Kendo no Go
In the Language of Kendo:
A Fanfic in 100 Chapters
by Akai Kitsune
16: Misery
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Misery loves company.
Kaoru often wondered exactly how happy Kenshin had been with Tomoe. He
had brushed over the subject only vaguely when describing their relationship -
knowing that she would likely get jealous or angry if he said he had been too
happy - but had never really given any details. What sort of things did they do
for fun? Did they have fun?
What did a Bakumatsu shadow assassin do for fun?
He mentioned that he had played with children, enjoying their loud, cheerful
company and the distraction it brought about from his thoughts. Tomoe's
interaction with them, he admitted, had been less enthusiastic, and it both
puzzled and worried him; what if, had they remained alive and married, they
started a family, had children of their own? What if her smile was forever
frozen in her heart, never to see the sun or meet him on his way home?
"That's part of why I love you," he whispered, brushing a
loose tendril of hair away from her face. "You are always smiling, and there is
no ice... only sunlight."
Frozen sunlight. How can one love both?
"I was a different person back then," he told her, a
wistful, sad smile on his face. "I was lost in a world I thought I could change,
lost in my own mind and the thoughts I had created for myself. I was frozen too,
in a way; it was Tomoe who made me see that, and somehow we managed to find a
little happiness in each other."
"But Kenshin," she objected, "You were so different from
each other, as well. You were trying to change the world for the better. She was
ice because she hated you. Didn't you help her to see how wrong she was?"
He laughed at her, quietly as usual, and shrugged. "Love, hate. It's strange
how easily one can be changed into the other. I did nothing to change her; I
merely lived, continuing on as I had before, with the exception that she was
there with me, showing me that there was more to life than just... existence.
She had such an unusual way of caring, it made me curious - something I hadn't
felt for a long time until she came. Eventually I came to love her, not for her
smile, or her spirit, or any of the reasons I love you," He paused a moment,
unconsciously reaching out to wrap one arm around her and draw her close to him,
"But because she was the only one to really care about me since I became the
hitokiri. It was so unheard of... I couldn't help it. She had a strength I could
never fathom."
Kaoru was lost, confused. "Kenshin... how can you love two people who are
that different from one another?"
His broad smile returned, and he tapped the end of her nose playfully, giving
her cheek a gentle kiss. "Because, Kaoru-chan," he murmured honestly, "In your
heart, you have that same strength. And... as I said, I am a different man from
the manslayer who fell in love with Tomoe. I could never love anyone like her
again; it would be far too close to my heart. I need a stronger balance for who
I am now."
She could say nothing after that, and instead chose to take his words to
heart and snuggle closer to him, enjoying his warmth, and all his promises.
y
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