| Disclaimer | See author's intro. |
| Author Intro |
Narrator here. Before we begin with another segment of “Kenshin Outtakes,” I have one question.
Kanashimi: And that is? Narrator: Why am I duct-taped to this chair? *Flashback to “Technical Difficulties”* Kanashimi: (dodging Narrator’s kunai [helpfully provided by Takato Taikashi]) Help us, not her, kisama! Narrator: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! DIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! Kanashimi: Come on, peoples! She’s gaining on us! Saitou: I shouldn’t be running from an enemy. Kanashimi: That’s all spiffy, Pookie, but I think the Shinsengumi code of honor doesn’t apply to homicidal authoresses. Saitou: Point taken. Suddenly, a Rurouni Kenshin doushinji appears in Kanashimi’s hands. Kanashimi: “To Kanashimi: This will fix her! Love, Kori Suketchi.” I wonder what kind this is… (opens doushinji) O.O Sweet Mother Mary! Saitou: Nani?! What is it? (takes doushinji from Kanashimi) O.O KAMI-SAMA! I did not need to see this!!!! *nosebleed* Kanashimi: Throw it at her! It just might work! Saitou: (chucks the doushinji at The Narrator) Take that, omi! Narrator: (catches doushinji) Oooo, for me?! (starts reading) SMOOCHY-BOOCHIES!!! SUGOI!!!! Kanashimi: Oh, there’s more than smoochy-boochies in there… Saitou: San, ni, ichi… Narrator: O.O HENTAI!!! (faints from blood loss) Kanashimi: Yes! Thanks, Kori! Saitou: Is it over? Kanashimi: Yep…probably. I’m almost certain it is. Saitou: I’m going to make sure… *End Flashback* Kanashimi: *shrug* You made Pookie nervous. Saitou: (curled up on the floor) Hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai, hentai… Narrator: That sounds like something you did to him. Kanashimi: Eh heh… (sweatdrop as she holds hentai RK doushinji behind her back) Narrator: Am I allowed to get out of this chair now? Kanashimi: Ummm… Although my sister is a dedicated fan, she does not own Rurouni Kenshin. As you know, she doesn’t even own her own mind at times… (The Narrator: You’re sooooo lucky I’m still duct-taped to this chair…) |
| Warnings | None. |
| Previous chapter ::: Author's page ::: Post a review at FFnet ::: Main fan fic index ::: Next chapter | |
Genre::: Humor Rating::: PG-13 Spoiler Level::: Kyoto |
Rurouni Kenshin Outtakes: Chapter 6 - All Good Things Must Come to an End (or do they???)by NarratorRurouni Kenshin Outtakes…Finale
Scene where Tae and Tsubame come to the dojo to cheer Kaoru up: Tae: Kaoru-chan! Time to get up! (opens shoji) Oh, she’s gotten up on her own? I wonder where she went. Tsubame: But her kimono is here. Is she somewhere in the house? Tae: Maybe. Let’s… (sees something else on the floor) Hey, isn’t this Kaoru’s… Tsubame: …yukata? O.O Kaoru: (somewhere in the distance) Free, I’m freeeeee! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Kenshin: (offstage) Shishou, did you get Kaoru-dono drunk again, de gozaru ka? Hiko: (“What-me?” face) Kenshin: Shishou! Hiko: Guess this means you’re going to have to look for her. Kenshin: Of course it does! I have to bring her some clo…ooohhhhh, riiiiiiiight! ^_^x Hiko: -_- Baka deshi. Sometimes I think you’re dense on purpose. Director: Cut! Will you two please stop corrupting the children?!
Scene where Soujiro has just returned from his “errand” and he and Yumi go into the room where the Juppongatana have gathered: Kamatari: Oh, Soujiro-kun, it’s been so long since I saw you last! Soujiro: Konnichi-wa, Kamatari-san. Kamatari: It’s been a while, too, Yumi-san… Yumi: N-Nice to see you… Kamatari: (going SD) This time we’ll really see who will win Shishio-sama’s heart! Yumi: (ditto) You’re right. I don’t want to lose against a man like you! (mutters) Stick swinging queer! Kamatari: Grrrrr… Yumi: Grrrrr… Usui: Yow! Cat fight! Woo-hoo! Anji: 6000 yen says Yumi KO’s him in sixty seconds! Usui: No way! My Eye of Heart predicts that Kamatari will be the victor! This starts an argument among the Juppongatana over who would win in a catfight, Yumi or Kamatari. Houji: Yumi! Henya: Kamatari! Houji: YUMI! Henya: KAMATARI!! Kenshin: (offstage) Yumi! Kaoru: NANI?! (thwacks him with her bokken) Kenshin: Oroooo… Yumi: (sweatdrop as she watches them) It’s not like we were actually going to fight… Kamatari: I’m so ashamed of my sex… (hangs head) Yumi: (pats him on the shoulder) There, there. While we wait for these bakas to figure things out, why don’t you show me that wonderful face cream you were talking about yesterday? Kamatari: Okay! ^_^ (walks off to the dressing room with Yumi) Director: Cut! Gentlemen, get a hold of yourselves! (to self) Arguing like that when Tae could take on both at once…
Scene on the Purgatory (The Narrator knows the actual name of the ship, it’s just easier than having to add another word to her spell checker) just after Kenshin and Saitou jump off the dock to avoid the cannonball: Houji: Should we fire a second time, Shishio-sama? Shishio: No, we don’t need the Armstrong cannon anymore. In it’s place…the Gatling gun. Hurry up and get it ready! Minions scurry to carry out his orders. Suddenly, there’s a towering spray of water over the port side of the ship and Kenshin makes an impressive leap onto the bulwarks. The minions look at him, panicked. Kenshin flips his wet hair out of his face, only… Kenshin: Oro! (falls over the side of the ship) Water: *SPLASH!* Saitou: (slaps forehead) Tell me why he’s the hero of this series again?! Shishio: *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Sano: Kenshin, what happened?! Kenshin: (floating in the water) I think I flipped my hair too enthusiastically, de gozaru… Kaoru: (offstage) Oi. Kenshin no baka… Director: For some reason I’m reminded of “Baywatch”… RK Cast: o_O Director: *sweatdrop* Er hem! Cut! The Narrator states here and now that she has no ownership of “Baywatch,” nor does she have any desire to… Kanashimi: I could make tasteless jokes about silicone implants doubling as flotation devices, but for the sake of my Pookie, I won’t. Saitou: Hentai. hentai, hentai, hentai…
Scene after Kenshin and Sano have left Yumi and Soujiro to get to Shishio: Yumi: Are you all right now? I need to head out soon, too. Soujiro: (his head in her lap) Don’t worry about that. On the other side of that panel is a secret passageway, it is the shortest route to Shishio-san’s room. Yumi: (looks at the panel) Soujiro: Use that to…to…ano…What was I saying? Yumi: Soujiro, you were doing fine up till now! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your lines! Soujiro: Well *cough* it’s hard to concentrate when your…when you…could you please stop taking such deep breaths? Yumi: Nani?! Soujiro: I mean, can you stop moving your…you know…it’s kinda distracting, is what I’m trying to say… Yumi: (still not getting it) What are you talking about? Soujiro: Your kimono…I don’t think they tied the obi tight enough. Yumi: NANI?! (clutches front of kimono) SOUJIRO NO HENTAI!! (throws Soujiro through the nearest wall) Soujiro: @_@ Itai… Kenshin: *sweatdrop* You haven’t been giving Yumi-dono self-defense lessons, have you, Kaoru-dono? Kaoru: Maybe… *^.^* Sano: Anyone else notice that he stayed in her lap the entire time? Aoshi: And you wouldn’t? Megumi + Misao: HENTAAAAAAAAAAIIIII!!! (throw respective male counterparts through same wall) Sano + Aoshi: Owieeeeeee… Director: Medic!
Scene where Shishio has grabbed Kenshin after the first time they cross swords: Shishio: Battousai, will you too become my prey?! (bites Kenshin on the shoulder) Kenshin: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Sano: Kenshin! Yahiko: (offstage, slightly green) I know it’s just part of the show, but that was… Soujiro: So cool! RK Cast: *stare* Soujiro: (babbling) I always wondered what people tasted like. Probably chicken, since everything’s supposed to taste like chicken, but then again, I don’t think tuna tastes like chicken, so I think people taste more like cow… Everyone is slowly edging away from the psycho smiling boy… Soujiro: Hey, have any of you seen the movie “Hannibal”? RK Cast: O.O (Run awaaaaaaaaaay!) Soujiro: I wonder what they’re so worked up about… Director: Where are those little white jackets I ordered? Kanashimi: You realize that everyone’s going to think you’re completely depraved now. Narrator: Uh huh. Kanashimi: Aren’t you supposed to be still duct-taped to that chair? Narrator: Uh huh. *evil grin* Kanashimi: Kowai…
Scene from above, take two: Soujiro is in a corner, straitjacketed and being injected with sedatives by the nice men in white coats. Shishio: Battousai, will you too become my prey?! (goes in for the bite) Kaoru: (offstage) HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! Everyone freezes. Kaoru: (takes a step onto the set) The only one (takes another step) who is allowed to bite Kenshin…(takes another step) Kenshin: Uh-oh… Shishio: *twitch* Kaoru: …IS ME!!! (throws off kimono, revealing…) Kenshin: Oro! Yahiko: Sweet Mother of God! Saitou: Ack! Hiko: (tries to staunch his bloody nose with a hanky) Sano: Whoa, go Jou-chan! *whistles* Megumi: (smacks him upside the head) Soujiro: OOOoooooooOOOOOoooo…I like black leather! (A/N: Yes, Soujiro-kun has now been successfully corrupted. Ninmu kanryou.) Kaoru: (dressed like Tira Misu from Sorcerer Hunters) Let go of him now or (licks whip) I will be forced to punish you. Shishio: O-O (drops Kenshin and runs…fast) Kaoru: Oh, Kenshin, are you all right? (sweeps him up into her arms) Kenshin: (stupid hentai grin) Heh heh heh… ^-^x Yahiko: Ano, Director-san?
Shouldn’t you be doing something? Yahiko: *sweatdrop* Never mind. Kanashimi: That’s it, I’m taking away your manga now. Narrator: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (hugs Sorcerer Hunters manga to her chest) Kanashimi: Dominatrix Kaoru?! What the hell is wrong with you, woman?! Narrator: *grin* Kanashimi: I’m gonna leave that one alone…
Scene during the “Post-Having-Kicked-Shishio’s-Butt” party: Misao: (whining) Where is Aoshi-sama?! Yahiko: He’s at the temple, like always! Misao: Why does he have to be there all the time? Okina: He has a lot to sort out before he can heal. Misao: But why-y-y-y?! Kenshin: (seriously) “Who can explain it?” Sano: (singing): “Fools give you reasons…” Everyone: (singing) “Wise men never try!!” Misao: *blink blink* You people worry sometimes. Director: Cut! I thought I said no Rogers and Hammerstein musicals on the set!
Scene where Aoshi is meditating in the temple and sees a rainbow: Aoshi: (sits there…guy doesn’t even have the ability to look happy) Misao: (sneaking up behind him) Heh heh… Aoshi: Ano, Director-san? Where’s Misao? She’s supposed to be on the road down… Misao: BONZAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIII!!!! Water balloons: *KA-BLOOSH!* Aoshi: Waugh! (jumps to his feet and starts chasing Misao around the set) Yahiko: Aoshi! Catch! (throws Aoshi a Super-soaker as he runs past) Aoshi: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! RUN IF YOU CAN, LITTLE GIRL!! Misao: Oh, crap! (runs faster) Director: (as Aoshi chases Misao around the set) That boy can be downright scary at times…
Scene from above, take two: Aoshi: (sitting, meditating) Misao: (on the road, dancing) Aoshi: Meh heh heh… *evil grin* Director: Oh boy, here we go again… Aoshi: (takes out water balloons from…somewhere) Hey, Misao! Misao: Nani? Aoshi: (throws water balloons) BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! REVENGE IS MINE! Misao: (sing-song voice) Oh, Aoshi-sama… Aoshi: Nani? O.O Misao: BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (begins spraying Aoshi with the fire hose) Kaoru: (offstage) Ah, amore! Kenshin: Funny way of showing it, if you ask sessha, de gozaru.
Scene at the end of the Kyoto Arc, where the Kenshin-gumi return home: Kaoru: Kenshin, do you remember? (looks out over the stream) Kenshin: Kaoru-dono? Kenshin: (guilty look on his face) [A/N: He damned well better be guilty, the schmuck…] Kaoru: (as flashback plays) I was so shocked, I couldn’t think of anything to say. The words wouldn’t come out. But there was something I wanted to say…(flashback ends as she turns to Kenshin) DON’T YOU EVER LEAVE ME LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN!!! Kenshin: (sighs) Should have seen this one coming… (is whacked over the head with Kaoru’s bokken) Oroooo! (faints) Kaoru: Oh…and welcome home. Director: Saw that one coming about three miles away. Sano: Same here. Rest of RK cast: *nod*
Scene from above, take two: Kaoru: Kenshin, do you remember? (looks out over the stream) Kenshin: Kaoru-dono? Kenshin: (guilty look on his face) Kaoru: (as flashback plays) I was so shocked, I couldn’t think of anything to say. The words wouldn’t come out. But there was something I wanted to say…(flashback ends as she turns to Kenshin) Kenshin: Kaoru-dono, before you say anything else…! (reaches into gi and pulls out a small box) Kaoru: Kenshin?! Kenshin: (gets down on one knee and opens the box) Will you marry me? Kaoru: (blushes) Hai! Female cast: Awwww! Megumi: Director-san…if you say cut… Misao: We will severely injure you. Director: Meep! Narrator: That is so how the Kyoto Arc should have ended. Kanashimi: I give up…
```~OWARI~```’ |
| Endnotes |
Kanashimi: “Owari”? “Owari”?
Narrator: Yep. This is the end of my “Kenshin Outtakes.” I’ve run out of ideas, not to mention I’m trying to finish “Mission Objective.” Saitou: Oh, thank Kami-sama… Kanashimi: But, but…I don’t wanna let Saitou go! He’s my Pookie! Narrator: Sorry, you have to let him go now. Kanashimi: Awwwww…(gives her sister huge Bambi eyes and a little sniffle) Narrator: Hey now, don’t be sad; we still have the party. Kanashimi: Party? Saitou: (suddenly getting that feeling of Impending Doom) Party? Narrator: Naturally. I’ve tolerated Saitou hanging around my Authorspace for the last couple of weeks for your sake… Saitou: I think I’ve just been insulted. Narrator:…so now I want some of my own fun! I’m just going to abuse my authoress powers for an hour or so and get the rest of the cast here. There’ll be some games, of course, food, and I want to get their opinion on the outtakes… Saitou: Maybe that “shishou” of the Battousai’s can bring over sake…(mutters) and I can get flat out drunk. Narrator: Uh-uh, Saitou. There’s going to be too many under-aged kids here; I don’t allow that, remember? Saitou: -_- Damn. Kanashimi: Besides, Pookie, you get all homicidal when you’re drunk, remember? As much fun as slashings and bashings would be, I don’t think Narrator would appreciate you getting blood on the décor. It would be rather gauche. Narrator: Hey, you know what? Kanashimi: He invented the steam engine? Narrator: Hardy har har. Anyway, I think I should expand the guest list. Saitou: (suspicious) And by that you mean…? Narrator: I’m going to invite all my reviewers! How about it, minna-san? You’ve kept me writing with your encouragement, and I’d love to go out with a bang. So, please, say you’ll come. Information: Your name (and whether you’re male/female) Name of at least one fic you’ve written Your favorite RK character Suggestions for games, etc, and anything you can think of to make this a fun party Your favorite outtake Kanashimi: You put that last one in for the sake of your ego, didn’t you? Narrator: *^.^* Ohohohoho! Hey, if any of you want to talk to any of the characters, me, or Kanashimi, send that along too. I don’t want to write words into someone’s mouth! Please R.S.V.P. by June 11. Salute! |
| Previous chapter ::: Author's page ::: Post a review at FFnet ::: Main fan fic index ::: Next chapter | |