See author's intro.
Narrator here. You love me, you really love me! Hugs and kisses to all my reviewers: Hotaru Tomoe, Karina Kineshi, Talaco (Thanks for the invite to your RK party! I’m glad you liked my fic), Amy, Susan, Selene, Lina Inverse…

The Narrator is interrupted as a black and blue blur with a katana, closely followed by another black and blue blur with a whip almost run her over.

Saitou: Get away from me, you insane little girl!

Kanashimi: Pookie, come back!

Saitou: NO!

Kanashimi: YES!!

Narrator: Uh, yeah… *sweatdrop* Anyway…Thanks also to Shira Yozoma, Koihe Kid, Glass Rose (I had a hard time getting “It’s a Small World” out of my head after writing that section…), SMDSP, Arashi, Starwriter (Sometimes Kenshin does sound femmy, but I socked one of my guy friends who had the idiocy to actually say that), Mara, Kori Suketchi (Yes, great minds do think alike, although I thought I was being original -_- What’s the name of your fic?), Onna (All I can say is…watch your back)…

Kanashimi: Damn straight! See this? (brandishes fluffy pillow) I have a pillow and I’m not afraid to use it!

Narrator: Weren’t you chasing Saitou?

Kanashimi: I was.

Narrator: Okay…Why aren’t you chasing him now?

Kanashimi: *shrug* Caught him.

Saitou: (somewhere in The Narrator’s Authorspace) GET ME OUTTA HERE!

Narrator: Oh. Moving on…to Jason M. Lee and chibi-angel: I’ll never forget that Sano used a zanbattou. Thanks for clearing that up, thanks also to Fanny M, Ayce Shade, J. Liha, Takato Taikash, Shiari (It’s nice to know Kanashimi’s not alone)…

Kanashimi: He’s still my pookie!

Narrator: Technically, since he’s married to Tokio…

Kanashimi: *scary growl*

Narrator: Shutting up! And last but not least, thank you to Emiri-chan: Your enthusiasm has been both inspiration and motivation. I hope I have answered your challenge sufficiently. Domo arigato, minna-san! I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up, but I’ll sure as heck try!

Kanashimi: And if anyone bashes Saitou in their reviews…just remember the fluffy pillow…

Narrator: Where did I put those sedatives? And I still don’t own RK, so all you lawyers can kiss my…!
None.
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Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes: Chapter 4 - Warning: Excessive Editorializing Ahead!


by Narrator


Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes (The Narrator takes on the Kyoto Arc)

And the Kyoto Arc says “uh-oh”…


Scene where Hiko’s just sent Kenshin to get water so he can talk to Kaoru, Misao, and Yahiko:

Hiko: There are some questions I want to ask you.

Yahiko + Misao: Hai!

Yahiko: There’s just one thing I want to know…

Misao: …how old are you?

Hiko: A true lady never asks a gentleman his real age.

Yahiko: Bwah?

Kaoru: Ano…isn’t it “a true gentleman never asks a lady her real age”?

Hiko: Things are politically correct now, so I think the corollary should apply, don’t you?

Yahiko: Bwah?!?

Misao: *whining* Director-san, Hiko’s using big words again! Make him stooooop!

Director: Cut! Hiko, it’s called a script! Use it!


Scene where Yahiko’s just blurted about warning Kenshin that Aoshi’s in Kyoto:

Misao: (tackles Yahiko) Aoshi-sama!? You know something about him? Please, tell me!

Yahiko: Aoshi…SAMA?! (jumps up and stands in front of Kaoru, shinai out and ready for action)

Kaoru: Yahiko?!

Yahiko: Stand back, Kaoru! She’s one of the Onnaweemi-banshu!

Everyone freezes, trying to ignore his little slip up.

Yahiko: (tries again) Stand back, Kaoru! She’s one of the Onnawami-banshwee! Onawumoo…Ona - ack! I can’t say it!

Kaoru, Misao, and the rest of the cast begin cracking up.

Yahiko: Who was the sadist who came up with that name anyways?

Director: Cut!


Scene from above, take two:

Misao: (tackles Yahiko) Aoshi-sama!? You know something about him? Please, tell me!

Yahiko: Aoshi…SAMA?! (jumps up and stands in front of Kaoru, shinai out and ready for action)

Kaoru: Yahiko?!

Yahiko: Stand back, Kaoru! She’s one of the…one of…one of those ninja peoples!

Misao: Ninja peoples?!

Yahiko: I can’t say it! Yahiko’s not coherent today!

Kaoru: Yahiko is also referring to himself in the third person.

Yahiko: Yahiko is allowed to do that.

Director: Cut! (shakes head) Bizarre little twit…

Yahiko: Hey!

Kanashimi: Just because you had trouble pronouncing it…

Narrator: Aw, shaddup!


Scene (in flashback) where Okina is telling sleeping chibi-Misao that Aoshi is leaving:

Okina: Misao…your Aoshi is going to leave the Aoiya.

Chibi-Misao: *cute snoring*

Aoshi goes outside and joins the rest of his Onawami…Onnewimmy…Ona…the ninja peoples.

Hannya: She will be sad when she wakes up and finds out that you’re gone, Aoshi-sama.

Voice of Chibi-Misao: That’s why I’m coming with you!

Aoshi turns around so that everyone can see Chibi-Misao latched firmly onto his butt.

Chibi-Misao: I’m coming with you, aren’t I Aoshi-sama? *puppy-dog eyes*

Aoshi: Ummm…*sweatdrop* Misao, I really need you to let go now…

Chibi-Misao: NO! WON’T!! (hugs him even tighter)

Aoshi: (tries prying her off) A little help here?

Hannya: But you look so kawaii!

Rest of…ninja peoples: Awwwww…

Kaoru: (offstage) Why aren’t you out there helping him?

Misao: This is funny. I’m not going to stop it.

Kaoru: Okaaaay…

Aoshi: (jumping around, still trying to shake off Chibi-Misao) WHY WON’T YOU LET GO?!?!

Chibi-Misao: BECAUSE I WUV YOU!!!

Kanashimi: (appearing out of nowhere) Ah, young love…

Director: Cut!


Scene where Hiko’s sitting on the log, waiting for Kenshin to wake up:

Hiko: Oi, how long are you going to sleep?

Kenshin: (tries to get up…fails)

Hiko: If you just sit there, I’m goin’ to keep remembering the pasht…I mean, ha ha, the long ago pasht…Stupid hard to pronounce words…(takes another drink of “sake”)

Kenshin: (sits up and stares at Hiko) Shishou, daijoubu, de gozaru ka?

Hiko: Jusht dandy, heh heh!

Kenshin: Hey, you’re really drunk, de gozaru yo!

Hiko: I’m not as think as you drunk I am! (A/N: I love that T-shirt! Wish I had one…)

Kenshin: (picks up Hiko’s “sake” jug and sniffs) @_@x This isn’t sake! It’s…(takes a drink) *cough cough* VODKA!

Hiko: Yeah, a couple of my Russian buddies were visiting the hut just the other day…It’s great shtuff. Try some!

Kenshin: Ano…

Hiko: Vodka for everyone!

Sano: Hiko rules! (jumps onto the set, grabs the jug from Kenshin and begins chugging)

Kenshin: (sweatdrop as other cast members join the impromptu party) This is not going to be pretty, de gozaru…

Yahiko: Sugoi! (starts to run out onto the set)

Kaoru: (grabs his collar) Oh no you don’t!

Yahiko: Awww, why not?

Kaoru: The Narrator’s not going to allow any underage drinking in her fics.

Yahiko: Fudge! (pouts)

Kaoru: Director, why aren’t you stopping this?

Director: (hides a flask) Sure thing *hic* Kaoru-shan! I’ll go right up there and *hic* put a shtop to all this! (walks onto the set) Hey…shave me shum!

Kaoru: *sweatdrop*

The Narrator does not encourage/approve of getting drunk or underage drinking. It’s just funny when other people do it and get hangovers…


Scene where Shishio, Yumi, and Co. are standing on the deck of the Purgatory:

Yumi: (nervous) Are you sure we’re safe on such an old ship?

Shishio: You didn’t fall in love with me for my looks, did you?

Yumi: Nani? Well, I’ll admit there was the bandage fetish at first…

Shishio: o_O

Soujiro: O.O Not again! *massive nosebleed*

Rest of RK cast: *blink blink* Ewwwwww…

Kenshin: *shudder* That is just disturbing, de gozaru yo.

Yumi: (innocent…cha, right!) What?



Things You Wish Had Happened on Rurouni Kenshin

 

1.      Kenshin and Kaoru kiss, make out, etc.

Narrator: That one’s a “duh,” but it soooooooo should have happened.

Kanashimi: And you soooooo need to let go of it.

Narrator: Grrrrrr…95 FRIGGIN’ EPISODES! AND NO SMOOCY-BOOCHIES! NOT EVEN ONCE! I CAN’T FRIGGIN’ BELIEVE IT! WHY?!? WHY?!?!? THEY DESERVED SMOOCHY-BOOCHIES, GUNDAMMIT! *continues ranting*

Kanashimi: *sweatdrop*

 

2.      Saitou takes off his jacket and his shirt.

Narrator: Guess who wanted that one.

Kanashimi: *drools*

 

3.      The entire male cast of RK breaks out into the “gang fight” song and dance routine from “West Side Story.”

Narrator: Kenshin and Sano in tight jeans…mmmm…

Kanashimi: Dancing ballet?!? That’s just wrong!

Narrator: They’d still be in tight jeans.

Kanashimi: True…

 

4.      You actually get to see Tokio.

Kanashimi: Hell, no! I don’t want that!

Narrator: That’s only because you’d lose your claim on Saitou.

Kanashimi: Grrrrrr…

 

5.      You find out the secret of Sano’s gravity-defying hair-do (this applies to Chou also, but we really don’t care about him).

Kanashimi: Did they even have wood glue back then?

 

6.      Kenshin doesn’t really have to fight the bad guy. He only has to beat him in a screaming contest.

Narrator: For a little guy, he’s sure got lungpower.

Kanashimi: I could beat him. Watch… (opens mouth)

Narrator: (slaps both hands over Kanashimi’s mouth) I’m sure whoever’s reading this doesn’t care to have their eardrums assaulted.

Kanashimi: Umf issh eee Inereft! Ike fey coo eeer ee! (Translation: This is the Internet! Like they could hear me!)

 

7.      You’re told just how in the heck Kenshin got red hair.

Kanashimi: Damn those Vikings…

Narrator: *nod nod*


8.      Shishio gets wiped out by a meteor.

Yumi: Grrrrrr…

Narrator: (holds up hands) Hey, not my idea! My otou-san and Kanashimi came up with that one!

 

9.      Shishio gets stomped on by Godzilla.

Yumi: GRRRRRRR…!

Narrator: Okay, that one was mine. (runs away from a homicidal Yumi)

Kanashimi: (as Godzilla) Ew, crunchy mummy dude on my foot! And I just had a pedicure, too!

 

10.  Houji becomes a Mary Kay spokesperson and sells eye shadow from his pink choo-choo train.

Narrator: o_O Again, my otou-san and Kanashimi. Not me.

Kanashimi: Pink choo-choo trains are scary…

Narrator: Oi…

 

11.  The Juppon-gatana do a replay of the infamous Blazing Saddles “campfire and beans” scene after eating Kaoru’s cooking. (Mel Brooks is a genius!)

Kanashimi: I don’t even want to imagine the smell.

Narrator: All I can say to that is…yeah, my otou-san’s weird (this was his idea again)

Kanashimi: What about me?

Narrator: You’re just special.

Kanashimi: Aw, thanks…Hey!

Narrator: (runs away from homicidal, pillow-wielding Kanashimi)


12.  Misao slaps Aoshi upside the head for being clueless.

13.  Megumi slaps Sano upside the head for being clueless.

14.  Kaoru slaps Kenshin upside the head for being clueless.

Kanashimi: I thought she does do that.

Narrator: *shrug* I was on a roll.

 

15.  Kenshin and Kaoru kiss, make out, have children, etc.

Kanashimi: You already said that.

Narrator: I didn’t say, “have children” did I?

Kanashimi: But they do have children…child…whatever.

Narrator: BUT I DIDN’T GET TO SEE IT, NOW DID I?!

Kanashimi: o_O Please think about what you just said…

I hope everyone enjoyed these outtakes. I’m trying to space them out a bit so I don’t put all of my good ones in one chapter. Special side note on my otou-san: he also suggested something where Sano hits on Misao and gets the crap kicked out of him by Aoshi and Megumi. He thinks it’s funny when Sano gets beaten up…I don’t know why.
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