Genre

Rating

Spoiler Level

The Hitokiri Stainmaster: Chapter 3 - TenClean Tour

by Angrybee ::: 17.Oct.2003

Deep in the heart of Kyoto, five people were standing on the porch of the Aoiya looking up at the sky.

"What in the hell is that, Misao?" Kuro asked, pointing at a giant light that had been focused on a cloud.

"Call me Okashira!" Misao exclaimed, beaming brightly. Oh, it was so very clever what she had done. So very, very clever. "And -that- is the NINJA SIGNAL!"

"Why does it look like a naked silhouette of Jiya?" Omasu asked, looking more disgusted than worried.

Misao dug her toes into the ground and pursed her lips. It was indeed clever, but she should have never left the old man in charge of setting it up. "Nevermind that. Someone is in trouble. To the Ninjamobile!"

The other four Oniwabanshuu just scratched their heads. "The what?"

"Arrrrgh!" Misao exclaimed, grabbing her kunai. "The hot air balloon that I bought off the black market. Duh!"

"Ooohhh, Misao," Okon warned, "You shouldn't buy things off the black market. You know that."

"Fine. Just pretend I bought it off of MeijiBay," Misao replied, crossing the courtyard to climb into the cabin of the hot air balloon. "Come on guys! We've got to get to Tokyo right away."

"Hell no." "No way." "Not a chance." "Nuh-uh."

"Fine. Then I'll go alone," she replied, "Some ninjas you are."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back in Tokyo, our friends were regarding the smiling Ten-Clean with extreme caution.

"Why should we go with you to meet this Shishio fellow, hm? It's probably a trap!" Yahiko exclaimed, pointing at the young man in a most rudely accusatory manner.

"Well, yes, it is most definitely a trap," Soujiro replied, putting his hands behind his head as he laughed. "I'm to take you to our secret hideout, known as The Laundrymat. Then, if you can defeat all of Shishio's henchmen, one by one, including myself, you can ask of Shishio whatever you wish."

All of the Kenshingumi looked at each other thoughtfully.

"I'm going to ask him for a new heart," Kenshin said.

"I'm going to ask him for courage," Yahiko added.

"I'm going to ask him for a brain," Sano exclaimed.

"I'm going to ask him for some sparkly ruby red slippers," Kaoru chirped.

(Somewhere, far across the city, Shishio Makoto looked into his crystal ball and cackled, "I'll get you, my pretties, you and your little Rurouni too." Then he turned and told Yumi to bring in the flying monkeys. Finding none, she handed him Henya and asked, "Will this do?")

"That -isn't- what he meant," Saitou exclaimed, "He meant we can find out what -exactly- Shishio wants with all the laundry, and why he is doing so much bleaching, and then stop him. You people are -idiots-."

"Right," Soujiro said, still smiling, "Come along, if you would."

They walked along the streets of Tokyo, Soujiro in front, the Kenshingumi in the middle, and Saitou begrudgingly taking up the rear, Suddenly, Soujiro turned around and began to walk backwards. Smiling as widely as the Cheshire Cat doing bong hits, he motioned off to the side.

"If you look to the left, you'll see the river. Plenty of good fishing here in this river. Beware the catfish, though. And now, if you look to the right, you'll see the Akabeko..."

"Ano, Seta-san, might I ask...what exactly...you are doing?" Kenshin remarked, fairly timidly, as if worried for the boy's sanity.

"Sorry, sorry," The Ten-Clean replied, "Its a habit. Being the top henchman for a mad Stainmaster pays well, but you don't get medical or dental. So, I took this part time job. I'm the Terror of Tokyo Tour Guide."

"So..." Kaoru whispered to Kenshin, "Is -that- why he smiles all the time?"

"Scary," was Yahiko's only comment.

"Now," Soujiro continued, "If you look to your right once again, you'll see Tokyo's most famous sideshow attraction, The Half-Doctor-Lady-Half-Fox."

Sano shrugged and thrust his hands into his pockets. It was going to be a very long day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Somewhere in the sky above Japan, Makimachi Misao was drawing up plans for wombat repellent. You never knew when you were going to need to repel wombats. As a ninja, she always had to be prepared. Prepared for wombats. Prepared for evil. Prepared for evil wombats!

Misao liked the sound of that. So, she stood up in the hot air balloon and shook her fist at the landscape, "I'm prepared. Do you hear me? I'm prepared to do battle with EVIL!"

Right then, a pigeon flew directly into Misao's forehead with a loud -smack-, knocking her out.

Her last conscious thought was: "I should draw up plans for pigeon repellent."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

With a giant flourish, the Ten-Clean finished off his tour of Tokyo with a bow, "And now we have arrrived at our destination, the legendary Laundrymat!"

There was a polite round of ooohs and ahhhs as Soujiro looked around confusedly.

"Ano, where's Yumi-san?" he asked nobody in particular. Suddenly, a black-clad foot soldier ran out of nowhere and handed the smiling Ten-Clean a piece of paper. Holding it up to his face, he read silently, "Gone to find the flying monkeys. Please proceed without me. Yumi."

The Kenshingumi all crowded around Soujiro for a chance to read the note, Yahiko hopping slightly.

"So, who is this 'Yummy' and when are we going to meet -her-?" Sano asked, his boredom receeding quickly at the prospect of tasty women. "I call dibs on doing laundry with the woman!"

Saitou glowered at the young streetfighter, "Well, of course we'll pair you up with the -woman-, Sagara. Its the only one you have any possibility of beating. No offense, Kamiya."

Kaoru raised her bokken, but then decided she was more interested in what Soujiro was doing. And what he was doing was rooting around in his gi. Quickly enough, he produced a handpuppet wearing a red kimono and sporting green lips.

"Welcome to the Laundrymat! My name is Yumi!" Soujiro made the puppet say.

"Yumi-san, you made it!" Soujiro said, smiling at the puppet.

"Yes, boy, yes I did." Soujiro said back to himself as he moved the puppet around. The Yumi puppet then 'sat up straight' and turned it's cloth head to 'look' at the Kenshingumi. "Well, shall we begin?"

"There is something -seriously- wrong with that boy," Sano observed.

"Oh, I don't know," Kaoru added, "It could be worse. He could be an assassin or something."