This fan fiction is based on the Rurouni Kenshin manga. Rurouni Kenshin characters are the property of creator Nobohiro Watsuke, Shueisha, Shonen Jump, Sony Entertainment, and VIZ Comics. This is a non-profit work for entertainment purposes only. Permission was not obtained from the above parties.
More random silliness; potentially first in a series of equally random unfortunate events. I think/hope the title means "the hitokiri who says ni", but since I'm making this up as I go along, don't quote me on that....

(Well, you can probably quote Shihali, who generously provided the corrected version of this title. Thanks! :) )
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Ni To Iu Hitokiri: Chapter 1 - Duck


by wombat ::: 09.May.2003


"We've found a hitokiri! May we shag him?"

"Oro! I'm not a hitokiri. Well, not any more. And *they* dressed me up like this! This isn't my scar, it's a false one!"

"Did you dress him up like this?"

"Well, we did do the scar. And the pink gi. But he is a hitokiri!"

"How do you know he is a hitokiri?"

"He turned me into a tanuki! ...well, I got better. But shag him anyway!"

"There are ways of telling whether he is a hitokiri. Tell me, what do you do with hitokiri?"

"Shag them!"

"And what else can be shagged?"

"More hitokiri!" (whap) "A rug!"

"Very good. So, why are hitokiri shaggable?"

"Because... they're made... of rugs? That's right-- lay him flat on the floor and roll around on him!"

"Wait, wait. Tell me-- do rugs collect dust?"

"Yeh..."

"And how do you get dust out of rugs?"

"Spill grape juice on them?" "Get your cat to spit up hairballs?" "Hang them over a balcony and beat on them?" ("Oro!")

(Hiko, shishou of the Britons, appears unexpectedly:) "A vacuum cleaner."

(general gasps of astonishment)

"Exactly! So, logically..."

"If we can suck dust out of him... then he's a rug...."

"And therefore...?"

"A hitokiri! Shag him!"

"We shall have to use my larger suction device...."

(Kenshin glares at Sir Saitou and mutters "It's a fair cop" as he's dragged away. "Orooooooo...!")

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