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Ni To Iu Hitokiri: Chapter 9 - Badger

by wombat ::: 07.Oct.2003

[After the long journey to Kyoto, Kenshin and Saitou are looking for somewhere to stay. They spot a likely-looking place, but the doors are locked and the lights are out.]

"Hello?"

[No response.]

"Hello! Is there anyone in there?"

[Misao peeks over the wall and addresses them in her very best Kansai-ben.]

"Allo! Who is eet?"

"I am Himura Kenshin, and this is Sait-" [Saitou kicks him] "-I mean, Goro Fujita. What is this building?"

"Zees is ze Aoiya Inn of ze Oniwabanshuu."

"The Oniwabanshuu? What're you doing in the Meiji era?"

"Mind your own business! What do you want?"

"Go and tell your Okashira that if he will give us food and shelter for the night, he may join us on our quest for my new sakabatou."

"I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's already got one, you see?"

[among themselves]

"What?"

"She says they've already got one." [to Misao again:] "Are you sure?"

"Yes, eet's very nice." [She whispers to Okon and Omasu, "I told him we already got one." They all snicker.]

"Er, could we come in and take a look at it?"

"Of course not! You are Imperialist types!"

"What are you then?"

"We are ze former ninja bodyguard of ze Shogunate! Why do you think we have zees outrageous butt-bows, you silly rurouni?"

"If you will not give us the sakabatou, we will enter your inn by force!"

"You don't frighten us, Meiji pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, you so-called Goro Fujita, and your silly Hitokiri Ba-TOW-sai!" [She makes very rude noises at them.]

"What a strange person."

"Now look here-"

"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you soba-sucking nicotine-addicted turncoat! I fart in your general direction! And as for you, your shishou has cirrhosis and your girlfriend is a tanuki!"

"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"

"No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time."

"Now really, we've been more than reasonable-"

[Misao whispers to the others:] "Usagi wo kudasai."

"Nani?"

"Usagi wo kudasai 'tte!" [They bring her a cute fluffy bunny.]

[Outside again, the guys are getting cross.] "If you do not agree to our commands, then-"

[The bunny is catapulted over the wall at them.] *sproing*

"What the-oh, it's only a harmless rabbit, it-"

[The vorpal rabbit leaps up and gnashes the heck out of them.]

"Run away!" "Run away!"