshin.”

The abrupt switch to using my given name was not lost on me. It was disconcerting and rather disheartening.

“Sorry,” I glanced down at my barely touched pizza. I picked it up.

“What was the dream about?” he asked abruptly. I looked at him in surprise. My face warmed in embarrassment.

“Uh... I don’t really...” I could almost see Kaoru, scowling at me. ‘Be truthful’ she had told me, but that was one thing I did not discuss with anyone. Ever. “It was nothing.”

Kamatari looked at me warily. He was finished with his pizza, and my appetite was down. I put down the pizza slice I had been holding and wiped my hands on a napkin, contemplating how I was going to do this.

“Are you mad at me?” Kamatari asked before I could say anything. I blinked and met his sad stare.

“Not really,” I leaned forward, folding my arms on the table. I frowned at him. “A little, I guess. I’m mad that you ran off like that.”

He nodded slowly. Sitting there, his hands folded in his lap like that, he looked very insecure. There was not much I could do about that, though, so I let it be for the time. Kamatari swallowed and looked down at his hands.

“I’m such an idiot sometimes,” he murmured. “I wasn’t thinking... I tried to ignore it like Chou said.”

Ignore it? I chewed on my lip uneasily, waiting for him to continue.

“We have so much fun together,” he said with a pathetic attempt at a smile. It disappeared, a look of regret replacing it as if he wished he had never smiled. “And I... I found myself thinking about it. I thought... wouldn’t it be nice if I could find someone like him? And then it went from that to more, and...” he was sniffling. He was going to cry again. I wished he wouldn’t, but I knew it would not be appropriate to stop it at this point. “I’m sorry! I told myself I wouldn’t go after anyone here, and you’re not into that anyway, and--”

“Kamatari,” I cut him off, reaching out automatically to touch his arm. He stopped talking and sat there, sniffing miserably. Damn it, but this was awkward. “Kamatari, I... I don’t think anything I say will help with that.” He coughed and nodded once.

“I know,” he whispered.

“But...” This had to be the strangest experience of my life. I was not sure how to start. I sighed. “Look. Let’s take a step back for a minute.”

He glanced up at me. I didn’t smile, but I did not frown either.

“I like you a lot, Kamatari,” I said frankly. “You’re a good friend--better than most. And I really don’t want to lose that.”

“You don’t?” He bit his lip. I shook my head.

“I was really scared when you didn’t come back last night,” I admitted. “I was mad that you would do something like that... and I was a little mad at myself.”

“Why?” he asked curiously. I glanced at him, into his bloodshot, watery eyes.

“Were you really that afraid of what I would do?” I asked quietly. “I know I’m a bit temperamental, but... No,” I shook my head again. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Just... just don’t do that again.”

“So you’re not mad that I kissed you?” he asked.

“No...” Although it still made me uncomfortable. I looked at him, irritated, embarrassed, and guilty at once. “Let’s just not make a habit of it, okay?”

He nodded, then sniffed again. For heaven’s sake. I stood, dumping the napkins in a nearby bin and folding the box over the remaining pizza.

“Come on,” I suggested, standing over him. He still looked miserable. I frowned anxiously, not sure what else I could say. Kamatari looked like he might break if I tried anything else. This might not work out, no matter what I tried.

Cautiously, I set my hand on his shoulder. He coughed again, and it wasn’t from a cold. I felt like I had done something wrong, but I really had not done anything, so how could it be my fault? I squeezed his shoulder lightly, not sure what I could do to help him. Maybe there really was nothing I could do.

I was so caught up in my worrying that I never noticed him moving. Granted, he did not move very much or very far, but I missed the shift nonetheless. That is, I didn’t notice until an arm against the small of my back dragged me forward. I looked down in surprise as Kamatari pressed his cheek into my chest, his other arm moving to wrap around my waist as well.

Uh...

He had not really cried before. A few tears, some sniffling--nothing like this. To be perfectly honest, I was at a complete loss. I had never seen anyone break down like this. His whole body shook, and if he had not been crying, I would have thought it time to call an ambulance. My back hurt from the force of his arms squeezing my waist, and I had to brace my hand on the back of his chair to keep from falling. I doubt Kamatari noticed my loss of balance. He held me tighter, if it was possible, and continued to soak the front of my shirt with his tears.

For a long, awkward minute I stood there. I mean, I really did not know what to do. I tried to think of what others would do. Uncle Hiko’s course of action was not an option. My side still ached with the memory of how he had struck me. Kaoru and Sano--they would have returned the hug. That was... well... I could probably do that.

Well... hugging him was difficult. He was in a chair, I was standing, and it just did not work. So I stood there, feeling pretty damned useless with my hand on his hair, the other hand still bracing against the chair since I felt like I was going to topple at any moment. A bit embarrassed by the whole situation, I kind-of stroked his hair. Ms. Kamiya had done that to me when Kaoru was in the hospital, and it had been nice. Of course, she probably did that to comfort her daughter all the time. I was not accustomed to this, and I think, perhaps, it might have been more appropriate for Ms. Kamiya than for me.

I sighed, knowing I was being stupid and unhelpful. Kamatari wasn’t crying so much by that point. That was a good sign, I thought. He hiccupped softly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice sounding thick, muffled, and strange. His face was pressed into my shirt.

“Nothing,” I mumbled. I opened my mouth to continue, but he beat me to it.

“You sighed.” He had noticed that? Granted, he was holding me so tightly that it was nearly impossible for him not to notice any movement I made.

“Oh... ummm, I thought...” What to say to that... “I thought I should hug you, but I couldn’t... It doesn’t work.”

He chuckled, shaking again but not in such a scary way.

“You didn’t push me away,” he murmured. “That’s enough.”

It wasn’t enough, and we both knew it. I let my fingers trail through his hair one final time, my hand finally stopping on his shoulder. His hair looked so strange when he did not style it. There was no mistaking who he was without all the primping time, but he looked very different. And with his face all flushed and damp and splotchy from crying, not only did he look different, but he looked pretty bad.

“No one would mistake you for a girl now,” I muttered.

He blinked, pulling back and looking at me. I stepped away cautiously, so as not to trip on the chair legs. Kamatari touched his hair with a light hand and closed his eyes, moaning softly.

“I’m afraid to look in a mirror,” he said.

“Then don’t.” That seemed an obvious solution to that problem.

“But I won’t be able to fix it if I don’t!” he pouted. I smirked and ruffled his hair like Sano so loved to do to me (the annoying jerk). Kamatari yelped and scooted away from me, his hands going to protect his hair--messy as it already was. “You’re making it worse!

“It’s not possible,” I retorted, grabbing the pizza and following him back toward his room.

“That’s not nice!” Kamatari groaned. “And I was looking forward to days of people being nice to me.”

“Wait until your cousin comes,” I advised. “Then complain about people not being nice.”

“You had to remind me,” he grumbled, digging through the drawers in his closet and pulling out miscellaneous hair- and facial-care products. Of course, I was as interested in watching him apply lipstick as I was in watching cheese mold, so I settled down on Chou’s bed again, leaning back against the wall comfortably.

Something occurred to me then, that I had not thought about in days.

“How’d that job interview go?”

The noise of Kamatari digging around abruptly stopped, and my stomach sank.

“I didn’t get it,” he said finally, then started digging around again.

He didn’t... After everything he did, he did not get the internship.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he shrugged and glanced over at me with a weak smile. “They gave the job to someone who’ll actually be able to work past next August.”

“I know you wanted that internship.”

His smile disappeared, and he nodded.

“Yeah.”

We didn’t say much after that. He went about making himself look pretty again. I sat on Chou’s bed, half dozing and waiting for him to finish. Then, we dug through his DVD collection and found one we both liked.

I was surprised to find that by the time we started the movie, it was after four o’clock. When the movie was finished--it was Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade--it was time for dinner... technically. Kamatari was not hungry, but I had not eaten much earlier, so I ate the leftover pizza, and he drank a pop. Then, we let our brains turn to so much mush, watching the Saturday night movie on the FOX network.

“I’m pooped,” Kamatari announced after ten. I was inclined to agree with him. It had been a taxing day, and in the past forty-eight hours, I had gotten less than three hours of sleep. I was ready to drop. “You mind if I hold that stuffed animal of yours for awhile, Kenshin?”

Odd request...

“Sure,” I went and got the gorilla and gave it to him. Kamatari smiled gratefully and curled up in his bed, hugging it. Weird guy. I shrugged to myself and claimed Chou’s bed again. I’d have to wash those sheets, but I doubted he would care much.

My intention was to watch Kamatari--all night, if need be. But I did not think he was going anywhere. Also... the instant my head was on the pillow, the exhaustion had me, and I fell asleep.

^_^

I did not have to worry. The sound of Kamatari’s hair dryer woke me the next morning, proving he would not sneak off again without telling me. I groaned in protest, thinking it was too early to be awake. The clock declared otherwise--it was just after ten-thirty. I had slept for over twelve solid hours. Incredible.

I sighed unhappily and sat up, pushing at the hair that hung in my eyes obstinately. If my tangled, messy hair was any indication, I had been doing acrobats in my sleep. Only a shower and a lot of conditioner would fix that, but I pulled out the hair elastic and picked at the knots wearily.

“Finally decided to grace me with your presence, Kenshin?” Kamatari called over the noise of the dryer.

“Nnn,” I replied. He chuckled and continued to do his hair. It was back to some semblance of normalcy--his hair and our friendship. His hair was fixed easily enough, but the tenuous friendship we shared was more difficult to keep intact. The way he slipped into the more formal, calling me by my name rather than ‘sweetheart’ almost hurt. I could understand his hesitancy, but at the same time I wished we could go back to how it would have been had he never confronted me with his feelings.

The next hour and a half went by swiftly. I took a shower and changed clothes, and when I met up with Kamatari again, he was sitting on his bed with a book and my stuffed gorilla. The book was one I had never even heard of, and I forgot the title the instant I looked away from it. He set it aside and shook his head at me. Then, he spent twenty minutes drying and brushing out my hair. It was by some great force of will that I managed to sit still through that.

Noon came too quickly. We stood at the front entrance with his bags, waiting for Yumi, an awkward silence between us. Fortunately, we did not have to wait long. Yumi’s car pulled up to the curb, and Kamatari picked up his bags.

“Have fun,” I offered, handing him his pillow. He glanced at me, serious again.

“Enjoy your break,” he replied. “I’m sorry for ruining your trip.”

I shrugged.

“I’ll see you in a week?” I asked.

“I wouldn’t miss that for anything,” he murmured. He dropped one of his bags and hooked that arm around my neck. I gasped as he yanked me forward, pressing my face into his shoulder, his own face somewhere in my hair. “Take care, Kenshin.”

Nodding and mumbling an incoherent response into his jacket, I cautiously returned the embrace.

Yumi shouted something, and he pulled back reluctantly. I stood uneasily as his hand lingered on my face. He stared at me for a minute, perhaps memorizing what I looked like, and then dropped his hand. Picking up his bag again, he turned and followed Yumi to the car. They put his bags in the back seat, and he climbed into the passenger side, slamming the door shut after him. He glanced at me through the window, and I offered a halfhearted wave, feeling a little silly for the gesture. Even so, he smiled and waved back.

They drove away.

I stood there, unsure of what to do. Glancing up at the sky--the clear, sunny sky that I wished had been the case two days ago--I considered my options. Kamatari was gone, leaving me alone at the dorms for a week. Uncle Hiko did not need me hanging around, and I still had to make the week up to Kaoru.

I smiled to myself. I would take care of Kaoru first, then worry about everything else. That was a decent enough plan.

Turning, I jogged around the side of the building, up the ramp and across the overpass. I shot across the courtyard and around the library, running as fast as I could manage in my flimsy tennis shoes and a baggy spring jacket. I needed something to clear my mind, and a run seemed to be in order. I rounded the building and made my way to the Washington Avenue Bridge. Once I was over that, there would be no turning back until I was ready to go call Kaoru.

I ran for an hour and a half. Well, not constant running, but close. Some jogging and a few minutes of walking were all I took for breaks. I was sweating and breathing hard by the time I returned to the dorm, definitely in need of another shower. But I felt better... more relaxed.

Kaoru picked up off the second ring when I called her.

“Hello?

“Kaoru?”

“Kenshin! What’s up?”

“Want to go get some dinner?”

“That sounds great. I’ll pick you up in half an hour.”

I hung up the phone and went to take a shower.

^_^

*Utilizes duck-and-cover techniques* Yes, I bailed out on the trip for this Spring break. I may bring it in later, but for the moment, this is what I want. Writer’s prerogative and all that. Next chapter will be jumping around in time, so watch for the explanations. I’ll try to keep it pretty clear.



Omake 1

Kenshin: *Narrating* He jerked back, yanking his hands away as if he just realized he’d been touching something really hot.

Kamatari: *grin*

Sano: *whistles loudly*

Kaoru: Stay away from him, you perverts! That hot guy is mine!

Kenshin: Oro... *blush*



Omake 2

Kenshin: *Narrating* I guess they really did keep everything behind that desk.

Student worker: I’d let you wash up in the kitchen sink, but the hot water doesn’t work.

Kenshin: ...
Previous chapter ::: Author's page ::: Post a review at FFnet ::: Main fan fic index ::: Next chapter