| Disclaimer | See author's intro. |
| Author Intro |
Narrator
here. Judging from the number of reviews I have
already received, it is obvious that my writing is appreciated! *stares
pointedly at Kanashimi*
Kanashimi: Hmmm? Narrator: *sigh* Never mind. To answer of couple of your questions, yes, Kanashimi is my younger sister… Kanashimi: Although most people assume I’m older, because I’m more mature in social settings, unlike someone who wears pigtails and jumps up and down like a hyper two-year-old in front of a bunch of company grade officers. Narrator: *defensively puts hands on her pigtails* You would too if you actually managed to hit the target in darts. Kanashimi: You’re not Misao, get over it! Narrator: *sniffle* You’re mean! *pouts* Anyway, another question that pops up is, “What are a wiffle bat and/or shillelagh?” Kanashimi will now demonstrate. Kanashimi: Thank you. *pulls a really fakey-looking plastic bat from Voidspace* This is a wiffle bat. Normally, it is used to hit wiffle balls, but when used on an unsuspecting victim… Wiffle bat hitting Narrator’s forehead at about Mach 1: KA-TUNK!! Narrator: Hm? Kanashimi: (-_-) If the victim has a remarkably thick head, you upgrade to the shillelagh. *discards dented wiffle bat and pulls a particularly knobby, thick oaken stick from Voidspace* A shillelagh (pronounced SHILL-LAY-LEE) is pretty much defined as an “Irish thwacking stick.” When used on an unsuspecting victim… Narrator: Don’t…even…think…about…it… Disclaimer: Please, please, please, can’t I just claim Kenshin for a day? An hour? A minute, even?! Watsuki-sama: No. You’re mean! WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! *runs away, sobbing like a kindergartner* Kanashimi: Can you see why people think I’m the older sister? |
| Warnings | None. |
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Genre::: Humor ::: Parody Rating::: PG-13 Spoiler Level::: Kyoto |
Kenshin Outtakes, Take 2!: Chapter 3 - Help!by The NarratorKenshin vs. Zanza (Kamiya Dojo): Zanza: Before we begin, I should introduce you to my partner (rips the cover off of his really big sword). This is the zanbattou! My nickname, Zanza… Kaoru and Yahiko: *snicker* Zanza: What now? Yahiko: Oh same old, same old. *snort* Kaoru: Let’s just say it’s a good thing Kenshin winds up destroying that thing *tee hee* or people might wonder. Zanza: *irked* Look, would you knock it off with the compensation jokes already?! I’ll have you know that… Kenshin: TMI de gozaru yo! Director: Cut! Zanza, declarations about your manhood can wait till after the take! Zanza: But I…! Director: Zip it! Zanza: But they…! Director: Talk to the megaphone ‘cuz the ears ain’t listening!
Kenshin vs. Zanza (Round Three: the River): Zanza: *standing only by the grace of his broken zanbattou and his stubbornness* Get back here! I’m never going to lose to an Imperialist! The fight’s not over! Kenshin: What are you going to do, bleed on me? Zanza: I’m invincible! Kenshin: You’re a baka de gozaru. Zanza: Zanza always triumphs! Bring it, girlie-man! Kenshin: *punches Zanza dead in the face* Zanza: Ha! You punch like a girl, ya femmy-boy! Kenshin: *eye-twitch* Director: Cut! Kenshin, put the wiffle bat down! Kenshin: But… Director: Don’t start that again! Kanashimi: Oh, Monty Python; reeeeeeeaaally original. Narrator: I thought it was funny. Kanashimi: You’re probably the only one who does.
Scene where Jin-eh kidnaps Kaoru: Kaoru: So, it’s a promise Kenshin? Kenshin: ^_^x Kaoru: Okay, so… Long awkward pause Kenshin: Ah… They both look expectantly up the river. The boat Jin-eh is supposed to be in floats by, without him in it. Kenshin and Kaoru: o_O Director: Cut! Where’s Jin-eh?! Jin-eh: *suddenly runs out onto the set, streaming with water* Why do I have to stand in the boat?! Only a great humongous idiot would do something like that! The stupid thing won’t hold still and now I’ve got carp swimming in my… Director: Jin-eh, for the last time, you’re supposed to be a homicidal maniac who likes stupidly overdramatic entrances. Now get in the friggin’ boat! Jin-eh: *sniffs* Well, fine, if you’re going to be like that… *flounces off*
Scene from above, take two: Kaoru: So, it’s a promise Kenshin? Kenshin: ^_^x Kaoru: *braces for the snatch* Okay… Jin-eh: *really fake Italian accent* Did-a somebody call for-a gondola? Jin-eh is merrily poling a full-fledged gondola, in complete gondolier’s costume. He graciously extends his hand to help Kaoru into the boat. Kaoru: *sweatdrop* Director: Cut! Jin-eh: *pouts* You’re just jealous of my creativity! Director: Jin-eh… Jin-eh: Can I keep the hat? My other one is so last Tuesday. RK Cast: *blink, blink*
Scene where Sano and Yahiko are reading Kenshin’s letter about Jin-eh: Kenshin: *voice-over* Jin-eh has appointed the place and time of the duel. If I am unable to rescue Kaoru-dono, I ask that you go to the police… Sano: *reading aloud* “…and then…” ano…what’s this about “garters Kaoru-dono’s safety?” Yahiko: “Garters?” (O-O) Sano: Kenshin, your hand-writing sucks! Kenshin: *off-stage* Shut up! Sessha can’t help it if you’re just illiterate! Sano: You’re the one who writes like a drunken five-year-old. Kenshin: Do not de gozaru! Sano: Do too! Kenshin: NOT DEGOZARU YO! Sano: TOO! Director: CUUUUUUUTTTT!!! If you two are going to be this childish, Kenshin will just do the entire voice-over. Sano: *snort* Yeah, if he can read his own damned hand-writing. Kenshin: Thhhhhppppbbbttt!
Scene where Kaoru’s just stopped Kenshin from killing Jin-eh: Jin-eh: I can’t believe my Shin-no-Ippou was defeated by a girl like her! Kaoru: Wait just a cotton-pickin’ frickin’ minute! You got a problem with women in general being strong or just me in particular?! Jin-eh: Uhhhhh… Kenshin: *frantic hand-waving and throat-cutting gestures* Jin-eh: …yes? Kaoru: I see… Scene of Kaoru viciously beating the crap out of Jin-eh in righteous feminine indignation has been deleted. The Narrator asks instead that her readers think about cute fluffy puppies playing in a beautiful sunlit meadow, and not about Jin-eh screaming for mercy like a little girl. Kaoru: *cracks her knuckles* Ah, so therapeutic! I guess that’s one chauvinist pig who’s had a change of heart, neh Kenshin? Kenshin: (O_Ox) Hai, Kaoru-dono!! Director: Cut! Erm…someone go untangle Jin-eh from that tree…*mutters* and see about getting Kaoru some Midol… Kaoru: Sorry, I didn’t catch that, Director-san. Director: Eep!
Yet Another RK Top Ten List
Top Ten Ways to Annoy Saitou
1. Ask him how much hair gel he uses a day. 2. Start calling his katana all sorts of fun names, such as “Fluffy,” “Ed,” “The Sharp Pointy Thing,” etc. 3. Cut off his bangs while he’s sleeping. 4. Pat him on the head and say, “That’s a good Wolf of Mibu, good boy!” every time he causes grievous bodily injury to and/or slays a bad guy. 5. Slip truth serum into his soba and ask him all those embarrassing personal questions you can blackmail him for life with; have a tape recorder handy. 6. Make him play a drinking game with Misao. 7. Replace his all cigarettes with those yummy gum ones; just don’t be in the general vicinity when he finds them. 8. Dye his gloves pink. 9. Grab his matches and run away with them, screaming about preventing forest fires. 10. Give his home address to Kanashimi. |
| Endnotes |
Narrator: Heh heh heh…
Kanashimi: If you so much as touch Saitou-sama, you’re going to be very sorry. Narrator: *pft!* I’m the authoress here, honey-child, so I can do whatever the…what are you doing? Kanashimi: *innocently hides roll of duct tape and a can of shaving cream behind her back* Hm? Narrator: *makes a solemn vow never to fall asleep again for the rest of her life* Well, hope ya’ll had fun with this installment…see you next chapter… Kanashimi: *starts playing with a lighter* Narrator: …hopefully… Salute! |
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